Quotes: Scrubs

I can't believe you could have a heart failure just from being sad. I mean, how are you supposed to treat that?...He's coding. Get me a box of kittens, stat!
JD, "My House"

Dr. Cox:They hate you, Bob. They hate you from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. Dear god, they hate you good. [exits]
Laverne: [chuckles]
Dr. Kelso: Just what are you laughing at??
Laverne: [still laughing] That hooves and pitchfork thing. [Stops laughing and stares Kelso down] Why?
Dr. Kelso: [gulp] No reason. [flees]
— "My Hero"

Due to lack of funds, I'm shutting down our baby mobile, which means there will no longer be free prenatal care for underprivileged women. Bottom line - if you're thinking about knocking up a homeless gal, I'd do it this weekend.
Dr. Kelso, "My Jiggly Ball"

JD: Everyone has a human side, Coxy. Even Kelso!
Laverne: The hell he does.
JD: Y'know Laverne, I'm a doctor. So, I'm not gonna take my psychological evaluations from someone who dispenses them between watching "Maury" and eating a corn muffin. [She gives him a dirty look.] [OK, that was too mean. Apologise.] Laverne, I... [Ah, the hell with it, she's not gonna forgive you. Go for broke.] I was watching CNN earlier; apparently the Terror Alert in your armpits has been elevated to Orange. Oh no he didn't, yes Laverne, he did!