Broken... broken... hair dryer...
— The Doctor, Doctor Who, "Dalek" (whilst trying to find a weapon to fight a Dalek with)
"Prepare to meet... MR. ANGRY EYES!!"
— Mr. Potato Head (after he replaces his regular eyes with his spare pair of shoes), Toy Story 2
So, I played the whole game, collecting all the Serpent Items until, finally, it was time to suit up! My destiny was all leading up to this! I donned the sacred Serpent Armour, wielded the powerful Serpent Staff, I wore the fabulous Serpent Earring... Serpent Earrings, really? Uh, I wore the Serpent Necklace, the Serpent Crown, readied the mighty Ophidian Sword, and finally, I wore the Serpent Ring... wait, where the fuck is the Serpent Ring? Oh shit. Oh no. Oh no! Where the hell did I put the Serpent Ring?
No joke, this actually happened! I played through the entire game, I got to this point, and I lost the goddamn Serpent Ring! Oh I am so fucked! So fucked! I spent two hours searching in vain through every bag in every character's inventory, dumping everything out, dumping every bag on the floor and separating every item, which are full of this chaotic mess of magic potions, magic scrolls... I got fucking coins in three different denominations, I got gold bars, piles and piles of fucking beef jerky, I got green cheese, crossbow bolts- my God, why didn't I organize the shit in my backpack better?! Rings in Ultima 7 don't even look like rings, they look like 2x2 squares of pixels! This thing is fucking GONE. I could have dropped it anywhere in the entire world, and I'll never be able to find it again! The universe is officially doomed, because I'm an idiot and I lost the fucking ring!
Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to play this game for weeks, only to get this far... and lose a game-critical item? I mean, yes, I admit it: I am a fucking idiot. It's my fault. I should have been more careful with the absolutely vital magical relic, but after playing The Black Gate, I'd just got so numb to the mundanity of managing the packing habits of six fucking people, I could have put this fucking thing anywhere. I guess it's authentic to real life, like, if you just threw the One Ring of Power into a backpack full of all the shit you collected over the course of an adventure, you'd be hopelessly fucked trying to find it, too.
"That title is mine, wherever it is! And I'll find it, with this! (pulls out a raccoon, who attacks him, until he manages to grab it and throw it away) I mean, with this! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The Finisher, WWE Slam City Episode 13
"...Oh, that's my lunch; that don't mean nothing..."
Tawaki: Bird call, pocket Bible, pencil...
Dustin: Why a shirt pocket?
Tawaki: ...tricorder, sonic screwdriver, mithril mail shirt...
Dustin: Those are extracanonical [to Star Wars], you know.
Tawaki: ...broken Apple IIe computer disk, Mary Sue clothes, fish bones — ah, here we go!
Dustin: Why a shirt pocket?
Tawaki: ...tricorder, sonic screwdriver, mithril mail shirt...
Dustin: Those are extracanonical [to Star Wars], you know.
Tawaki: ...broken Apple IIe computer disk, Mary Sue clothes, fish bones — ah, here we go!
—Protectors of the Plot Continuum, "Eternal Balance"; Tawaki is looking for a Muggle-Use Wand made with the wood of an unidentified tree from Dantooine.
