PeeJee: Aubrey, I'm going to have to ask you to explain why you just stabbed the king in the groin — and by explain, I mean "explain in a way that makes some fucking sense."
Aubrey: Oh yeah. I probably should have told you this during character creation, but Aubridawn is actually a double agent for a little-known race of underground mole-people known as the Doomlocks, who are bent on subjugation of the impudent surface people. My whole involvement with this mission was just an excuse to get close to the king and assassinate him in his own court as a strike to shatter the confidence of the surface dwellers. That's okay, right?
PeeJee: You know what? Fuck it. Rocks fall and everyone dies.
Kim: But the kingdom is seated on a featureless plain. Where do—?
PeeJee: ROCKS FALL! EVERYONE DIES!
Aubrey: Ah, the Doomlock aerial boulder squad strikes!
—Something Positive, "PeeJee & Dragons Pt. 6"
Aragorn: I hate this campaign so much.
Legolas: You're not the only one who hates this campaign, you know.
Aragorn: You don't understand. I'm wearing boots of +3 to hating this campaign.
Legolas: Oh yeah? Well I have ten ranks in the "Hating This Campaign" skill.
DM: Are you guys about done?
Gimli: I just rolled a one on my saving throw vs. hating this campaign.
DM: DO YOU MIND? CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?
DM: All done now? Good. The dark door gapes before you like the mouth of night-
Gimli: At last level up I took the feat: "Improved Hating This Campaign".
DM: Rocks fall. Everyone dies.
—DM of the Rings, "A Subtle Hint"
Peter: As your elf touches the gold doorknob, 45,000 volts shoot through his body. Your elf is now charcoal. What does your wizard do?
Jason: He calls the Dungeon Master a jerk.
(Nova Produces her cellphone).
Nova: I proceed to make an out of character phone call.
(Nova starts dialing a number.)
Nova: To the Dungeon Masters Mother.
Dungeon Master: Wh-what? No! NO! You know what? The castle collapses and buries you all! You're dead! No loot for you! There!