Quotes: Reviews Are The Gospel

Mike: Well. you're right, jay. Until I saw the 99% critics rating, I didn't realize how wrong we were.
Jay: That's right, Mike. Boyhood is the best movie I've ever seen, ever.
Mike: No doubt, no doubt. Well, Jay, it's time to fall in line with other critics and let people know what we really thought of Boyhood.

'I don't know much about art,' you aver, 'but I know what I like.' Actually you don't. You have been browbeaten into feigning pleasure at the sight of so-called art that actually makes your skin crawl, and you are afraid to admit it for fear of seeming dull. This has gone on for so long that you have forgotten your own mind. Do not fear: in a few minutes' reading I can break the spell and liberate you from this unseemly condition...There are, of course, people who truly appreciate abstract art. You aren't one of them; you are a decent, sensible sort of person without a chip on your shoulder against the world.

"Eustace Curdswallow": There wasn't really much of a review here. From a purely objective standpoint, SSBB is actually quite a superb game (as you can tell by reading reviews)
Yahtzee: I think you should look up the word "objective", because I don't think it means what you think it means.
Zero Punctuation, "Mailbag Showdown"

"I'm in the midst of tearing through GoldenEye 007 so that we can get a review up for you and you can finally know exactly what to think about the game (please, please pick up on the sarcasm there)..."
Matthew Razak, Destructoid, on Goldeneye 007 Wii

"While on television, it's one of the great punching bags of Doctor Who: Underworld. A story that I could simply and cavalierly lay into for a myriad of faults and get absolutely no comments from anybody suggesting that I was being too hard on the story or being unfair. This is the one Tom Baker story to slot in the bottom ten on the Doctor Who Magazine Mighty 200 poll. Lawrence Miles declares it the worst story of the 1970s. It's crap. it's garbage. I kinda liked it."