Quotes / Retirony

"This is supposed to be my last night of work, not my last night on the planet Earth!"
Josie, Air Panic

And Frankie kicked a mine the day that mankind kicked the moon
God help him, he was going home in June.
Redgum, "I Was Only Ninteen"

Old Man Hoot: Maybe I should move here. My grandkids would love it, it's not too far from the Holy Church of St. Chaos, it's a great location to open a new home for the starving orphans I care for, and I'm just two days away from retirement! It's the perfect place for an innocent elderly bystander such as myself. Wouldn't you agree, you shadowy-looking gentleman over there?
Metal: You know, I was only here for the island. But after hearing all that, I feel obligated to include you too.

Lien: I can't belive you survived as their prisoner for so long!
O-chul: I'll be honest, I did not actually expect to live through this.
Elan: Don't say that! Whenever someone says that right after surviving something dangerous, something totally random pops out and kills them!
Everyone looks around. When nothing happens:
Elan: Well, most of the time, at least. Just don't announce that you're going to retire tomorrow, okay?

Darth Maul: And to think... I was gonna retire after this case...

"Damn! And I was only one day from retirement!"
McBain's partner, The Simpsons

URL: Poor Smitty. He was two weeks from retirement.
Fry: What happened to him?
URL: He took an early retirement. Damn.

"Darn! Just one more page and I would've finished this book."
The Man with No Name, The Town With No Name

Adam Jensen: Hopefully that's the last time us detectives have to deal with paramilitary goons.
Garrus Vakarian: ...Right, also, we're just a few days away from retirement. What could possibly go wrong?

"Only one more trip," said a gallant seaman,
As he kissed his weeping wife,
Only one more bag of the golden treasure
And 'twill last us all through life.
Then I'll spend my days in my cosy cottage
And enjoy the rest I've earned;
But alas! poor man! For he sail'd commander
Of the ship that never returned.
Henry Clay Work, The Ship That Never Returned

"Hang on one second, I just got a great idea for a movie about a guy, who's about to retire, and he's a cop. He's gonna spend time with his boat, and it's called Lethal Weapon, shit. G-ddamn it, I always do that. I always pitch myself movies that already exist."
Will Arnett, Netflix Live (April Fool's Day joke)

Skowie: Hey, McBain. You keep eating them hot links, you never gonna make it to a pension.
McBain: Come on. Live a little, Skowie.
Skowie: No, thank you. Got me a future, partner. I'm two days away from retirement, my daughter's graduating from college...
McBain: Little Susie's growing up.
Skowie: And as soon as we nail Mendoza, my old lady and I are gonna sail around the world like we always wanted. Just christened the boat. [He hands McBain a picture of his boat, named the Live-4-Ever.] Oh, yessir. Everything's gonna be just per—
[An assassin aims a pistol at McBain. Skowie jumps in the way and is shot 14 times. The assassin escapes, and McBain goes to check on Skowie.]
Skowie: Oh, damn, damn, damn... McBain...
McBain: Yes?
Skowie: I'm not gonna make it.
McBain: Oh, stop talking crazy!
Skowie: No, no, no, no, just do one thing for me... get... Mendoza... [He dies.]
McBain: MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/RetIrony