"500 channels and there ain't much on tonight
But reality shows about some folks' so-called lives
A pretty girl cries 'cause she don't get a rose
But she'll find love next year on her own show
And they call that real"
—James Wesley, "Real"
"Armed & Famous took celebrities, mostly the bad kind, and gave them jobs as police officers. This wasn't that crazy an idea when it was 600 pounds of aikido action star, but when it's La Toya Jackson, that's irresponsibly insane."
"I’m an unashamed lover of Big Brother... It’s taking a while for things to get interesting this season, mainly because everyone’s still in that first heady rush of tiptoey politeness and they’ve yet to splinter into two eternally warring factions, like the Hatfields and McCoys if they’d been fighting over who gets to cover their bare tits with their hands for the most money in Nuts magazine instead of cowboy gold."
"OH! I'm on an island! OH! I'm all alone on exile island! All I have is fifteen cameras and a medical team if anything really goes wrong. Oh boo hoo hoo, I have to eat worms!
Come chum some of this *$%$, buddy. I have bullet holes in my house and bloodied strangers bursting through my door. I can't turn the freakin' heat on. That's survival, not piddling middle class yuppies arguing over fricking immunity tokens... My ears bled with the inanity."
"The key thing I want to emphasize here is that there's a point in the history of MythBusters where the hosts stop seeming like real people being filmed in the act of doing their job and start to feel like they're playing a role...Far from breaking artifice, it's going out of its way to take something that was already designed to give viewers a look under the hood and constructing an artifice out of that... this has the added consequence of blurring the lines between the plays and turning real people into cartoon characters. It's one thing to do this to a fictional character, who is purely imaginary and by default more flat than a real person; It's quite another to reduce an actual living, breathing human to a series of verbal tics and personality quirks."
—Soda Pop Art, "I Don't Buy It — Commercials as Narrative and Social Entropy"
"Pimp Mama Kris is so winning that lifetime achievement award at the Pimp’s Ball this year, because her stable of whores will get paid $40 million dollars for three more seasons of doing absolutely nothing in front of E!’s cameras... The deal only includes the Kuntrashian’s current shit shows, so Kim will make even more money when E! eventually greenlights Kim & Kanye Kill Humanity''
—DListed, "The Karkrashians Are $40 Million Richer"