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"We are men, thou and I."
— Henry Rider Haggard, King Solomons Mines
Banchou. When I was young, they were honorable men. Today that meaning is obsolete. They will silently extend a hand out for the weak. They will fight to the very end, even if there were a hundred, a thousand opponents, they will stand firm against them. An honorable man who protects their companions... "BANCHOU", a man among men.
Hither came Conan the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet.
"The Phoenix on the Sword," Robert E. Howard
"They made it evident to every man, and to the king himself not the least, that humans beings are many but men are few."
"Most people are either too enthusiastic about manliness or too dismissive of it. They think that manliness is the only virtue, and all virtue, or they think it is the last stupid stereotype, soon to be as dead as a dodo. To study it well, the trick is not to get carried away to either extreme."
—Manliness by Harvey Mansfield.
Animator: (after rejecting a rabbit that Tastes Like Diabetes) Maybe something a bit more manly.
(He draws an overly muscular, Rambo-style rabbit.)
Rabbit: (screams) PREPARE TO FRY, YOU INSIGNIFICANT SLUG!!!
(The rabbit torches the drawing board with his flamethrower. The animator puts out the fire with his coffee.)
Animator: Never get him past the Parent-Teacher Association.
"El Macho...He was ruthless! He was dangerous! And as the name implies...very macho! He had a reputation of pulling a heist using only his bare hands! Ah, but sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible: on a shark with 250,000 dynamites strapped to his chest, into the mouth of an active volcano! It was glorious!"—>— Gru, Despicable Me 2
There was a stony, painful noise as Hamilton gritted his teeth, shaking his head. “I do not stand alone. Mun, you may speak for the empire and the heavens. But my words,” he said, forcing himself up, despite the onus of his chains, “are backed with hot blood!” An aurora of scarlet light burst forth from Hamilton’s breast, blinding his divine foe. He pushed his shackled arms forward, plunging them into the stream of light. “And MANLY! FIGHTING! SPIRIT!”
"The world was hooked. People loved how Snake was a hard-boiled anti-hero; a perfect icon for the ‘90s anti-establishment, grunge mentality, with enough brains and heart to avoid becoming cliché. I think it was the same reason Wolverine became the most popular character in Marvel comics. Gruff, antisocial loners who smoke, fight, and defy the authorities… It’s the definition of badass. As for that overwhelming demand, Kojima was kind enough to give people what they wanted. Here you can see one of the bonus features, where players get to control Cyborg Ninja, giving the fanboys a raging Solid Snake in their pants."
—Terry Wolf, "The Selfish Meme"
"Let me put it in perspective for you: Picard faced the Borg, and after it was done ruining his life, he stood in his office and drank Earl Grey. Sisko faced the Borg and after it was done ruining his life, he fumed in an escape-pod — then went off to design a ship whose only purpose is to kill Borg. It's a set of guns strapped to an engine. Then he called it Defiant, a name that practically shakes its fist at the Borg. That was his second choice; Starfleet felt that the U.S.S. Ben Sisko's Muthafuckin Pimp Hand was too long."
"Takei walks through the smoke on the Bridge of the Excelsior like a dog sniffing out a sausage!"
"People started calling Fred Williamson 'The Hammer' during his professional football career, and when you think about how many gigantic men were trying to get that same nickname to stick, you'll realize that this achievement is the closest thing a person can get to a Nobel Prize in Badassery. This is a man who has crippled dozens of offensive linemen and starred in three movies that have the N-word right in their titles... There are several reasons for these bad action sequences. First of all, he had to hold back so much to not kill his co-stars. If he wanted, Fred Williamson could kick your ass so hard that nine months after you die, your wife would give birth to his foot. Full-powered Fred Williamson attacks are the second ingredient in Taco Bell ground beef... If Fred Williamson made John Carter, it would have been called Spaceman Brown: Chocolate Motherfucker, and it would have turned a $250 million profit."
"Indiana Jones is the epitome of what all men strive to be. He's handsome, he's intelligent, he's single, sleeps around, he's got cash, he punches people, he travels the world, he can sleep with any of his students, he uses a whip, he punches people, he bangs his students in the locker room, women love him, he goes on adventures, he punches people, he can shoot people and get away with it, and so on!"
"Now, the question you have to ask, then, is this: is it a good thing that there's a literal adaptation of Frank Miller on our screens? Do you like watching what is essentially pro-wrestling if the wrestlers fucked and murdered each other onscreen, and are you okay with dialogue that sounds like it was written during the worst hangover ever? Is white blood erupting onto a black screen from a disembodied neck like a cum shot something you're into seeing over and over? Do you like seeing Eva Green naked? ...You don't read the books or watch the movies looking for surprise plot twists - this is comfort food for hard-drinking assholes who wish they were tough guys but wouldn't want to seriously risk their lives, and I reckon I'm probably one of those."
"Drive Angry is Nic Cage mashed down into a projector and spunked all over the screen in big, glorious spurts of movie jizz. Drive Angry is exactly how I want my Nic Cage. With the grim reaper giving chase, Cage’s John Milton escapes from hell – in a car, because you can get there with a SatNav I guess – to stop his granddaughter from being sacrificed by a Satanic cult. You might as well stick this one in the documentary pile, cos it’s just a regular day for Nic Fucking Cage, and I suspect I blinked and missed the “Based on a true story…” title."
"At no point does the movie take itself seriously, nor is it even apologetic. It knows exactly what it is and accelerates full steam into an hour and a half of blood, guts, sex, drinking, smoking, and chugging beer out of skulls."
"Snowpiercer. This was the best movie I’ve seen this year. Granted, I’ve only seen, like, three movies this year. But I doubt I’ll see another movie where people kick the shit out of each other with hatchets on a bullet train. No way Foxcatcher has any scenes like that. I have not seen John Wick, but I assume that movie and Snowpiercer will be the only movies nominated for Best Picture at the end of the year.
God, I hope Greggggg doesn’t see this movie. I will forcibly restrain him from seeing this movie. 'Verily, how doth one maintain a 300,000km track on a frozen planet with no outside maintenance?' SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP IT’S PRETEND SHUT UP.'"
"The next bit, though, is completely original to the show...this dude hangs up the phone, opens up the dumbwaiter, and GETS HIS STERNUM BUSTED TO HELL by Wolverine coming out holding a bottle by the neck. Wolverine then walks over to the dude, looks at the bottle, says 'Lousy year' and then drops it right on his junk. Then he casually grabs a turkey leg on his way up to go murder people. It is… the best thing."
"Some rooms have hidden exits that'll lead you to secret rooms full of goodies. You'll need to discover all of these, as well as pick up the keys that spawn in the game every so often, to earn access to the Pleasure Dome. And what is the Pleasure Dome, you may ask? Well, it's a secret room where the floor cycles through a bunch of retina-burning colors, while bikini-clad women can be collected like the cash and gold bars you've been picking up throughout the game. Totally worth it."
"The Space Marines don't have a cover button, for the same reason they carry guns instead of white flags made of frilly lace panties. Health recovery is via execution — if you take a second to kill an enemy with a particularly brutal move, you recover health. That's badassery as a core gameplay mechanic. When you're about to die, your impulse reaction becomes 'diving at the enemy to destroy as many as possible' and 'wondering why that's not always the case.' It's made very clear that if you ever have full health, you're not doing it right."
Gabriel: Rip and tear. Yes. This is the game the Doom comic should've... (zombies explodes into gibs, Gabriel moans in ecstasy)
Yahtzee: I don't even know what the hell I just did then.
Gabriel: You just stuffed a shotgun into his stomach, lifted him into the air, and then fuckin' shot it!
"Predator. How could this be bad? It's fucking Predator! You look at the cover and think, 'Yeeeah. This game's gonna be awesome. This is a real man's game. This game will turn you into a sexual tyrannosaur' — like me."
"Sorry, Marilyn Manson: this is the guy I want to be when I grow up. SURE I'm well-adjusted. ...—hey, wait. It says here in the game's instruction booklet that Cloud's supposed to be twenty-one years old. Well, damn it. He's younger than me and he's already managed to blow up more crap, save more planets, ride on more airships, hijack more submarines, race more chocobos, fly more rockets into outer space, and bang Tifa more than I ever will in my entire life. I haven't felt this inadequate since finding out Gene Starwind is supposed to be nineteen."
—Pat R., "This Game Are Sick"
"And on the day Masaaki Endoh was born, the heavens rained holy fire of manliness and guitars. Jesus himself down and proclaimed that he was the Christ of Manliness, here to bring the coming age of Manly to the world as the second son of our lord, as the human son of God himself, no middleman. Here he is, teaching us the ways of the Book of Man, which he wrote himself in the year 2012 as he kicked away the meteorite that was goin to kill us all. WE MUST LEARN FROM HIM! MASAAKI MOTHER FUCKING ENDOH!!!"