Every engineer dreams about saving the universe and having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms. Consequently, ratings for "Star Trek" will remain high as long as they stay away from any realism.

Why do lovers park down deserted lanes

Near haunted houses or homes for the insane

Like the deformed son who was locked in a shed

Later escaped when he chopped off their heads

Why do axe murderers only attack

When you're partially nude

Or you're taking a bath

Though there are times I feel softer then most

Some days like yogurt

And some days like toast

Sorority girls and fraternity boys

Always deflowered if they're rich or they're spoiled

So we never feel bad when aunt betty who's dead

Surprises them lying on her wedding bed when we're making love now I feel so exposed

Might you impale me or turn into those

Creatures over in my mind

Forget about the last five years

Back in the woods along a dirt track there is a house

An old women on the porch with three dogs

One of them blind

Who knows what will happen

Or what blind dogs see

And I wish there was some place

I really wanted to be

I'm crossing over

Drop one Treasure. Move one space away from the Monster. Lose one turn.

''I noticed that... your eyes are like mirrors, which makes them doubly pleasing to me. It allows me to admire my reflection without need for a looking glass.

"Another way we can drive people away from the cinema is by showing you advertisements."

"'Minimal collateral damage' and 'Entire star system' do not belong in the same sentence."

"If only we knew who 'They' were... And Why 'They' were doing it.... Who are 'Them'?"

. . . I have set my life upon a cast,
And I will stand the hazard of the die.

The first song I heard didn't sound so bad, and I said to myself: "Hey! Perhaps I am still fairly hip after all!" And then the deejay came on and said, apologetically: "I realize that song was mainstream." He said "mainstream" the way you would say "composed by Phoenicians." Then he played a song entitled—I am not making this up—"Detachable Penis."

The main asset in an evil intern is not asking questions. The answers are usually written on the bottom of a tank full of sharks.

"Are you lost, Daddy?" I asked tenderly.

"Shut up," he explained.

We can dual-wield these [MG 08/15s]. I'd like it to be known that these are approximately, I believe, 130 pounds each and watercooled. And we can dual-wield them. Realism has gone out the window.

Nerd: Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to Cowabunga Corner?
Critic: Oh certainly, it's right off of Bodacious Boulevard.
Nerd: ...what the hell kind of city is this?
Critic: A fucking weird one.

"You ever get the urge to just do something stupid... and AWESOME?"

—Demyx, Kingdom Hearts

"Poor fools! Don't you know us comic book characters are always missed when we run at the guns?"

"Nazis! Fascists! Klingons!"

''"Some call it a Platformer game, some call it an Adventure game, I classify it as a Where The Fuck Do I Go kinda game. Yeah, one of those."

"A lot of people want to kill me... I take great pride in that."

"I always imagine a Senator just jumps up and shouts "FILIBUSTER!" and then everyone starts throwing beanbags at each other."

I mean, it's not that I necessarily wouldn't draw a cartoon like Henry or Snuffy Smith or Blondie, it's that I can't. If I drew Blondie, for example, it would still come out looking like The Far Side; Daisy would get rabies and bite Dagwood, who'd go insane and have Mr. Dithers stuffed—whatever that means.

He escaped into the waves.

The waves.

"It seems that we have a great gap in our values."

"Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kinds of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important."

Sponge Bob: Go, run away like all the others. No-one would want a friend as ugly as I am!

Patrick: Sure they would! It makes them feel better about the way they look.

"We're just going to kill you, and then you'll be fine!"

Domino: "Eight ball? Heh, no, it's called an Infinity Orb."

Apple: "Yes, I've come to realize that you have weird names for everything."

Why does this seem like the end of some cheesy made-for-TV movie?

The mistake began when God was created in a male image. Of course, women would see Him that way, but men should have been gentlemen enough, remembering their mothers, to make God a woman! But the God of Gods—the Boss—has always been a man. That makes life so perverted, and death so unnatural. We should have imagined life as created in the birth-pain of God the Mother... Now wouldn't that be more logical and satisfying than having God a male whose chest thunders with egotism and is too hard for tired heads and thoroughly comfortless?

Did everyone get it out of their system? Anyone have anything else? No? Nobody? Then let's get it over with! Ready, kid?

Hah. So you got off on playing the hero, huh? The wolf who wanted to become the shepherd. How sickeningly noble.

Each print has been completely restored, digitally remastered, restored again, then reverted back to crumbling nitrate film stock just for the jolly hell of it.

Men have a certain body part that women do not have, and men always think jokes about it are a stone riot, but if you tell such a joke to a woman, she will look at you as though you are a Baggie filled with mouse remains. I don't know why this is, but it never fails.

"At that moment, in the town of Couer d'Couers, events occurred that are not, were not, and should never be considered an ending. For endings, as it is known, are where we begin."

"I don't need to know, I have people to know for me"

Richard III? Basically just Richard II with a wacky ethnic sidekick.

(In response to a picture of The Boss)

Anon #1: "I'd hit it."

Anon #2: "You do not hit the Boss. The Boss hits you."

Be sincere; be brief; be seated.

The lesson here is obvious: Don't hold loaded guns in exploding rooms.

Sam Helix, what did I say to do if you feel an outburst of honesty coming on?

Helix: If what I say is going to get us killed, don't say anything at all.

"Where are you, Cena?... Maybe you're walking around there trying to find your next movie script. Yeah, I mailed it to The Rock. He ran out of toilet paper."

Odd that we don't do the same with lesser tragedies. You never hear, "My golf game has gone to prison." Or, "This is an AIDS of a traffic jam."

Ripley: When we throw the switches, how long before the ship blows? [snip]

Parker: We ain't outta here in ten minutes, we won't need no rocket to fly through space.

The important thing when you are going to do something brave is to have someone on hand to witness it.

It is easier to find a traveling companion than it is to get rid of one

Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others.

Many might go to heaven with half the labor they go to hell

Human life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of death or Santa Claus.

Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

All you need in this world is ignorance and confidence, and then your success is assured.

Women, as some witty Frenchman once put it, inspire us with the desire to do masterpieces and always prevent us from carrying them out.

"It's a pretty damn hard act to follow." Normally that phrase is used because the last person was so good. This is more along the lines of "it's hard to follow that guy's act, because as he left he set the stage on fire. Literally."

But shouldn't he also have ten different facebooks? And maybe a my(time and relative dimensions in)space page as well?

Some people have everything, and other people don't

But everything don't mean a thing if it ain't the thing you want

- Charles Watt and the 103rd Street Band, ''Express Yourself'

"The ultimate barometer for a film's success is whether it's more interesting than watching the same actors having dinner."

"Well, the truth is out there, it just turns out that the truth is really monumentally stupid."

"Maybe it was an OK 2007 strip at the time, but audiences have changed. These days, I expect more out of 2007 humor."

"That really was long, wasn't it? Travelling 300 kilometres in 4 days."

V: I'm the good kind of terrorist, the kind that tortures people and blows things up...wait...
Alan Moore: I'm a bloody genius!

"Don't worry - I hear heaven's a nice place. Say hello to Satoshi!"

—One half of Shmion just before killing the other half in ''Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni

"I shot my beam down and it went up anyways!"

"[F]irm yet polite complaints garner more respect than obscenity-laden all-caps rants involving Opus Dei and the Carlyle Group."

And so then Mulder and Scully show up with Boris and Natasha eh-WAIT A SECOND!!!

"You could just tell me things instead of insinuating them."

(Wow, this lady makes Maya look like a 6.8/10 on the weirdness scale.)

Priest: GAH! You can't spray Cheez Wiz on the body of Christ!

Ralph: What? Why not? Jesus tastes too dry and stale.

-Exploitation Now

"It's the final Raw of 2008! I'm fired up! Let's do something big! Crazy! Get a monster truck to crush a car! Or shoot a man out of a cannon! Or remake Smokey And The Bandit! Something!"

Overall, it's a mediocre platformer game, and a cheap exploitation of the Copola movie.. *Sees the credits* Wait, who is this?...Fred Fuch—FRED FUCKS?!?!

Dexter Reed: About this contract, man....what would you say we'd just....forget it?

Ed: You don't wanna be partners?

Dexter Reed: Well.... no. See...

Ed: Is it because I'm black?

(The Nostalgia Critic: GASP! A funny joke!)

...The Hollywood sign itself is copyrighted, and for me to allow it to appear on screen would cost us thoudsands of dollars. I can however call the people who own the copyright a bunch of money grabbing bastards for nothing!

"Why is it that whenever someone says 'with all due respect' they really mean 'kiss my ass'?"

Daisy: What's the cure for falling down the stairs?

Cooper: Falling back up the stairs?

Daisy: That's still in clinical trials! You could lose your license!

"I'm going to ask what's going on, but that doesn't mean I want to participate."

"That's a total of 205 Dumbass Points, which would be a record even if this weren't the first time I'd ever mentioned or tallied them."

Mr. Owl: Were your parents as difficult as Roland said they'd be?
Steve Bear: Well, let's just say they're from a different time.
Cooper: What does that mean?
Steve Bear: It means they're full of hate, but it's okay because they're old and harmless.

Largo: [...]shouldn't you be doing something more domestic than fighting with a sword? [..] Oh, it's you again. Hey, um.... Sorry about, you know, what I said the other day. My arms and legs are sorry, too. Oh...the bruises...

"I've heard of the term "the banality of evil" and somehow this game achieves it although not in the way I think it was intended."

— Noah "The Spoony One" Antwiler, Let's Play Phantasmagoria 2

Hordak: But what do you get for someone who rules our whole galaxy? Someone who has two of everything? Two armies, two spacefleets-

Shadow Weaver: Two heads.

Hordak: I was trying not to think about that...

—She Ra Princess Of Power, "For Want of a Horse"

Pearl Fey: Wow, you really know a lot about the Steel Samurai, Mr. Nick
Phoenix Wright: ... (I don't know whether to laugh or cry that I know more about that show than a kid...)

"You'd think Zordon would be a lot smarter to say something like 'Alpha, Rita's escaped, bring me the five greatest martial artists on the planet!' or 'Alpha, get me Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Steven Segal, Triple H and Bruce Campbell!'"

Chief Maintenance Officer Bowen has found a T.T. Fiddlesticks family eatery seemingly growing out of the upper echelons of the Area 6 Ventilation Control Tower. DynaMars Corporation has no idea how it was constructed, and certainly did not authorize it. DynaMars Corporation wishes to remind all Ares Station residents that T.T. Fiddlesticks is an unauthorized incursion and is currently being boycotted.

There are always lessons to be learned from the stupidity of others.

Crystal: PICKLE DEATH ATTACK!

*Beat Panel*

Haley: So that's the sort of battle this is gonna be, huh?

Crystal: You're just jealous because you don't have a secret plan for beating me that's as awesome as my secret pickle plan for beating you. HA!

He gave me a lamp that had the Devil in it! I was expecting a happy genie who sings little songs and grants wishes, not the Devil! What kind of weird shit is Headmaster Cid into, I mean, I know he told me it was cursed and I should be careful, but when you give someone a lamp with the Devil in it, you don't say "Oh, be careful, it's a little dangerous", you say "Here's a lamp, and it has the Devil in it!!"

— Noah 'The Spoony One' Antwiler, on Final Fantasy VIII and the Diabolos guardian force.

No! No! No! No! No! You stupid bitch, no! You don't - hey! You don't get to die! You don't get to die, it's not that easy!

Ugh. How did they manage to make plastic welding rods sound boring?

We were advertising computers, not baby-killing machines.

"Fairy tales do not tell dragons that children exist. Dragons already know that children exist. Fairy tales tell dragons that children are delicious."

The person in question was a victim of murder, not ill-conceived naming, Mr. Wright.

"Ask me out or I'll shoot you! Right in the hair!"

"That's your finger."

"And all five of them are loaded!"

Now I know it may seem like a monkey could do this job but it can't. True story.

Agent Mitchum: You've ended the war against crime with your brilliant "Give us your guns or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" bill. And you've ended the war against drugs with your brilliant "Give us your drugs or we'll blow your freakin' heads off" campaign.

The President: I actually said, "freakin'"?

Agent Mitchum:'No, sir, but I'm a Mormon.

851. When plumbing the depths of depravity, I must remember to come up for air.

At no time shall Romeo slap Tybalt with a fish.

"If the Lord hadn't intended us to make jokes, He wouldn't have given us poodles."

Jimmy Carr: It's just so stupid, isn't it? Beating your wife, I mean, it's your wife. It's like keying your own car.

David Mitchell: Society just got a tiny bit worse.

Jimmy Carr: I like to think I can help.

Some say the glass is half-full; some say the glass is half-empty; I say I will cut my lip on the glass and bleed to death.

Oh dear, who authorized this? A giant horned skull? Really? I'm sorry, I thought this was 2008.

Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except Paranoia.

"'Your story is very marketable. You should call the game, 'Dave Wishnowski presents PWX: Uprising.' ' Um...no. First off, I'm not an ego driven douchebag looking to inflate my sense of self by forcing strangers to acknowledge me. Second, the people actually responsible for physically making this game are much more deserving of any such recognition. I'm not responsible for a single line of code and not one single pixel of art work. God, it just makes me shudder to think of what a dick I would be to demand marquee credit for Uprising. Isn't it ridiculous? I can almost imagine what the crew would say if I did that. I think they'd all quit but not before burning the studio down. If I were to truly name things after myself that deserved it they would be things like: Dave Wishnowski presents The Unpaid Phone Bill. Dave Wishnowski presents The Worst Project Manager Hiring Ever. Dave Wishnowski presents We're out of Toilet Paper again."

Anyway, Henry Ford stole my idea and invented the car, did the movie Stagecoach and pardoned president Nixon... But I am getting ahead of my story

For media couples like us, relationships aren't important, but sexual chemistry is! It's like Mulder and Scully, Steed and Emma Peel, the red and the purple teletubbies... it's the whole "are-they-or-aren't-they thing"

"You want to see something that’s like really seriously disturbing and that nobody in their right mind would want to look at? You’re on the internet so I guess the answer is probably yes."

"If you find yourself in a social situation, make threats."

Liu, I hate this place. I'm telling you, I hate it. I'm in a hostile environment, I'm completely unprepared, and I'm surrounded by people who probably want to kick my ass. It's like being back in high school!

Game designers: think of a single, sharp, spear-like mechanic, stick with it, set it in stone, and then make awesome levels. If there’s a mood you want to go for, keep it in mind. In short: be cool, and you too can make a masterpiece. Even if your single mechanic is amazing, it doesn't mean anything without great levels. However, even a bare-bones mechanic (like, say, "running and jumping") can make for spectacular entertainment if the levels are great (Super Mario Bros. 3).

"He must be a successful composer... a musician with quality"

"Yes, one of them"

I'm smart, you're dumb. I'm big, you're small. I'm right, you're wrong! And there's nothing you can do about it!

What does it matter to you?

When you got a job to do

You gotta do it well—

You gotta give the other fella HELL!

Born on third, thinks he got a triple.

Faye, now that we're underwater, there's something I want to get off my chest. I am a huge fan of boy bands. I have not said this before, and even though I may deny it in the future, or even in the past, I say now and forever that I love all boy bands. All of them. I can never take this back.

I wanna be a B-grade actor,
Star alongside Terri Hatcher.
With expertise in over-acting
I'm just a copy of the real thing!
Start my career on a daytime soap,
I got nominated for a Golden Globe.
Still no-one can remember my name.
I'm just destined for B-Grade fame!

Since time before time the Vorlak had held the Crosshutch at Thraeskamp. The ancient reckoning held that the Five Skrelkampi (and their Truebine) would return when the great Trond-feast could be held anew and the Belnap reunited. But this legend became lost to all but the Papperboxen at Horbug. One of their own was Yallow the Speldrig, who found an unlikely pupil in Torbole Understeady, the discarded illigitimate waif of Wainthane Topknox, whom Yallow renamed Grumdrig and began to school as a boar-pulmet's apprentice. ...And, as it was said by some, in aberdoxy.

"This place is like an assbackwards of Robin Hood. The queen took every artifact of value from the poor, and put it on display for the rich"

I’ve said, before, that games can perhaps never be “art” because I seriously can’t think of a single game that some jerk can’t just pick up and immediately tilt the right analog stick to one side, cackling as the camera spins in circles.

We are accepting things that should not be accepted. The anti-depressent Paxel causes suicide in a lot of people. Yeah, let me say that again. The anti-depressant Paxil causes suicide in a lot of people. You think they could have spent another week on the formula. Yeah, you're going to kill yourself, but the suicide note is going to be inspirational!

"She is evil, a driven bitch."

"A discussion about the nature of eternity, set against a blank, featureless void: behold the beginning of the transformation of the Family Circus into Existential Despair Comics."

"My God, newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years. How is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays. I like their music. I like their sense of style. I especially like what they've done with Halloween, but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are."

I prey on the innocent. It's how I made my fortune, and, quite frankly, it's fun.

Repeat after me: 'Despite what magical girl anime has taught me, the monster does not go down with the first strike.'

Doctor Bunnigus: Actually, Commander, the headache is probably my fault. You've got some funny flavor of blood-nannies in your system. It took me almost a month to figure out how to quiesce the little bugsies before regeneration could start.

Kevyn: Define "funny."

Doctor Bunnigus: When it happens to you, rather than happening to me?

Kevyn: So. . . My bloodstream is full of slapstick.

—Schlock Mercenary

Flash: There are so many reasons why that shouldn't have worked.

Geoffrey: Forget about perfection! There's nothing more boring than perfection. Imprecision. Fear. That's what gets them to their feet.

Jack: Yeah? Well I should be brilliant, then.

I bet you were one of those people, who, when a teacher asked a question and asked if anyone knows the answer, raised your hand and said 'I dont'

Stephen: I made some fruit salad. Grapes and an orange.

Sid: Of wrath and clockwork, respectively?

This we do for pleasure, so that we may shortly be at the mercy of venomous snakes and poisonous ants. How foolish can human creatures be.

Now you may find it inconceivable, or at the very least a bit unlikely,
That the relative position of the planets and the stars
Could have a special deep significance or meaning
That exclusively applies to only you,
But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
Are all based on solid scientific documented evidence,
So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize
That every single one of them is absolutely true.

..."hiding out" feels a lot like "waiting to die."

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.

Never was so much shown by so few to so many.

Strong Bad: Now, I know it may not make a lot of sense, but when have I even been one to back down from a bad idea? Let's get this train wreck a-rollin'!

Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by
We never get to stop and open our eyes
One minute you're waiting for the sky to fall
And next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all

Sasha: Say something hideous appears in your path. Something so horrifying, it simply must be destroyed.
[He pushes a button; a tiffany lamp appears.]
Sasha: Ach! So... tacky... can't... look... directly at it...
—>—Psychonauts

Gavin: Show's over, Lee. Turn- turn the camera off.
Lee: What are you talking about?
Gavin: Go and- go and post today's episode. Idiot.
Lee: Gavin, I really don't see...
Gavin: It's a show, Lee! It's an Internet TV show! Open your eyes; wake up.

Online you can get gorgeous models to do whatever you want; in real life, you’re a loser with no friends.

It seems to be one of the principles of fashion that once an exaggeration has been decided on it becomes ever more exaggerated.

Never apply a Star Trek solution to a Babylon 5 problem.

Rabinovich: Don't you forget that United States has been the greatest contributor of our current democracy

Mundstock: And our former dictatorships

I was unhappy. I lived a sad and bitter life. I couldn't keep a job. I had dandruff. My wife spent her time nagging me, my children asked me more attention. Until one day a friend of mine lent me the Warren Sanchez's Record "Seeking The Path" And from that day on my life changed. I left the suffering, I left the sadness, I left my job, my wife and my kids...

Haruhi: "It's suspicious because nothing looks suspicious."
Kyon: "And if it looked suspicious to begin with, then what?"
Haruhi: "It'd be suspicious, of course. Jeez."

So I'll say the same thing about No More Heroes that I say about Killer7 and Earthbound and Branston pickle: As flawed as it is, get it anyway, because you will never experience anything else like it. God knows what would happen if you spread Branston pickle onto No More Heroes—possibly the universe would end. And it would be awesome.

Of all the people to survive, he's not the one you would have chosen, is he? But if you could choose, Doctor, if you could decide who lives and who dies, that would make you a monster.

Dr. Venture: That's ridiculous! There's no such thing as Santa Claus!
Dr. Orpheus: Not since he was killed by a jet in 1963, no. Nor has there been a Krampus since the pope cast him into purgatory during Vatican II. But your boys seem to have inadvertently released him from his chains.
Hank: Dean did it! I wanted to read the Grinch!

Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb.

I don't like anyone to whom the adjective "maverick" might be applied. Cutter practically owns the copyrights.

Normally, those people would never wake up from their fantasy worlds. They live meaningless lives. They waste their precious days over nothing. No matter how old they get, they'll continue to say, "My real life hasn't started yet. The real me is still asleep, so that's why my life is such garbage." They continue to tell themselves that. They continue. And they age. Then die. And on their deathbeds, they will finally realize: the life they lived was the real thing. People don't live provisional lives, nor do they die provisional deaths. That's a simple fact! The problem... is whether they realize that simple fact.

Knowing something intellectually and having a fucking gun pointed at you are two very different things.

How many times did I tell you that you're not supposed to drink the fluid in your cloning tank?

I think I found an even stronger term for friendship than yours, 246, and I'll say it to you now: Supervisor 246, I was, am, and always will be, primus inter pares, your friend, Tom.

The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business.

You're not leading but two things: Jack and shit. And Jack left town

Yes, sir, I do, for the cover of a horror comic. A cover in bad taste, for example, might be defined as holding the head a little bit higher so that the neck could be seen dripping blood from it and moving the body over a little further so that the neck of the body could be seen to be bloody.

Bugger that. Bugger him. Bugger you

We’re talking about story-telling, the most basic human need. Food? That’s an animal need. Shelter? That’s a luxury item that leads to social grouping, which leads directly to fancy scarves. But human awareness is all about story-telling. The selective narrative of your memory. The story of why the Sky Bully throws lightning at you. From the first, stories, even unspoken, separated us from the other, cooler beasts.

Sam: "Sandra, listen... I can't say you haven't earned self-pity. Morning'll come, and it'll be cruel, so take what you can get from this! You're gonna hurt, but you don't have to hurt now. Right?"

Jack: "I hurt. I hurt now. I have to."

Sam: "Well, you get self-pity too."

The lady didn't wait around,
But lightly leapt upon the ground,
Stood with her back before his nose,
Lifted her tunic, touched her toes,
And said, "Your face goes here, Sir Knight."
But when her—

That's be so sweet, so ridiculously sweet... It's Sweetdiculous!

My mommy always said there were no monsters... no real ones. But there are, aren't there?

They don't serve diet soda at the Palace of Wisdom.

Don't forgive and never forget; Do unto others before they do unto you; and third and most importantly, keep your eye on your friends, because your enemies will take care of themselves.

"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."

—Morpheus, The Sandman #60, "The Kindly Ones: 4," by Neil Gaiman

"Take that, oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere!"

—Sam and Max : Season One

"Oh look, they were too cheap to hire villains!"

— Joel Robinson on invisible enemies, Mystery Science Theater 3000

"Remember, friends come and go, but enemies accumulate."

—Brian Kantor, ASR

"Ignorance killed the cat, sir. Curiosity was framed."

—C.J. Cherryh

"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."

—Robert Wilensky, University of California

In Hollywood it's dog eat dog; it's worse than that, it's "dog doesn't return other dog's phone calls".

—Woody Allen, Crimes and Misdemeanors

Scared? You're talking to a man who laughs in the face of death, sneers at doom, and chuckles at catastrophe. I was petrified.

— The Wizard, The Wizard Of Oz

First Robot: "Not many people would risk themselves for a robot. We can pass the word through our community that this is a person to watch out for, and to help where we can."
Second Robot: "Wouldn't it be better to do something for her with a higher chance of success? Like buying her a lottery ticket? From last year's lottery?"

—Freefall

I have always fought for the nation. And for the De Sand family. And for... I have fought for you as well! However, just this one time, I wish to fight only for myself!

—George De Sand, G Gundam

Fuck you! What does the fate of humanity have to do with the fate of my Balls?!

—Bandoh, Elfen Lied

Do you four boys take these two girls to be your seven brides?

—school play sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus

Thanks, but no thanks, Major Stupidity. You and General Nonsense will have to carry on without me.

—Squidward, Spongebob Squarepants

Confucius: Never belch before a lady.

Froggo: Sorry! I didn't know it was her turn.

—Histeria!

Eggplant Wizard: No! Wait! It was an accident!

King Hippo: Oh, I'll give you an accident on purpose!

—Captain N The Game Master

Doc: Why, when I was your age—
Action: When you was my age; when my old man was my age; when my brother was my age! You was never my age, none of you! The sooner you creeps get hip to that, the sooner you'll dig us.

—West Side Story

Zombie movies are about groups: outside, the zombies are legion; inside, the humans struggle to work together. Slasher movies are about individuals: one man is doing all the killing, and only one girl will outwit him and survive.

—Sara Bickley, reviewing The Ruins

I sort of hate to ask it,
But what's a rhyme for "basket"?

—Forbidden Broadway, "Into The Words"

"Do you agree to love and honor?"
Love and honor, yes, but not obey!

—Annie Get Your Gun, "An Old-Fashioned Wedding"

"Whatever quality of human greatness I have the talent to portray—that was the quality the outer world sought to degrade. They let me play nothing but symbols of depravity, nothing but harlots, dissipation-chasers and home-wreckers, always to be beaten at the end by the little girl next door, personifying the virtue of mediocrity."

—Kay Ludlow, Atlas Shrugged

"I am dying!"

—Mathematician Leonhard Euler, last words

If you have a milkshake...and I have a milkshake...and I have a straw—there it is! Thats the straw you see—watch it...my straw reaches acroooooooooooss the room...and starts to drink your milkshake. I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!! *slurps* I DIRNK IT UP!

—Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood

Love...ah, love, that magical spark between two people that you hope won't start a fire and burn them both to death.

—Onizuka Eikichi, Great Teacher Onizuka

Do not move against me. Do not disobey me. Do as I command and you will receive unimaginable rewards.

—Cobra Commander, ''G.I. Joe Resolute''

This hand of mine glows with an aweomse power! Its burning grip tells me to defeat you! Take this! My love! My anger! And all of my sorrow! SHINIIIIING FINGEEERRRRR!!!

—Domon Kasshu, G Gundam

It was a warship, after all. It was built, designed to glory in destruction, when it was considered appropriate. It found, as it was rightly and properly supposed to, an awful beauty in both the weaponry of war and the violence and devastation which that weaponry was capable of inflicting, and yet it knew that attractiveness stemmed from a kind of insecurity, a sort of childishness.

— Iain M. Banks, ''Excession''

Where is my enemy?

This is your enemy.

That is your enemy.

Do you not yet see?

Words from those who look without seeing.

Lazy...lazy...lazy...

You'll never meet your enemy.

You'll never really live.

My enemy is not to be sought, lest we find ourselves surrounded...

Is not to be awaited, lest it violate us.

No, but one day we will come upon each other.

And for that day, my claws, teeth, ears, hands, and feet are ready.

When i can call him enemy.

When i can call him my enemy.

I believe that chance will come.

—Hiruken Emperor, Xamd Lost Memories

Belize: "Look at that heavy sky out there."

Louis: "Purple."

Belize: "Purple? Boy, what kind of homosexual are you, anyway? That's not purple, Mary, that color up there is mauve."

Angels In America: Millenium Approaches