Quotes: Pretty Fly for a White Guy

    open/close all folders 

    fiction 

A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
From
Amos N Andy
Frank Zappa, "You Are What You Is" - You Are What You Is

He needs some cool tunes
Not just any will suffice
But they didn't have Ice Cube
So he bought Vanilla Ice

Now cruising in his Pinto
He sees homies as he pass
But if he looks twice
They're gonna kick his lily ass!''

... Is it because I is black?
Ali G. (Who isn't.)

Orlando Bloom took a swing at you, you have a perfume called Girlfriend, you threw eggs at a house… not gangsta.

Maestro, if you please. 'Rumpshaker', or some reasonable facsimile.
Bill, NewsRadio ("Halloween")

    real life 

President Clinton was often known as the first black president. I wouldn't be upset if I could earn the right to be the second.
John F. Kerry (he didn't)

Those are some nappy-headed hos, there!
Don Imus on the WNBA

Black is a state of mind, and we Greeks are the blacks of Europe, together with the Irish.
Yanis Varoufakis, ex-Finance Minster to Greece

'Live good playa'; It's the 21st century. Thug life.

You could prolapse into a bucket of bleach and not be such a painfully white asshole.
Cracked, in response to the above quote

It’s clear from these movies that white people act ridiculous. Strangely enough, this film shows that white people even act ridiculous when they’re not acting like white people.
Seanbaby, reviewing Malibu's Most Wanted for The Wave Magazine article "Raceploitation."

Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'.

Truly, this makes the freestyle scene in Teen Witch look like NWA in their incendiary prime, and like all painful raps during that ten-year period when people 'did' them on TV shows with all the commitment of the Duke of Edinburgh banging on a tribal drum for African dignitaries, it begins with the announcement that they have something to say, which is usually their own name and the word rap.
Stuart Millard on Saved by the Bell ("Cream For a Day"), So Excited, So Scared

Unlike Vanilla Ice, Snow actually did come from the projects; he did have that rough gangsta background; he did a couple stints in jail. And it didn't give him a shred of street cred, because Vanilla Ice claimed to have all those things, and he was a complete liar, so everyone assumed Snow was lying, too. It's really amazing just how much Vanilla Ice ruined being white.
Todd in the Shadows on Snow's "Informer", One Hit Wonderland

Last night, in the big finish of a performance at the annual Straight White People Give Each Other Awards for Doing Black Music About Gay Rights Better Than You Convention, Madonna shuffled weirdly out on stage with a bejeweled cane like a Country Western Barbie Yaga...It meant fucking nothing. If anything, it moved in reverse. It was the dinner-table obtuseness of your worst uncle. It shit on intellectual curiosity. It stank of not getting it.

In the majority of Seagal’s direct to DVD era filmography, Seagal has portrayed this insane ‘black man’ version of himself, most hilariously of all in the abominable Today You Die, an unintentional comedy classic where Seagal mumbles out ‘thug talk’ with all the street credibility of Bill O'Reilly . Seagal even ensured that one of the black characters remarked that he 'walks like a black man and breathes like a killer.' Absolute madness.