A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
From Amos 'n Andy
He tells you that chitlins
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown
—Frank Zappa, "You Are What You Is"
He needs some cool tunes / Not just any will suffice
But they didn't have Ice Cube / So he bought Vanilla Ice.
Now cruising in his Pinto / He sees homies as he pass
But if he looks twice / They're gonna kick his lily ass!
Though I'm not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley
to do Black music so selfishly
and use it to get myself wealthy!
Hey! There's a concept that works
20 million other white rappers emerge
but no matter how many fish in the sea
it'd be so empty without me.
—Eminem, "Without Me"
"... Is it because I is black?"
—Ali G. Who isn't.
"It’s clear from these movies that white people act ridiculous. Strangely enough, this film shows that white people even act ridiculous when they’re not acting like white people."
"In this country, we have a whole unpleasant history of white people pretending to be black...Look, she's been fairly popular in the UK for a couple years now — apparently thy have less issues with white girls rapping than we do. My point is, she's been in the public eye for at least a little white now. You'd think someone in her position would know they might want to be careful considering the minefeld they're already in. Instead, she's got a reputation for saying somewhat insensitive things. A lot. A lot. A looooooot."
"If you recall, the main undoing of Vanilla Ice was that he gave interview after interview bragging about his rough-and-tumble upbringing on the streets of Miami, only to have friends and family rat him out as a rich kid who grew up in Texas and drove a Camaro to high school. After that news broke, his music meant nothing. Vanilla Ice was a joke, and buying his music meant part of that joke was now on you. This officially ended the public's acceptance of Vanilla Ice as a viable entertainment option."
"Clearly, the RNC were in need of some rebranding, so they elected Michael Steele as the first black chair, hoping to wash away a bit of the 'racist old white guy' stink...But it wasn't enough to just elevate a black man to a position of power — Steele had an entire campaign mapped out in which he planned to apply Republican principles to an 'urban-suburban hip-hop setting' in a way that was both 'off the hook' and 'avant-garde'... Those are not terrible parody quotes. Those are actual, from his mouth quotes. The first black man in the premier position of power within the RNC, and they immediately started in with the rapping-grandma routine."
"Last night, in the big finish of a performance at the annual Straight White People Give Each Other Awards for Doing Black Music About Gay Rights Better Than You Convention, Madonna shuffled weirdly out on stage with a bejeweled cane like a Country Western Barbie Yaga...It meant fucking nothing. If anything, it moved in reverse. It was the dinner-table obtuseness of your worst uncle. It shit on intellectual curiosity. It stank of not getting it.
It made you realize: Oh. Madonna is finite."
—Jezebel, "Madonna, What Are You Doing."
"Either Seagal is the biggest fraud on the planet or he genuinely happens to transcend race and transforms into new ethnicities over time, kind of like a fucked up Dr Who. Shockingly, it’s actually not the latter. In the past Seagal has enjoyed pretending to be Italian and Japanese respectively, but his current adopted cultural persona is that of the black man... In the majority of Seagal’s direct to DVD era filmography, Seagal has portrayed this insane ‘black man’ version of himself, most hilariously of all in the abominable Today You Die, an unintentional comedy classic where Seagal mumbles out ‘thug talk’ with all the street credibility of Bill O'Reilly . Seagal even ensured that one of the black characters remarked that he 'walks like a black man and breathes like a killer.' Absolute madness."