A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
From Amos 'n Andy
He tells you that chitlins
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown
—Frank Zappa, "You Are What You Is"
He needs some cool tunes / Not just any will suffice
But they didn't have Ice Cube / So he bought Vanilla Ice.
Now cruising in his Pinto / He sees homies as he pass
But if he looks twice / They're gonna kick his lily ass!
Though I'm not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley
to do Black music so selfishly
and use it to get myself wealthy!
Hey! There's a concept that works
20 million other white rappers emerge
but no matter how many fish in the sea
it'd be so empty without me.
—Eminem, "Without Me"
"... Is it because I is black?"
—Ali G. Who isn't.
"'Live good playa'; It's the 21st century. Thug life."
"You could prolapse into a bucket of bleach and not be such a painfully white asshole."
"It was foolish of me to assume that being woken up this morning by a bunch of rats getting into a noisy trash can fight would be the only time I’d be dealing with dramatic rodents today...What Miley’s remaining freon-corroded brain cell was trying to say is: 'Rigged voting is whack just sayin.'"
"It’s clear from these movies that white people act ridiculous. Strangely enough, this film shows that white people even act ridiculous when they’re not acting like white people."
"The comparison between Snow and Vanilla Ice is pretty unavoidable. They were both white boys making black music, they had stage names that emphasized their whiteness... The sad thing is, I wouldn't call the comparison very fair. Unlike Vanilla Ice, Snow actually did come from the projects; he did have that rough gangsta background; he did a couple stints in jail. And it didn't give him a shred of street cred, because Vanilla Ice claimed to have all those things, and he was a complete liar, so everyone assumed Snow was lying, too. It's really amazing just how much Vanilla Ice ruined being white. God, he sucks. Just...the worst man in history."
—Todd in the Shadows on Snow's "Informer", One Hit Wonderland
"Last night, in the big finish of a performance at the annual Straight White People Give Each Other Awards for Doing Black Music About Gay Rights Better Than You Convention, Madonna shuffled weirdly out on stage with a bejeweled cane like a Country Western Barbie Yaga...It meant fucking nothing. If anything, it moved in reverse. It was the dinner-table obtuseness of your worst uncle. It shit on intellectual curiosity. It stank of not getting it.
It made you realize: Oh. Madonna is finite."
—Jezebel, "Madonna, What Are You Doing."
"Either Seagal is the biggest fraud on the planet or he genuinely happens to transcend race and transforms into new ethnicities over time, kind of like a fucked up Dr Who. Shockingly, it’s actually not the latter. In the past Seagal has enjoyed pretending to be Italian and Japanese respectively, but his current adopted cultural persona is that of the black man... In the majority of Seagal’s direct to DVD era filmography, Seagal has portrayed this insane ‘black man’ version of himself, most hilariously of all in the abominable Today You Die, an unintentional comedy classic where Seagal mumbles out ‘thug talk’ with all the street credibility of Bill O'Reilly . Seagal even ensured that one of the black characters remarked that he 'walks like a black man and breathes like a killer.' Absolute madness."