Quotes / Potty Failure

Dr. Finegarten: Coogan, come over here and help!
Coogan: I can't, I'm peeing!
Dr. Finegarten: Well, pee your way over here and help me move Felix!
— Blake Edward's S.O.B

Spudgun: What's that smell?
Eddie: That's lunch.
Spudgun: Oh, thank gawd for that! I thought I'd shat meself.
Bottom, as everyone sits down for Christmas lunch in "Holly"

"Nobody can know about this, I would rather be molested by a Psycho Lesbian while mud wrestling than have people see this picture."
Kirie, Girls Bravo

Deandra: Life was good. Then one day, it all changed. I had been battling a chronic case of IBS and before the big homecoming game, I had eaten three chili dogs and washed them down with a [Code Red Mountain Dew]...Everything would have been fine, but just before halftime, Tanya Berkowitz handed me a package of Pop Rocks! I was in a hurry, so I swallowed them super fast, allowing most of the Rocks to enter my digestive system unpopped. Halfway through the cheer, we formed a pyramid. Me on top of course. As I gazed out over my kingdom of popularity, the Mountain Dew and corn dogs coalesced with the pastrami quesadilla I had for lunch somewhere in my lower intestine. Ignited by the pop rocks, I had what we in the IBS community call a... "whoopsie poopsie".
Mackenzie: Oh, oh my god, you pooped your pants.
Deandra: Yes, I pooped my pants. And then I pooped outside of my pants. And then I pooped on my cheer squad. And then I pooped on everything within a thirty foot radius.Then I pooped on the cityŚ
Brittnay: (about to puke) Oh, oh, oh my god, please stop, I'm gonna be sick. Ulp!
Deandra: When you pressure-blast Mountain Dew out of your anus it's not easily forgotten! After that, I was ruined. I wasn't just the girl who pooped her pants. I was the girl who monster dumped on two prom court members, a candy cane princess, and the junior class treasurer!

"So one day, I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom, and can you guess what she said? She said no. I forget the exact circumstances, but you shouldn't ever tell a six-year-old that they can't go to the bathroom, because guess what? They can, and they will. That hand raise, that's not really asking for permission; that's giving you a warning. I raised my hand a second time - 'Uh, do you remember when you told me I couldn't go to the bathroom? Uh, well, we have a bigger problem now.'"
James "theodd1sout" Rallison, Peeing Yourself