Quotes: Political Correctness Gone Mad

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    fiction 
Now this political correctness it must come to an end,
'Cause we're in the business of killing, who gives a fuck if we offend?
I can mow 'em down by the thousands but I can't say a dirty word,
Now that's the dumbest fucking thing that I have ever heard!

Buffy: We don't use the word "Indian".
Giles: Right, right. Always behind on the terms. Still trying my damndest not to refer to you lot as "bloody colonials".

Calvin: I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem.
Hobbes: It is?
Calvin: Sure! It sends the message that I don't know enough! All that emphasis on right answers makes me feel bad when I get them wrong. So instead of trying to learn, I'm just concentrating on liking myself the way I am.
Hobbes: Your self-esteem is enhanced by remaining an ignoramus?
Calvin: Please! Let's call it "informationally impaired."

Grover: Frazzle? But you are not fuzzy and blue. You are fuzzy and orange!
Frazzle: Mrawrarfraramra!
Grover: All right, all right! Just thought I'd mention it.
Sesame Street, "Fuzzy and Blue (and Orange)"

PFY: No I think you mean Affirmative Action. Equal Opportunities means that they'd both be considered regardless of who they were. Affirmative Action is intended to address a perceived lack of some group in a company for PR purposes.
BOFH: Well this flies in the face of my Unequal Opportunities Policy!
Boss: Your what?!?
BOFH: Unequal Opportunities Policy. Which is basically "if you can do the job, you're in!" Couldn't give a crap about age, sex, race, etc. It's a simple policy, but it seems to work. Unless...
Boss: Unless what!?
BOFH: Unless you're a thicko. I can't stand thickos. No offense.
Boss: What do you mean?!
BOFH: Thickos, you know, people who can't... well... tie their shoelaces without assistance. No offense.
Boss: What do you mean, "no offense"!?
BOFH: Well you know, some people get upset when you say something like that — especially if they're a complete 'tard. No offense.
The Bastard Operator from Hell guide to equal opportunities, "Episode 5: Affirmative action"

Civilian displacement. We used to just call it "kidnapping" and "forcing people into slavery", but that just didn't test well in today's ever-toughening market.
Mickey the Spider, Fable II

Constable Habib is a woman of the opposite sex!
Chief Inspector Fouler, The Thin Blue Line

Porky: First they tell me to lose the stutter, now they tell me I'm not funny. It's a pain in the butt being p-p-politically correct.
Speedy: You're telling me.

Bleat, bleat, creature of non-specific colour and species, have you any home-spun fabric? Yes sir or madam, yes sir or madam, enough to share, but not in a communist way. One is for the titled person of non-specific gender, one is for the other titled person of non-specific gender, and one is for the child of non-specific age, height and gender, who co-exists in harmony with the lane, but not in a gay way.
Wil Anderson, The Glass House (on a reworded "Baa Baa Black Sheep")

Coming this summer, it's the motion picture that changed America. Saving Private Ryan, the re-re-release, where the word "nazi" has been changed to "persons with political differences," and all their guns have been replaced by walkie-talkies. And now, for your feature presentation: the classic re-re-re-release of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. In this version, the word "Wookie" has been changed to "hair-challenged animal" and the entire cast has been digitally replaced by Ewoks.
South Park, "Free Hat"

    real life 
The latest managerial wit has been to encourage something called 'political correctness,' this generation's Silly Putty or Hula Hoop.

I'm telling ya, some of this [euphemistic] language makes me want to vomit. Well, maybe not vomit... makes me want to engage in an involuntary personal protein spill!

I have taken another look at my notes, and must correct myself. There is one laugh in the movie. It comes after the action is over, in the form of a foolish, politically correct disclaimer stating that the film "is not intended as an accurate portrayal of blindness or poor eyesight.
Roger Ebert reviews Mr. Magoo (1997)

The movie feels dry and stuffy as if the dialog is out of a textbook and acted by re-enactors. Yeah, I said re-enactors and not recreationists or whatever the hell you call yourselves nowadays. I got sent a few emails correcting me like I used some un-PC term. A person who colors in a drawing without doing any original work is a tracer, and someone who dresses up in period clothes and wastes a weekend playing soldier is a re-enactor. Where was I going with this?
Miles Antwiler on Gods and Generals

Last month, the gay-rights group, GLAAD, saw Kevin Smith's latest movie, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. They were outraged by the number of gay jokes, and were positive that they would inspire a dark and evil future where people outside of movies might make gay jokes. And when that happens, how will they be able to keep their quiet dignity while parading down the streets in panties and vests on giant penis-shaped floats?

Shocking, I know: an insufferable snob like Gwyneth Paltrow is an insufferable snob in all aspects of her life, including her own mother. '''Ew, we don’t like to use the word mother – it’s just so pedestrian. She’s my biological birth being. Correct yourself, you uncultured skank.'

Yahtzee: (dies) Oh, you turn into an Egyptian mummy, how racist. Your glasses fly off when you're hurt! That's ableist! Are you making fun of the fact that he has to wear glasses? that he has a vision defect, game? Check your privilege, Genesis!
Gabriel: You can't call it a defect. That implies superiority on the part of the functionally-sighted.
Yahtzee: Alternative bodily layout!
Gabriel: Ocularally unique!
Yahtzee: Genetically alternative! That's the new term for Down's Syndrome.

Never let it be said that we don't pick on liberals here. Maher may have said some clever things in his life, even as a political commentator (he runs the HBO show Politically Incorrect), and he has gained notoriety as a critic of religion . Then again, David Berlinski wrote an excellent introduction to calculus. Being smart, and being right on certain topics, doesn’t guarantee that you are not a loon...For one, he is associated with PETA, which is at least borderline. After all, PETA has decided that fish should now be known as "sea kittens" (to stop global overfishing) and they have sent demands and cash offers to towns requesting that they change their names, including Hamburg, Fishkill and Rodeo. Their alternative for Hamburg was Veggieburg. The suggestion was serious. They also had a campaign against eating meat called “The Holocaust on your Plate".

I have to think that Slate is angry they didn't get to this take first, because it's important that we take every single last disposable piece of pop culture and fucking break down the 58 layers of subtext behind it to show why America ought to have a problem with Smarf.

Now 90 percent of all internet thinkpieces are dedicated to explaining why you should have a problem with something you originally had no problem with. OPEN YOUR EYES, SHEEPLE. Don't you see that keyboard cat is a way of enforcing traditional heteronormative privilege in America today? The cat is wearing a house robe, which means that it he/she is clearly being forced into a domesticated, subservient role against his/her free will. NOT FUNNY. NOT ON MY WATCH.
Drew Magary, "The Internet Has A 'Problem' Problem"

It is a dark, dark day in the United Kingdom. Tom Hiddleston's sexy Jaguar ad which featured a spine-tingling Shakespeare recital was forever banished from the their airwaves. Why is love dead, you ask? Because the commercial allegedly encouraged "irresponsible driving" which is obviously as stupid as it sounds...WHO IS THIS ASSHOLE? WHO COMPLAINED? Who would watch this ad and try to find a reason to want it off the air? Here are the people who I think ratted the ad out:''
- Benedict Cumberbatch (jealous because his Jaguar ads are nowhere near as good).
- A drunk Prince Harry.
- James Bond super villain Goldfinger, as part of a dastardly criminal plot to deprive the world of sexiness and hold it hostage for a billion dollars.
- The ghost of Oliver Cromwell.
- The organizers of Dashcon as punishment for making fun of them.

"The word 'old' has a connotation that some of the more elderly people find distasteful. I would suggest you make the substitution, please."
Mr. Tweedly, The Stan Freberg Show