"Yes, General, I am masturbating into the American Flag. It relaxes me. Do you have a problem with that? Would you rather that I used you?"
— President Callahan, Transmetropolitan
"You can twist my words, but I can twist that knee until it pops!"
— President Ackerman, Red Alert: 3
"Of course the first four years are easy. You don't do anything except try to get re-elected... The next four years you wonder why the hell you wanted to be re-elected. And after that you go into the insurance business and you're all set."
— President Wintergreen, Of Thee I Sing
Cat: I thought you guys said Kennedy was a great Prez!
Kryten: He was.
Rimmer: He was also an inveterate womanizer. His affairs were legendary. They only came out after his death.
Kryten: Every man has his weak spot, his Achilles Heel.
Rimmer: Kennedy's was just... higher up.
— Red Dwarf, "Tikka to Ride"
"You can lie, you can cheat, you can start a war, you can bankrupt the country, but you can't fuck the interns. They get you for that."
— Stephen Meyers, The Ides Of March
"I'm one of those generic presidents TV shows use to avoid becoming dated."
— The President, Earthworm Jim
George Washington couldn't tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth. George W. Bush couldn't tell the difference.
— Common political joke from 2003 onwards.