Quotes / Our Elves Are Better

"We intend to prove the superiority of Mer over Man, one century at a time."

"As the breeze moves through the reeds by the river, so shall we pass through our foes without effort or resistance. We move with all the natural grace one would expect from a race that has come so close to perfection. Death to you, my enemy, will come swiftly and cleanly... For it is our way."
Farseer Caerys of Ulthwé, Warhammer 40,000

Their arrogance is matched only by their firepower.

"What do humans know of our pain? We have sung songs of lament since before your ancestors crawled on their bellies from the sea."
Farseer Eldrad Ulthran of Ulthwé, Warhammer 40,000

"We are the Eldar, amongst the oldest of the races and perhaps once counted amongst the wisest. But we are ever reminded of our great Folly and even greater Fall. Now we are but few in number and our time left in this galaxy is short. The Age of the Eldar is over, now it is the Time of Man, the upstart, the hairy savage."

The elves did not appear, because appearing had the implication they had not been previously there. They had been, they’d just decided that Creation would not be able to see them. That was the way with the older elves: they decided what rules applied to them. They could not ignore more than one, but that was usually enough. Besides, she would not put anything past these two: they had been old before they’d ever set foot on Calernian soil. Few people would have called the two Emerald Swords beautiful, she decided. By the standards of humans their faces were too long and angular, their skin so perfect as to seem almost marble and those wide eyes filled with so much contempt it was nearly a physical thing. They were tall and slim and terrible to behold, like a coldly shining star. The one on the left was called Dawn and the other Dusk. They were both men, not that she could have figured it out from looking at them if she had not already known. The Bard let out an obnoxious whistle.

“Not you elves, anyway,” the Bard said. “It’s why they kicked you out, isn’t it? The others. The ones that breed with humans, whose kingdom is larger than this entire continent. Lots of room there, but not enough to fit your opinions about lesser races.”

“The Kingdom of the Golden Bloom will remain forever unmarred,” Dawn said.

As a rule, elves are both beautiful and graceful — and they know it, too, which is my major problem with the manky little gits. The fact is that most elves are arrogant snots.
— "Wulf", in Heart of the Lion 3: The Red and The Green, by Anthony Pryor-Brown

"You're an elf. Your history is one very long love poem dedicated to bloodshed. And yourselves."
Dragon, 8-Bit Theater

: "Do not touch me again in that manner. We may look like you, but we are not you."
Lennier, Babylon 5

"You are but a dog, and I your master!"
Random Thalmor Soldiers, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

"Men, they are the children."

Elf: Pirotess is one of the greatest of the dark elf women. She'll have nothing to do with human men.
Soldier: Oh, yeah? Are you telling me that elves are better than humans?
Elf: Are you saying that we're not?

Chiefly thanks to Tolkien, you know elves as Nordic-looking white people who may as well be extras from a lazy '80s porno. They are tall and elegant and fairly girly at all times, they live in forests and are experts at everything...

Rovain: "When Tolkien wrote about the elves, he wasn't too far off. But he'd never met an elf in his life. His writings were based off of the Norse Alfar."
Sean: "So… does that mean that elves met Germanic peoples?"
Gina: "It was an accident."
Kevin: "An accident that helped give rise to one of the most over-used elements in modern fantasy."

Good? Good? Ms. La Belle, elves aren't 'good'... they are better. These people can run twice as fast as you can without making a sound. They can see to the farthest horizon on a starless night and they can hear the heart beat of a mouse. They don't sweat. If they fart, you'll never hear about it. They can go into a human town and fuck everybody's wives, sons, and daughters for fifteen hours straight, they are going to live forever... and can you imagine what would happen if the brand-new emperor had stood before his people and said, 'Hey, these are the people who are going to be in charge of you.' Do you think the people who had just thrown off one tyrant would have just rolled over and accepted that?
Professor Hart, Tales Of Mu

As far as races, I notice that a lot of the first games I played had weird races and elves, a lot of elves come to think of it. I believe it's because elves in popular culture are just like humans, only good at everything. They're elegant, strong, wise, intelligent, graceful, beautiful, have super hearing and are a crack-shot with the bow. They basically have all the upsides of being elderly and all of the upsides of being young with none of the downsides. Kind of like the Blade equivalent of vampires. Of course, they're nothing like this in D&D, statistically speaking. If they were you'd need to make the character with a Mutants & Masterminds Superhero rulebook, and not a Dungeons & Dragons one.


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