Quotes / Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Simmons: (referring to Grey's rescue of Alex and Rick) C'mon, I saw that one of the officers was female, and a cute one at that—I know you, Grey.
Grey: Her?! Please, she's way too uptight. I don't have time for girls like that.
Simmons: What, you think you even stand a chance?
Grey: Give me a break. She may have an attitude, but if I wanted her, I could have her by the end of the night.
Alex: Hm, I'll take that bet.
Terra #130

"But wait, I thought Madonna thinks that she’s the black Madonna, which is why she thinks it’s cool to throw around #disnigga...Never mind that the only button Madge has been pushing lately is the one marked “eye roll inducer,” she’s kind of right about Kanye and her being cut from the same cloth. I mean, both of them live in an out-of-touch fart bubble of delusion and their heads are currently taking up permanent residency up their asses. So yeah, they’re kind of the same. But Kanye isn’t going to like being called the black Madonna. To Kanye, Kanye isn’t the black Madonna. Madonna is the white Kanye, just like Jesus is the Jewish Kanye and the Sun is the star Kanye and the moon is the satellite Kanye and God is the cloud Kanye!!"
Michael K., "Kanye West Is The Black Madonna, So Says Madonna"

Mercer: Holy shit, guys! I think we killed them all!
(squadron of Nazi vampires starts to rise in the distance)
Mercenary: Hey, Mercer... try not to choke on your fucking foot.
Hellsing Ultimate Abridged Episode 6, after Zorin's zeppelin crashes into the ground and explodes.

"Wonderful. And for my next trick, I shall swallow my other foot."
Vila, Blake's 7, "Death Watch"

The Tenth Doctor: And d'you know how I know you're a fake? Because you're such a bad copy. It's not just the smell. Or the unconvincing hair, or the atrocious teeth, or the eyes — just a bit too close together. Or the breath that could stun a horse! It's because my Elizabeth — the real Elizabeth — would never be stupid enough to reveal her own plan! Honestly, why would you do that?
Elizabeth: Because it's not my plan. And I am the real Elizabeth.
The Tenth Doctor: ...okay. So. Backtracking a moment just to lend some context to my earlier remarks...
Doctor Who, "The Day of the Doctor"