Quotes: Obstructive Bureaucrat

Fiction

This boy's born to be a bureaucrat,
Born to be all obsessive and snotty
I made my friends and relations file long applications
To get into my tenth birthday party
— Hermes Conrad, Futurama

They have given us into the hand of new unhappy lords,
Lords without anger or honour, who dare not carry their swords.
They fight by shuffling papers; they have bright dead alien eyes;
They look at our labour and laughter as a tired man looks at flies.
And the load of their loveless pity is worse than the ancient wrongs,
Their doors are shut in the evening; and they know no songs.
The Secret People by G. K. Chesterton

"The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe."

Hacker: You're blathering Bernard.
Bernard: Yes Minister.
Hacker: Why are you blathering Bernard?
Bernard: It's my job Minister.

Sir Humphrey: You're speaking in riddles Bernard.
Bernard: Oh, thank you Sir Humphrey.

"Bear in mind that these are the sorts of people whose sense of achievement is measured in reams of paper and time wasted."

"Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away!"
Bureaucrat 1.0, Futurama, "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back"

"There's a fine line between evil and underpaid."
Dilbert

Sam Lowry: Excuse me, Dawson, can you put me through to Mr. Helpmann's office?
Dawson: I'm afraid I can't, sir. You have to go through the proper channels.
Sam Lowry: And.. you can't tell me what the proper channels are, because that's classified information?
Dawson: I'm glad to see the Ministry's continuing its tradition of recruiting the brightest and best, sir.
Sam Lowry: Thank you, Dawson.
Brazil

"I can't harbor a fugitive, I'm an un-elected official!"
Nessarose, Wicked

"They are one of the most unpleasant races in the Galaxy - not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters."

"The junior Mr Popplewick is not permitted to expect anyone."
Doctor Who, "Trial of a Time Lord"

Mr. Popplewick: Expedite?! I am a senior clerk, sir. To me the procedure is sacrosanct! My work is a celebration of all that is perfect! Why speed perfection?!
The Doctor: Because your employer wants me dead.
Mr. Popplewick: ... You seem to have found the one little weakness in our procedure, sir.
Doctor Who, "Trial of a Time Lord"

"I really don't like that dude. He's an ass-hole."
Robert Epps, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, sums up Galloway in short order

Peer reviewer: There are other investigators. This is not only your case, though you seem to think it is.
Dr. Bruckner: Oh, I do, do I? And you're here to take it away from me, is that it? Well, I'll let you in on a little secret, "Doctor": You can have it. I never wanted it in the first place. You think it's a privilege to watch young men die? (What am I arguing with you for? You do not know enough to study boiled water.)

All the documents must be signed.
Seas go dry and suns grow cold,
But all the documents must be signed,
And don't forget that questionnaires must be answered.
Love may die and truth grow old, but
Ev'ry questionnaire must be answered.
One must have one's papers.
The Secretary harmonizing in sixths with Vera Boronel, The Consul

Coop: Road test? Me? But I've got to go save the world!
DMV Desk Clerk: If I started making exceptions, this whole place would fall apart.
Coop: [grumbles] I'll give ya "fall apart".

"Bureaucracy...now that is inherently evil. Worse still, it's hard to pin it on any particular bureaucrat."
Reverend Theo, Schlock Mercenary

Got enough red tape to choke a horse!
I don't know why I'm doing it!
"Sermon", from the album Jazz Mind by Ed Schrader's Music Beat

"He'd managed to speak, via spanreed, with the emperor of Azir himself—a new emperor, as Szeth had visited the last one. There had been no succession war in Azir, of course. Those required too much paperwork."

Real Life

"The man of system is apt to be very wise in his own conceit; and is often so enamoured with the supposed beauty of his own ideal plan of government, that he cannot suffer the smallest deviation from any part of it."
Adam Smith (1759)

"There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function."
Georges Clemenceau (1917)

"I like bats much better than bureaucrats."

"The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy."

"He's basically an orange traffic cone at this point."
Drew Magary on John Boehner

"Donal Logue gives too good a performance as Scullyís Academy friend Tom Colton, because he reminds me very strongly of all the hotshots that I have met in my time who thought they should be going places but couldnít place why they werenít. Jealous of other peoples' success and mocking anybody who thinks outside the box, this is an FBI drone who will never make his mark simply because he is too square and tunnel visioned. Itís a real wake up call for the audience to meet somebody as tasteless as this because suddenly Scully doesnít seem quite so mean spirited, and you soon come to realise that had she never met Mulder this is exactly how she might have ended up. When he asks Scully to let him call Mulder and break the bad news that he has been pulled from the case it is very easy to loathe this character. He only derives pleasure from stepping on other people on his way to the top."
Joe Ford on The X-Files, "Squeeze"