He was very hard of hearing
He was dull and domineering
Misogynist, cantankerous and vain
But all that’s now forgotten once he took his final breath
Yes, even pricks turn into top blokes after death!
It's not how they live that counts, but how we rewrite the book
When it comes to truth, it's best to use restraint
It pays to throw away the facts and have a rose-coloured look
When he dies, Martin Bryant will look a saint!
Remember all will be forgotten once we take our final breeeeeeeeeath...
Yes, even pervert motherfuckers, even rampant child abusers, even local Baghdad looters, even baby bunny rooters,
Even reckless drunken drivers, even rodent sperm-imbibers, even violent poofter-bashers, even public penis-flashers,
Even rotting corpse molesters even human piss ingesters even tiny kitten-kickers even anal finger-lickers,
EVEN ANNA BLOODY COREN
YES, EVEN SHE
"τὸν τεθνηκóτα μὴ κακολογεῖν" [tòn tethnēkóta mḕ kakologeîn] (Let only good be spoken of the dead). note
— Chilon of Sparta, one of the Seven Sages of Greece (circa 600 B.C.)
When someone dies thou shalt no longer be under obligation to cry saying 'he'll be missed' knowing good and well that he was an asshole.
— "Posdnuos, Thou Shalt Always Kill" (De La Soul version)
Death makes the worst of men instantly respectable, you know.
I was told only to speak good of the dead, Joan Crawford is dead....good!
— Bette Davis (attributed)
Everyone now says he was a genius and brilliant and the greatest of all time, whatever, I was there. Back in 2001, Michael Jackson was treated as a ridiculous, pathetic freak of nature who hadn't done anything worthwhile in like twenty years. Yet now he's dead everyone's like: "Oh he was the greatest ever, meant so much to me". I bet you most to all of them were crapping on the guy just as much as anyone.
Newspaper: And thereby, our conclusion is that Councilman Hunzinker is a pin-headed old demagogue.
Opus: Excuse me, [Milo]... I thought you'd like to know that Councilman Hunzinker just kicked the bucket.
(Milo crosses out "is a pin-headed old demagogue" and rewrites:)
Newspaper: Hunzinker was a sharp-witted elder statesman.
Mako!? You mean that guy I made fun of in the TMNT review and got horribly ridiculed for it? [continues nervously] Well, I'm...uh... sure there'll be nothing wrong with his character in this movie... In fact, I'm sure that it will be absolutely delightful. With no flaws at all. [holds hand in prayer in the image of Mako while angelic chorus plays]
"However you felt about the man, whatever your opinions are, I believe we, as a people, should make a rule that once you die… whatever derisive nickname that we used for you, it dies with you. So can we stop calling him 'Jacko' now? After you die, can a brother get a 'Mr. Jackson'?"
Yosuke: Hey guys, you'll never believe this. I just got back from the crime scene. The victim this time...it was King Moron.
Chie: Hey, um...I know he was a jerk 'n all but...now that he's dead...should we show some respect and actually call him Mr. Morooka?
Yukiko: No. I hope the worms eat his heart first.
"Seems kinda... Mean, I think, to talk down on someone who died like this? Even if [Levin] was kind of mean. Then again, I, uh, didn't really know the dude as well as you guys."
— Argentum, We Are Our Avatars
"I take no solace or joy in this man's passing. We will not dance upon his grave, nor stand vigil at his funeral holding "God Hates Freds" signs, tempting as it may be. He was a tormented soul, who tormented so many. Hate never wins out in the end. It instead goes always to its lonely, dusty end."
— George Takei on Fred Phelps Sr.'s death
Angie: Benny, you shouldn't speak ill of the dead.
Benny: You know what? When the dead runs out on you and leaves you with a two-year-old son to raise by yourself, I'll say whatever the hell I want about him.
— The George Lopez Show, "Mementos"
Why are the world's biggest sinners
Always saints when they're gone?
Always saints when they're gone?
— Accept, "The Curse"
"He served parliament and party for more than twenty years" is about all you can think of, but you stretch it out and make up a few virtuous anecdotes from whole cloth. It's probable that nobody believes you, but decorum demands that you remain unharangued.