Quotes: Never Live It Down

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The reader also knows that everyone poos. But if the first thing a character does is poo in front of the reader, the reader will think of him as the Pooing Character forevermore.

    Film — Live-action 

If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder — they call him a cocksucker.
Vince Boudreau, Play it to the Bone

Danny: And I always confuse Monet and Manet. Now which one married his mistress?
Tess: Monet.
Danny: Right, and then Manet had syphilis.
Tess: They also painted occasionally.

Ulysses S. Grant held this country together. Now what's he remembered for? Being a drunk. Ronald Reagan oversaw the fall of the Berlin Wall, the end of Cold War — but any discussion of his legacy ends with jelly beans, naps, and Alzheimer's!
Hon. Joseph Palmer, The Judge

    Live-action TV 

You make the front page today only if you screw up. They only know your name if you’re the unlucky S.O.B. sitting on 500 tons of dynamite. That’s what they’re really waiting for.
Colonel Belt, The X-Files ("Space")


"You've changed your face, you've changed your scent
You've even changed your fingerprint
Image is anything
But with all this electricity
You can't change your publicity
The lies the many sing"
T. Bone Burnett, "The Rat Age"

    Web original 

OK, if you’re going to use one story to form the impression of your new Doctor then you at the very least have to actually show what your new Doctor is like... they do so by having him try to strangle Peri. In the best of circumstances this would be an unwise way to introduce a new lead character. In these circumstances it is difficult to understand how the idea even got approved...The show treats this man as its hero and expects the audience to tune in nine months later to watch his continuing adventures.

Of course they declined to. (Colin) Baker’s Doctor is completely poisoned here. There’s nothing whatsoever that can be done to make this character watchable to anyone who has seen this. And I speak from experience here. This is the story that killed my parents’ interest in Doctor Who. To this day my mother refuses to accept the possibility that Baker might be good on the audios simply because of how much this story made her hate him.
Dr. Phil Sandifer on Doctor Who, "The Twin Dilemma"

Gwen was supposed to be our audience identification character on this show, but Davies did some quite perverse in making her more unlikable as the show continued, cheating on her long suffering boyfriend with an absolute asshole. It came to a point where Gwen was literally wretching up snot and tears over pizza in order to connect to the audience and come to terms with what she has done, and now we are at the other side of her affair where she has decided that she does love Rhys and wants to make a proper go at it with him. This whole affair malarkey leaves a really bad taste in the mouth as far as Gwen is concerned, and in the future when they get married and have a baby it leaves a black cloud just on the horizon of these happy events. I don’t know if Davies thought it would make the character more interesting if she was as promiscuous as the rest of them or whether everybody has to be deeply flawed on this show but it was probably the biggest mistake the show made. Thankfully they seem ready to forget the whole sorry affair and so are we.

Last year, I posted my thoughts about the first six episodes of Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD, and to be honest, I assumed that would be all I’d ever have to say about it. I was so turned off by those episodes that I had no intention of ever watching the show again. But towards the end of the season, I started to hear murmurings that things had finally improved, and with the second season premiere coming up this Tuesday, I decided to give it another go....underneath the big plot twists, the show still had all the same fundamental flaws; they were just less obvious when the characters were actually, you know, doing stuff. The show is still severely limited by not being allowed to upstage the movies, and most of the cast is still too young and devoid of charisma. And spending two-thirds of the season watching them act like hormonal, sullen, mopey teenagers made it that much harder to take these characters seriously when things finally started to get real.

Quick, name the first WWF personality to pose for a porno mag. You’re thinking of Sable, right?

Nope! It was Shawn Michaels, who posed for Playgirl magazine in 1996, three years before Rena Mero. And unfortunately for him, he ended up getting a lot of crap for it backstage...And so Shawn Michaels, WWF’s resident Sexy Boy, gradually evolved from a narcissistic pretty boy to a stripper.

Character: Says "I like bread" that one time.
Fandom: Character has an obsession with bread. Bread is character's true love. Draws character as bread. Every meta joke in fanfic is about bread. The character's room is wallpapered with bread.

"Steve Gerrard, Gerrard,
He slipped from 40 yards!
He gave it to Demba Ba!
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard."
Everton fans, making fun of Steven Gerrard slipping and allowing Demba Ba to score during Liverpool's 2-0 loss to Chelsea on April 27, 2014.

Wait, I forgot to do some 'Paul Reubens wanked in a porno theater' jokes. Have ... have you noticed how 'Pee-wee' could refer to both his character and his penis? Yeah. (Aced it.)

Robert Downey, Jr.. sat down for what he probably thought was going to be another fluffy, generic interview to pimp out the Avengers: Age of Ultron, but I guess he didn’t know who he was dealing with, because the conversation went from fluffiness to Oprah shit. The interviewer was Channel 4′s Krishnan Guru-Murthy who once made Quentin Tarantino shout, “I’m shutting your butt down,” because he didn’t like being asked about violence in his movies for the 10,000th time...That dude is bold. He went from “Iron Man must be a fun character to play!” to “How many dealers did you have to suck-off in real-life for an 8-ball?”"''
Michael K., "Robert Downey Jr. Is Not Here For Your Questions About His Past"

Tom Cruise, dressed in head-to-toe black, looming over a cowering Oprah as he jumps up and down on the buttermilk-colored couch like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Cruise bouncing on that couch is one of the touchstones of the last decade, the punchline every time someone writes about his career.

    Web Video 

Ever since you called me a 'freaky fish guy', I haven't been able to escape it! All over the world people see me and shout, "Hey, it's that freaky fish guy! Wanna throw a harpoon at us, Freaky Fish Guy?". And all because I ONCE threw a harpoon at somebody. Does that mean that I DESERVE being labelled a 'Freaky Fish Guy'!?...It's not like I make a habit out of it.

slowbeef: Play the video in 3... 2... 1... and play. [video starts] So fake cancer, you fell for that, really?
ProtonJon: Oh, for fuck's sake!

    Western Animation 

"Words with venom, words that bind
Words used like weapons to cloud my mind!
I'm a person. I'm a man, but no matter how hard I try,
People just say 'Hey! There goes that 'nigger' guy'
Everywhere I go, it's always the same
I can't get away from that terrible name!
'Hey Nigger Guy! Nigger Guy! Nigger Guy!'
Stop! Now go. Call me Nigger Guy!
Fill me with your hate!
Try to bring me down— Oop up, you're too late
Someone just beat you to it
But my dream will not die
To be thought of as more... than just 'Nigger Guy'"
Randy Marsh, South Park ("With Apologies to Jesse Jackson")

Milhouse: Then let's just say, I don't care what people think of me anymore.
Bart: You mean up until now you did care? Then why did you wear that tutu to school last week?
Milhouse: What about all the times I didn't wear a tutu? Nobody ever brings those up!
The Simpsons, "Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore"

No one every lets me forget the time I wouldn't come out of a tunnel in case the rain spoiled my paint.
Henry, "Percy Takes The Plunge"

Perdita: Mickey, she took our puppies!
Cruella: One movie and you're labelled for life!
House of Mouse, "House of Crime"

"I spilled wasabi on my shirt one time, people, ONE TIME!"
Wasabi (explaining his nickname), Big Hero 6

Sydney Ellen Wade: I regrouped. You have to give me that. I stood in the middle of the Oval Office and made it clear that he who doesn't take the GDC seriously does so at his peril.
Beth Wade: And then you walked out the wrong door.
Sydney Ellen Wade: Are you going to keep throwing that back in my face for the rest of my life?
Beth Wade: That's my current plan, yes.

    real life 

Nothing stands out so conspicuously, or remains so firmly fixed in the memory, as something which you have blundered.

If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
John Kenneth Galbraith

When I make a mistake, it's a beaut.
Fiorello La Guardia

I'd been a Serial Killer for four years, but they'd never given me a nickname. Then you bite one guy on the arse, and suddenly you're 'The Buttmuncher.'
Frankie Boyle doing "Unlikely Lines in a Thriller Movie", Mock the Week

If Al Gore invented The Internet, I invented spell check.
Dan Quayle, inventing Gore's invention of the internet

You are remembered for the rules you break.

Last time I was here, I said I was a (referring to his penis) "Magnum". Now people are always screaming 'Magnum' at me...I really shouldn't have said it.

I had no protection against the sex jokes and changed attitudes that the Bunny article brought with it; and my heart sank whenever I was introduced as a former Playboy Bunny or found my employee photograph published with little explanation in Playboy.
Gloria Steinem on her seminal piece "I Was a Playboy Bunny"

Alistair loves cheese like Sten loves cookies. Which is to say they mention those things maybe twice, period.
David Gaider on Dragon Age fans