Quotes: Network Decay


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    Fiction 
"There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV..."
Bowling for Soup, "1985".

"It's unbelievable! The Cartoon Network is running live-action sitcoms now! They're the Cartoon Network! They're supposed to run cartoons! How can they get away with this?! It'd be like a news network running stuff besides news!"
Jason Fox, FoxTrot.

Zodd: Don't you think we can do a little better than DTV?
Phil: Why, what's wrong with DTV? It's television for demons, we're demons — it's perfect.
Zodd: Yeah, but you know how these specialty cable networks are: they start out real good, but then they lose their focus and things go downhill real quick. Just look at what happened to G4!

"Then my third thought was, 'Hold on, what's it doing on the SCI-FI CHANNEL?' Since then BRAVEHEART has been shown on the Sci-Fi Channel, live action movies are shown on Cartoon Network and there isn't a music video to be seen on MTV so channel formats straying from the channel names doesn't really surprise me anymore."
Triple Kelly, WrestleCrap.

DJ: Classic Rock 103.7 WHTT, playin' the greatest Rock 'n' Roll hits of all time!
Chris: I hate this station. They always make promises they can't deliver.
("We Built This City" by Starship plays)
Chris: See?
Family Guy, "Stew-Roids".

"At the very least, stop being disingenuous and just go ahead change the name of the network from MTV to Road Rules-Pimp My Ride-and-Intoxicated-College-Students-Doing-Disgusting-Stunts-for-No-Pay-but-Rather-Because-Someone-Shoved-a-Camera-in-Their-Faces TV."
Stewie Griffin in his rant "Why MTV Is the Root of All Evil", Stewie's Guide to World Domination.

CNN Representative: These new scripted programs will attract deep-pocketed advertisers!
Mulberry: But what if I want to watch the news? Where am I gonna get THAT?
CNN Representative: Eh...we sell reruns on DVD, if anyone's interested...
Mulberry's 2009 Fall TV Preview.

"Hello, cable service? I'm watching Black Entertainment Television, but there aren't any black people and it isn't entertaining."
Huey Freeman, The Boondocks.

Girl: Now that was a good episode.
Father: Wait, it's over? When's it on again?
Girl: Ah, stupid [adult swim] only plays it on Saturdays now.
Father: I'm not waiting a whole fucking week to find out whether Inuyasha and Kagome get together!

"You're watching The History Channel, the only network dedicated to history. Coming up next, it's Monster Quest! Arr! Followed by Hairy Bikers. Grr! But now, back to part three of Ancient Aliens at Thanksgiving!"

"You asked for it, you got it! An entire 48-hour marathon of Ghost Harassers! On the "Used To Be About History Channel"!

    Real Life 
"We are no longer a wrestling company but rather a global entertainment company with a movie studio, international licensing deals, publisher of three magazines, consumer good distributor and more."
Kellie Baldyga, a publicist for WWE. (Yes, really, they actually admitted this.)

"I sure am glad the SyFy channel is doing more reality shows, instead of original Science Fiction shows!" - Nobody, ever.

"America 2012: The Learning Channel has HoneyBooBoo, History Channel has Pawn Stars, and the Science Channel has Pumpkin Chunkin'"
Neil deGrasse Tyson, arguing why the government shouldn't defund PBS.

"Des [Lynam] switched sides to ITV as it has more live football than The BBC, unsurprising as even Cartoon Network has more live football than the BBC."
Angus Deayton, Have I Got News for You.

"This weekend on The History Channel, someone digs through old plastic junk ("It's a Dukes of Hazzard wastebasket!"), someone else tries to sell a doll head ("I used to take the heads off the bodies, and I kept the heads")... and Larry the Cable Guy taste-tests Tabasco sauce ("I can't feel my dadgum tongue!"). The History Channel. What the hell happened to us?"

"ANIME IS A WASTE OF MONEY AND TIME! WE'RE GOING ALL LIVE ACTION THIS SUMMER!"
[adult swim], lampshading their own Network Decay.

"I want to apologize to all of you. I was SEVERELY mislead. Was told we were bagging the 'movie' to do what this network was created for."
Jim Cantore on Twitter; April 30, 2010. note 

"After weeks of rumors that TLC would become the less one cunt network (so thatís what TLC really stands for) by dropping Kate Gosselin completely, they have officially announced that Kate Plus 8's current season will be its last...But on the bright side, now that the cameras will no longer be crawling all over their house, the kids won't to see their lens-fucking mom as much."
DListed, "Kate Minus A Show".

"So, I can get music videos on MTV with this?"
"No, they don't do those anymore. They do supercheap reality programs."
"Oh......What about VH-1?"
"They show nothing but I Love The __'s shows now."
"But that's an even bigger niche than showing only videos! How could that possibly be more profitable?"
"Dunno, but it's their station."
"How about Tech TV?"
"They changed their name to G4 and their focus to video games."
"So they cover game news?"
"No, they buy repeats of male-centered shows and run them."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"I'm sure it does to somebody."
"What are they running on Nick At Nite?"
"Nothing made earlier than 2000."
"TLC....does that still stand for The Learning Channel?"
"Yes, but you couldn't learn anything from it now if you tried."
"What's on the Disney Channel?"
"Nothing even remotely related to Disney."
"How about Cartoon Network?"
"They're showing live-action movies."
"Er.....is there anything on this cable package that actually does what the name says it's supposed to do??"
"The Home and Garden Channel still does....but I hear they're shifting their focus to Mexican wrestling in three months."''

"Who Wants to Be a Superhero? was a reality show developed by Stan Lee and the Sci-Fi Channel, before they decided poor literacy is cool and that women prefer the letter Y as opposed to C and I."
Linkara, "Top 15 Comics I'll Never Review".

Announcer: Coming soon on Ninja Movie Week! Ninja Dry Cleaner, Ninja Shoe Repair, Ninja Video Rental and Ninja Dentist! Coming this week on... See-Fee?... S-Y-F-Y? Eh. Um. That wrestling channel!
The Nostalgia Critic, "Raiders of the Story Arc: TMNT".

"They've been celebrating their 30th anniversary. I don't know why they bother. MTV is not what MTV was. It's like the Oklahoma City Thunder celebrating their years as the Seattle Supersonics. One is not the other, so why even pretend?"

"They're allowed to watch half an hour of television, and only cartoons. Which means no Cartoon Network."

"Remember they used to run "What-A-Cartoon"? Now itís "Where's-the-Cartoons?""
Jerry Beck, Cartoon Brew, on an article about the UK version of The Office being premiered on [adult swim].

"Maybe I'm suffering from 90's baby "Who Moved My Cheese?" syndrome, but Cartoon Network may want to focus on CARTOONS.. Even [adult swim] sucks. With the exception of The Boondocks, the Anime-Saturday blocks, and few other shows, it's horrible. Tim & Eric aren't funny. The World Around You is not funny. Where is my adult-oriented funny?!? It's like the very industry I want to be a part of is falling down around me."
Jhenne Tyler B., Et Tu Cartoon Network?

People ask: Why is [adult swim] showing "Live" Action on a "Cartoon" Network? Good Question! Our reasons are threefold.
Why not? Once again, our reasons are threefold.
We're [adult swim], the home of Anime, whether we like it or not.
[adult swim] once again, lampshading their own Network Decay.