Quotes: My Friends... and Zoidberg

Ladies. Gentlemen. Ted.

Ruby: Sisters! Friends!...Weiss.
Weiss: Hey!

Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev! And some nobody!
Erisiel Vrumugun, Slayers: The Ghost of Sairaag

Ladies and gentlemen...and you, Elias.
Randal Graves, Clerks II

Koden: I am not about to let the third thing with my friends...and Dave and Lisa...be ruined because of the monster...or douchebag...of the week messed everything up!
—-DSBT InsaniT, 'The Camping Webisode'

The Judger: We are "The Legion of Super Heroes, and the Knifeketeer," a collection of the world's mightiest crime fighters. And the Knifeketeer.
The Knifeketeer: I'm feeling a bit excluded.
The Judger: You're included. That is what "and" means.

I mean, this is a fantastic cast of really well known actors, and Amanda Peet.

They offered Michael Douglas $15 million for the lead role but he refused. Then they offered the movie to Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Daniel Day-Lewis (can you picture that?), Jeff Bridges, Michael Keaton, Charlie Sheen, Liam Neeson, and Tim Robbins (again, can you picture that?). Then they finally offered the movie to Matthew Modine. Congratulations Matthew, you were only the tenth person they considered for the role. You only slightly beat out David Hasselhoff. I was surprised they didn’t offer Stallone the role frankly. Frank Stallone that is.

It all started out promising enough. The Carters had decided to go for broke and started bringing in big name talent. Hogan. Flair. Hardy. Van Dam. Knobbs.

Wait, what?

Yes, that is the O face Pimp Mama Kris made after she drew a pentagram (that’s her official signature) in blood on her new contract...this country’s nightmare has been extended for another 4 years. Pimp Mama Kris has once again earned the title of Pimp of the Year by brokering a “record breaking” deal worth $100 million. PMK’s wax-covered, Botox-filled ATMs including Kummy Kakes, Khlozilla, The Slow One, Kendull and Kylie Jenner are all part of the deal. Bruce Jenner is not and neither is that one who lives under the stairs and only scurries out to grab a sandwich or a cupcake left on the kitchen island. I forgot his name and I’m sure they have too.
Michael K., "Pimp Mama Kris’ Dark Powers Are Growing"

Jon Bon Jovi's bid was too low for the NFL. That's right: The Bills got lowballed by Jon Bon Jovi. They couldn't even get Bruce Springsteen to bid on this team. They had to get Springsteen's private-label equivalent...The sale has been such a clusterfuck that no bidder offered more than a billion dollars for the team. This is an NFL franchise, mind you. It could be located in Fairbanks and still rake in hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue. The Clippers just sold for $2 billion. THE CLIPPERS! But here are the Bills, so sad and helpless that they can't even fetch half that price. The league may have to start the process all over again. 'If we just add marble countertops to the kitchen and redo the hardwood floors, we'll be able to sell it for DOUBLE the asking price!' They should sell the team on Craigslist. I just imagine people going by the listing and being like, 'Christ, that's STILL on the market?' It's like trying to sell a house someone OD'd in.
—"Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Buffalo Bills"

Andrew Luck: We'll have four great teams.
Brandon Weeden: Two thrilling matchups.
Christian Ponder: Three elite quarterbacks.
Andy Dalton: And Joe Flacco.
Joe Flacco: So help me, I will beat the Romo out of every single one of you.
NFL Quarterbacks On Facebook: Divisional Roundup''

"There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs."