Quotes / Milon's Secret Castle

Let's just assume for a second this wasn't a game. Say you're at the airport, and a guard won't let you on the elevator.
Guard: "You're too fat to ride, kid."
You: "Are you serious? I only weigh like 80 pounds."
Guard: "Look. If you want to get your sumo ass on THIS elevator, you need to run to the terminal 2 miles away, find a duck underneath an unmarked seat in an undisclosed gate, and pay him $35 for a feather. Now there are going to be a lot of little monsters trying to kill you, so try not to get eaten. You'll know the duck when you see him — he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and speaking broken English. After you've got the feather, come back here, and then I'll let you ride."
You: "Couldn't I just take the stairs? I only need to get two floors up."
Guard: "Psh! If you want to tire yourself, Captain Fitness. But if you're in a hurry, you better shut your pie hole and start looking for that duck."
Seanbaby, "Useless Powerups"

  • "Milon's Secret Castle. More like MILON'S SHITTY ASSHOLE"
    —"'The Angry Video Game Nerd"'

Announcer: Welcome to Milon's Secret Castle We can't show you everything. But we can give you tips and tricks. Are you ready? Let's begin!
— The opening to Milon's Secret Castle tips and tricks from Game Player's Game Tapes VHS tape from Game Player's Magazine.

Announcer: Hitting a block could appear to be a music box. The music box takes you to the bonus stage. Collect the notes and sharps. You will be paid for these. Avoid flats, That will subtract your notes.
— From the Milon's Secret Castle tips and tricks review on Game Player's Game Tapes.