"Rommel, you Magnificent Bastard, I read your book!"
If you want to take me on, son, you're going to have to bring your game up to a whole new level.
—Lionel Luthor, Smallville
This is my first stab at real cliched villainy. How am I doing?
—David Xanatos, Gargoyles
"Nothing personal, Jack. It's just good business."
Lord Cutler Beckett, Pirates of the Caribbean
You are swearing now that someday you will destroy me. Remember far better women than yourself have sworn to do the same. Go now and look for them.
Atia of the Julii, Rome
You had to admit that the bastard had style.
—Moist von Lipwig, Going Postal
"For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for Me, It Was Tuesday."
"I've won. Exactly as planned."
—Light Yagami, Death Note
He's been callous and charismatic, sick, psychotic and enormously likable. In short, everyone's favorite megalomaniac.
"All tasks at hand have been cleared."
—Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass
"Regimes may fall and fail, but I do not."
—Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord
"You remember, boy. How I turn defeat into victory."
Captain Jack Sparrow! The best pirate ever to sail the seven seas!
"I always have a plan, John."
"They used to call the devil the father of lies. But for someone whose sin is meant to be pride, you'd think that lying would leave something of a sour taste. So my theory is that when the devil wants to get something out of you, he doesn't lie at all. He tells you the exact, literal truth. And he lets you find your own way to hell."
"A man like him can be evil to the core, but if he is charismatic and amusing, people will listen to him. They'll even like him."
"To see victory when it is within the ken of the common herd is not the acme of excellence. Neither is it the acme of excellence if you fight and conquer and the whole empire says, 'Well done!' To lift an autumn hair is no sign of great strength; to see the sun and moon is no sign of sharp sight; to hear the noise of thunder is no sign of a quick ear."
—Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Crichton: You win.
Scorpius: As if there was ever any doubt.
— Farscape, "Liars, Guns And Money, Part II"
"Now the general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple ere the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all! It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose."
—Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I really wish I could hate you, but I am so in awe of your outright bastardry that I cannot help but admire your style.
"The man's incredible. I'd like to meet him, shake his hand. And then kill him, of course."
Well. I can't say that any of this mess was part of my original plan, but it's all working out so beautifully I can't complain.
Tarvek Sturmvoraus, Girl Genius
Father had warned Draco against people like this, people who could ruin you and still be so likable that it was hard to hate them properly.
Joker: You didn't really think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you, did you? No, you need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
Batman: What did you do?
Joker: I took Gotham's White Knight, and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. See, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push.
"Even at a distance, I learned a lot from your father: If someone can't handle an unpleasant truth? Lie to them. If someone won't listen to reason? Make them. If people don't choose to live peaceably? Don't give them a choice. If you don't like the rules, change the game."
Tarvek Sturmvoraus', Girl Genius
Iris: Oh, that's right. Why was I at the training hall? It was all an act. Hear me? An a-c-t.
Lilli: An act!?
Iris: Every story worth hearing has a damsel in distress. I've always wanted to play that part. And you made sure to pick up my pendant like a good little heroine. Thank you!
Iris: Thanks to that, I was able to observe your every move. It was really amusing, watching you give it your all. No other playwright could have envisioned something so splendid!
Spiritia: A play!?
Iris: That's right. An epic saga penned by yours truly. Pitting the peaceful Liebea against your idiotic ideals was sheer brilliance! Watching friends turn on one another thanks to a tiny seed of doubt I planted... wonderful! Even the stoic Sichte swallowed that drivel about a world just for Magi. Hook, line, and sinker, no less! Magnificent! And the dreams of the commonfolk being trampled underfoot... Hahaha! I think I'm going to cry!
Iris: ...You recovered from that so quickly. I'm impressed.
Grolla: What are you plotting!? Explain yourself!
Iris: Such a noisy eyesore...
Grolla: Answer me! Have you been deceiving us!?
Iris: Heheheh. Is something the matter? You're trembling.
Grolla: Why are you so calm!?
Iris: It seems I overestimated your common sense. Observe.
"In other words, we won't know exactly the odds of any one number coming up until we roll it a significant number of times. It seems that we are in the middle of a 'continuum shift'. Basically, expect the unexpected! Observe. I shall show you the true meaning of power!"
Rachel Alucard, BlazBlue: Continuum Shift
"Do not worry. What you see before you is but a blunt instrument. They have achieved victory through brute force, but you cannot cut through an ever changing river with an axe. This hero will have no idea how to deal with illusion, trickery and lies. By the time they have discovered the truth, the Chaos Beast will be awakened and the humans will be nothing more than fairy tale monsters that we will tell our young about."
— Kitsune, AdventureQuest Worlds
"Excellent. Everything is going according to plan!"
— Noxus, AdventureQuest Worlds
"What an... entertaining turn of events. Escherion has been defeated and Chiral Valley has been freed. But that is the nature of Chaos: unpredictable. Escherion served my purpose well. The Lake Hydra was freed, destroying one of the seals. It's only a matter of time. But Escherion couldn't have done it alone. That hero found him the cube. I hope you had fun, hero... The next Lord of Chaos has already been chosen!"
—Drakath after Escherion has served his purpose in AdventureQuest Worlds
"Born is a human with a kung-fu spine,
Equipped with a detector of what's on your mind.
You jive, you shuck, you bob, you weave, and
When you're down, you've got something up your sleeve."
— Smash Mouth, "Defeat You"
Scar: Now you wait here. Your father has a marvelous surprise for you.
Simba: Oooh, what is it?
Scar: If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?
Simba: If you tell me, I'll still act surprised.
Scar: Ho ho ho. You are such a naughty boy.
Simba: Come on, Uncle Scar.
Scar: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is just for you and your daddy. You know, a sort of... father-son... thing. Well, I'd better go get him.
Simba: I'll go with you!
Scar: No! Heh heh heh. No. Just stay on this rock. You wouldn't want to end up in another mess like you did with the hyenas.
Simba: You know about that?
Scar: Simba, everybody knows about that.
Scar: Oh, yes. Lucky Daddy was there to save you, eh? Oh, and just between us, you might want to work on that little roar of yours, hmm?
Simba: Oh... Okay. Hey Uncle Scar! Will I like the surprise?
Scar: Simba, it's to die for.
—Scar planning the wildebeest stampede in The Lion King
"You know, there was a time where nobody threatened me. I just wouldn't stand for it. The amount of people I killed, of bodies I twisted and bones I snapped, all because they had allowed their anger to momentarily overwhelm their good sense. I regret it all now, of course. I was out of control. I was indulging the darkness inside me far too often. I was not, Mr. Prave, a very nice person. But I have changed. I have allowed the years to mellow me. Now I find joy in simple pleasures. A good book. A fine wine. Good company. All of these things make me smile. They make me happy. But once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I'm talking about, don't you. The urge for destruction. The urge to hunt, maim, kill. It's quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash over you, to give into it. It's addictive. It's all-consuming. You lose yourself to it. It's quite, quite wonderful. I can feel it, even as we speak, tapping around the edges of my mind, trying to prise me open, to slip it's fingers in. And it would be so easy to let it happen. But we're all like that, aren't we? We're all barbarians at our core. We're all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I'm sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr. Prave, is how loudly we roar. I know I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me?"
China Sorrows, Skulduggery Pleasant
Ashes, dust, my children were a bust. They shall inherit nothing. No, no. My legacy is too great to throw away on ingrates. Nathan Wallace had potential, till he stole my Marnie away. In denial Nathan blamed himself for Marnie's sudden death and never once thought to suspect the man who wrote his checks! I guess I'll take it to my death.
Rotti Largo, Repo! The Genetic Opera
I think history records that we've had our moments, but I'd like to think I took my medicine like a man.
Peter "the Dark Lord" Mandelson casually explaining away rumors that Gordon Brown abused staff.
I'm not a Republic serial villain, Dan. I wouldn't explain my master-stroke if there remained even the slightest chance of you effecting its outcome. I did it thirty-five minutes ago.
Adrian Veidt, Watchmen
If there is one realm in which it is essential to be sublime, it is in wickedness. You spit on a petty thief, but you can't deny a kind of respect for the great criminal.
You cannot fool me, you cannot defeat me, your mind is an open book to me.
Shiwan Khan, The Shadow
I am not on anybody's side.
Gaius Baltar, Battlestar Galactica (Reimagined)
When you set out to take Vienna, take Vienna.
...and an Assassin without style, everyone agreed, was just a highly paid arrogant thug.
Long Feng: Now comes the part where I double-cross you. Dai Li, arrest the Fire Nation Princess... I said, arrest her... What is wrong with you?
Azula: It's because they haven't made up their minds. They're waiting to see how this is going to end.
Long Feng: What are you talking about?
Azula: I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with nothing. So you had to struggle and connive and claw your way to power. But true power... the divine right to rule... is something you're born with. The fact is, they don't know which one of us is going to be sitting on that throne and which one is going to be bowing down. But I know. And you know.
Long Feng: You've beaten me at my own game.
Azula: Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player.
Our showdown, while inevitable, is premature. Although it would be the simplest thing for me to take away your bending right now, I won't. You'd only become a martyr. Benders of every nation would rally behind your untimely demise, but I assure you, I have a plan. And I'm saving you for last, then you'll get your duel, and I will destroy you.
Regina: This is your doing; isnít it?
Mr. Gold: Most things are.
—Once Upon a Time, "Broken"
Eli: "Tristan, you need to be in this musical. And if that bothers Becky in the process, bonus."
Tristan: "So... you're using me?"
Eli: "Do you mind?"
Tristan: "Not a bit, you magnificent bastard!"
Brainiac: You deceived me Darkseid, used me.
Irene: Everything I said...it's not real. I was just playing the game.
Sherlock: I know. And this is just you losing.
Gohan: "That was a dirty trick! Sucking those two (Goten & Trunks) into you!"
Majin Buu: "It's your fault! You were stronger that me and I had to be the strongest! I made this plan when I felt you far off in space... I felt the possibility of someone stronger than me. So I thought 'If Super Gotenks was a part of me, no one could be stronger than I!' But it looked like there was a time limit on the power of those brats. I heard them talking about it. I didn't want to go back to normal after I absorbed them, so I waited for my next chance. They could turn into Super Gotenks again in an hour so I hid until then.
Gohan: "Really? But from the way you keep carrying on, it still looks like your an idiot. If you really wanted to be the strongest, you could have absorbed me."
Majin Buu: "Didn't you hear the previous Majin. 'I'm going to destroy you.' That's my ultimate goal."
Gohan: "You're right... I see. So that's what's happening."
Majin Buu: "Well then... lets finish this fight quickly. There seems to be a strict time on the amount of time that Super Gotenks can stay transformed."
Gohan: "That's a pretty accurate observation. Looks like you were justified in absorbing Piccolo."
I know Iíll never trust a single thing you say
You knew your lies would divide us but you lied anyway
And all the lies have got you floating up above us all
— Linkin Park, "Hit the Floor"
Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time,
And turning all against one is an art that's hard to teach,
Another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd,
And as you step back in the line a mob jumps to their feet.
Now dance, fucker, dance,
Man he never had a chance,
And no one even knew,
It was really only you.
And now you steal away,
Take him out today,
Nice work you did,
You're gonna go far, kid.
—The Offspring "You're Gonna Go Far Kid"