Quotes / Magnificent Bastard

This is my first stab at real cliched villainy. How am I doing?
David Xanatos, Gargoyles

"Nothing personal, Jack. It's just good business."

You are swearing now that someday you will destroy me. Remember far better women than yourself have sworn to do the same. Go now and look for them.
Atia of the Julii, Rome

You had to admit that the bastard had style.
Moist von Lipwig, Going Postal

"For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for Me, It Was Tuesday."
M. Bison, Street Fighter (The Movie)

"I've won. Exactly as planned."
Light Yagami, Death Note

He's been callous and charismatic, sick, psychotic and enormously likable. In short, everyone's favorite megalomaniac.

"All tasks at hand have been cleared."
Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass

"Regimes may fall and fail, but I do not."
Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord

"You remember, boy. How I turn defeat into victory."
Megabyte, Reboot

Captain Jack Sparrow! The best pirate ever to sail the seven seas!

"I always have a plan, John."
Ben, Lost

"They used to call the devil the father of lies. But for someone whose sin is meant to be pride, you'd think that lying would leave something of a sour taste. So my theory is that when the devil wants to get something out of you, he doesn't lie at all. He tells you the exact, literal truth. And he lets you find your own way to hell."

"A man like him can be evil to the core, but if he is charismatic and amusing, people will listen to him. They'll even like him."

"To see victory when it is within the ken of the common herd is not the acme of excellence. Neither is it the acme of excellence if you fight and conquer and the whole empire says, 'Well done!' To lift an autumn hair is no sign of great strength; to see the sun and moon is no sign of sharp sight; to hear the noise of thunder is no sign of a quick ear."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Crichton: You win.
Scorpius: As if there was ever any doubt.
Farscape, "Liars, Guns And Money, Part II"

"Now the general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple ere the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all! It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I really wish I could hate you, but I am so in awe of your outright bastardry that I cannot help but admire your style.
Yukiko to the Third Hokage, Strange Companions (Chapter 5)

"The man's incredible. I'd like to meet him, shake his hand. And then kill him, of course."

Well. I can't say that any of this mess was part of my original plan, but it's all working out so beautifully I can't complain.
Tarvek Sturmvoraus, Girl Genius

Father had warned Draco against people like this, people who could ruin you and still be so likable that it was hard to hate them properly.

Joker: You didn't really think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you, did you? No, you need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
Batman: What did you do?
Joker: I took Gotham's White Knight, and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. See, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push.

"Even at a distance, I learned a lot from your father: If someone can't handle an unpleasant truth? Lie to them. If someone won't listen to reason? Make them. If people don't choose to live peaceably? Don't give them a choice. If you don't like the rules, change the game."
Tarvek Sturmvoraus, Girl Genius

Iris: Oh, that's right. Why was I at the training hall? It was all an act. Hear me? An a-c-t.
Lilli: An act!?
Iris: Every story worth hearing has a damsel in distress. I've always wanted to play that part. And you made sure to pick up my pendant like a good little heroine. Thank you!
Spiritia: This...?
Iris: Thanks to that, I was able to observe your every move. It was really amusing, watching you give it your all. No other playwright could have envisioned something so splendid!
Spiritia: A play!?
Iris: That's right. An epic saga penned by yours truly. Pitting the peaceful Liebea against your idiotic ideals was sheer brilliance! Watching friends turn on one another thanks to a tiny seed of doubt I planted... wonderful! Even the stoic Sichte swallowed that drivel about a world just for Magi. Hook, line, and sinker, no less! Magnificent! And the dreams of the commonfolk being trampled underfoot... Hahaha! I think I'm going to cry!

Iris: ...You recovered from that so quickly. I'm impressed.
Grolla: What are you plotting!? Explain yourself!
Iris: Such a noisy eyesore...
Grolla: Answer me! Have you been deceiving us!?
Iris: Heheheh. Is something the matter? You're trembling.
Grolla: Why are you so calm!?
Iris: It seems I overestimated your common sense. Observe.
RosenkreuzStilette, for when Iris is about to demonstrate part of her magnificence by pulling off her Wounded Gazelle Gambit on Grolla.

"In other words, we won't know exactly the odds of any one number coming up until we roll it a significant number of times. It seems that we are in the middle of a 'continuum shift'. Basically, expect the unexpected! Observe. I shall show you the true meaning of power!"
Rachel Alucard, BlazBlue: Continuum Shift

"Do not worry. What you see before you is but a blunt instrument. They have achieved victory through brute force, but you cannot cut through an ever changing river with an axe. This hero will have no idea how to deal with illusion, trickery and lies. By the time they have discovered the truth, the Chaos Beast will be awakened and the humans will be nothing more than fairy tale monsters that we will tell our young about."
Kitsune, AdventureQuest Worlds

"Excellent. Everything is going according to plan!"

"What an... entertaining turn of events. Escherion has been defeated and Chiral Valley has been freed. But that is the nature of Chaos: unpredictable. Escherion served my purpose well. The Lake Hydra was freed, destroying one of the seals. It's only a matter of time. But Escherion couldn't have done it alone. That hero found him the cube. I hope you had fun, hero... The next Lord of Chaos has already been chosen!"
Drakath after Escherion has served his purpose in AdventureQuest Worlds

"Born is a human with a kung-fu spine,
Equipped with a detector of what's on your mind.
You jive, you shuck, you bob, you weave, and
When you're down, you've got something up your sleeve."
Smash Mouth, "Defeat You"

Scar: Now you wait here. Your father has a marvelous surprise for you.
Simba: Oooh, what is it?
Scar: If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?
Simba: If you tell me, I'll still act surprised.
Scar: Ho ho ho. You are such a naughty boy.
Simba: Come on, Uncle Scar.
Scar: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is just for you and your daddy. You know, a sort of... father-son... thing. Well, I'd better go get him.
Simba: I'll go with you!
Scar: No! Heh heh heh. No. Just stay on this rock. You wouldn't want to end up in another mess like you did with the hyenas.
Simba: You know about that?
Scar: Simba, everybody knows about that.
Simba: Really?
Scar: Oh, yes. Lucky Daddy was there to save you, eh? Oh, and just between us, you might want to work on that little roar of yours, hmm?
Simba: Oh... Okay. Hey Uncle Scar! Will I like the surprise?
Scar: Simba, it's to die for.
— Scar planning the wildebeest stampede in The Lion King

"You know, there was a time where nobody threatened me. I just wouldn't stand for it. The amount of people I killed, of bodies I twisted and bones I snapped, all because they had allowed their anger to momentarily overwhelm their good sense. I regret it all now, of course. I was out of control. I was indulging the darkness inside me far too often. I was not, Mr. Prave, a very nice person. But I have changed. I have allowed the years to mellow me. Now I find joy in simple pleasures. A good book. A fine wine. Good company. All of these things make me smile. They make me happy. But once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hunt, maim, kill. It's quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash over you, to give into it. It's addictive. It's all-consuming. You lose yourself to it. It's quite, quite wonderful. I can feel it, even as we speak, tapping around the edges of my mind, trying to prise me open, to slip its fingers in. And it would be so easy to let it happen. But we're all like that, aren't we? We're all barbarians at our core. We're all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I'm sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr. Prave, is how loudly we roar. I know I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me?"
China Sorrows, Skulduggery Pleasant

Ashes, dust, my children were a bust. They shall inherit nothing. No, no. My legacy is too great to throw away on ingrates. Nathan Wallace had potential, till he stole my Marnie away. In denial Nathan blamed himself for Marnie's sudden death and never once thought to suspect the man who wrote his checks! I guess I'll take it to my death.
Rotti Largo, Repo! The Genetic Opera

I think history records that we've had our moments, but I'd like to think I took my medicine like a man.
Peter "the Dark Lord" Mandelson casually explaining away rumors that Gordon Brown abused staff.

I'm not a Republic serial villain, Dan. I wouldn't explain my master-stroke if there remained even the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome. I did it thirty-five minutes ago.
Adrian Veidt, Watchmen

If there is one realm in which it is essential to be sublime, it is in wickedness. You spit on a petty thief, but you can't deny a kind of respect for the great criminal.
Denis Diderot

You cannot fool me, you cannot defeat me, your mind is an open book to me.
Shiwan Khan, The Shadow

I am not on anybody's side.
Gaius Baltar, Battlestar Galactica (2003)

When you set out to take Vienna, take Vienna.

...and an Assassin without style, everyone agreed, was just a highly paid arrogant thug.

Long Feng: Now comes the part where I double-cross you. Dai Li, arrest the Fire Nation Princess... I said, arrest her... What is wrong with you?
Azula: It's because they haven't made up their minds. They're waiting to see how this is going to end.
Long Feng: What are you talking about?
Azula: I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with nothing. So you had to struggle and connive and claw your way to power. But true power... the divine right to rule... is something you're born with. The fact is, they don't know which one of us is going to be sitting on that throne and which one is going to be bowing down. But I know. And you know.
Long Feng: You've beaten me at my own game.
Azula: Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player.

Regina: This is your doing; isnít it?
Mr. Gold: Most things are.
Once Upon a Time, "Broken"

Eli: "Tristan, you need to be in this musical. And if that bothers Becky in the process, bonus."
Tristan: "So... you're using me?"
Eli: "Do you mind?"
Tristan: "Not a bit, you magnificent bastard!"

Brainiac: You deceived me Darkseid, used me.
Irene: Everything I said...it's not real. I was just playing the game.
Sherlock: I know. And this is just you losing.

Gohan: "That was a dirty trick! Sucking those two (Goten & Trunks) into you!"
Super Buu: "It's your fault! You were stronger that me and I had to be the strongest! I made this plan when I felt you far off in space... I felt the possibility of someone stronger than me. So I thought 'If Super Gotenks was a part of me, no one could be stronger than I!' But it looked like there was a time limit on the power of those brats. I heard them talking about it. I didn't want to go back to normal after I absorbed them, so I waited for my next chance. They could turn into Super Gotenks again in an hour so I hid until then.
Gohan: "Really? But from the way you keep carrying on, it still looks like you're an idiot. If you really wanted to be the strongest, you could have absorbed me."
Gohan: "What?"
Super Buu: "Didn't you hear the previous Majin. 'I'm going to destroy you.' That's my ultimate goal."
Gohan: "You're right... I see. So that's what's happening."
Gohan: "That's a pretty accurate observation. Looks like you were justified in absorbing Piccolo."

I know Iíll never trust a single thing you say
You knew your lies would divide us but you lied anyway
And all the lies have got you floating up above us all
Music/Linkin Park, "Hit the Floor"

Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time,
And turning all against one is an art that's hard to teach,
Another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd,
And as you step back in the line a mob jumps to their feet.
Now dance, fucker, dance,
Man he never had a chance,
And no one even knew,
It was really only you.
And now you steal away,
Take him out today,
Nice work you did,
You're gonna go far, kid
The Offspring "You're Gonna Go Far Kid"

Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.
Petyr 'Littlefinger' Baelish, Game of Thrones

Know your strengths, use them wisely and one man can be worth 10,000.
Petyr 'Littlefinger' Baelish, Game of Thrones

Treachery keeps the wits sharp.
Megatron, Beast Wars

Sister, when I've raised hell, you'll know it.
Tom Reagan, Miller's Crossing

For my part, if a man must needs be a knave I would have him a debonair knave... It makes your sin no worse as I conceive, to do it à la mode and stylishly.

Oh God! What a bitch! She's so fucking awesome!
The Nostalgia Critic describing Azula

Dugalle: You vastly underestimate me, my dear.
Kerrigan: I don't think so, Admiral. You see, at this point... I am pretty much the Queen Bitch of the Universe. And not all of your little soldiers or space ships will stand in my way again.

Let me ask you something, Mr. Garibaldi. Purely philosophical. On a scale of one to ten...how stupid do you think I am?
Alfred Bester, Babylon 5

Spiders spin their webs, yes. But I spin them larger.
Megatron, Beast Wars

Holly McClane: After all your posturing, all your little speeches, you're nothing but a common thief.
Hans Gruber: I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane.

Remnants of Gotham: I have messages for you all. To the vandals who stayed behind to pick the still-warm flesh from Gotham's bones: have your fun. You are under my protection. To the cowards quaking behind the police department's walls: you will not be spared. And to Batman: I have already won!
Scarecrow, Batman: Arkham Knight

And cry 'Content' to that which grieves my heart,
And frame my face to all occasions.
I'll drown more sailors than the mermaid shall;
I'll slay more gazers than the basilisk;
And, like a Sinon, take another Troy.
I can add colours to the chameleon,
Change shapes with Proteus for advantages,
And set the murderous Machiavel to school.
Can I do this, and cannot get a crown?
I have experience, and patience. A man can do anything if he has those.
Helmut Zemo, Captain America: Civil War

Hunt is uniquely trained and highly motivated. A specialist without equal, immune to any counter measures. There is no secret he cannot extract. No security he cannot breach. No person he cannot become. He has mostly likely anticipated this very conversation... and is waiting to strike in whatever direction we move. Sir. Hunt is the living manifestation of destiny. And he has made you his mission.

Antasma: SCREEP! Impressive, to haff come so far...
Dreambert: Antasma! Hear me! This is the end for you! This time, I will ensure you never return!
Antasma: SCREEK! I haff heard those vords before, a long time ago... But this time vill be different... I haff Bowser on my si-
[Bowser throws Antasma to the ground]
Antasma: Vut?! Ouch!
Bowser: Hmph! I don't work well with others!
Antasma: SCREEK! Vut do you mean by this?!
Bowser: I mean you're an idiot! You thought you were using me? ME?! Buddy, I was playing you like a bat fiddle!
Antasma: Vut in the... No! How could you?!
Bowser: I'll tell you how. This castle? Peach? The Dream Stone? ALL MINE. You hear me? They belong to Bowser! [...] Why don't you guys have yourselves a pity party? Me, I'm done with you. Dream Stone! Let's get dreamy! Take me to the top!
Dreambert: Such a betrayal... I pity you, Antasma!

Senator Steven Armstrong: Well if it isn't saucy Jack? Just a little too late, as usual...
Raiden: Armstrong?! Impressive little toy you got there. But your plan ends here.
Armstrong: [laughs] Idiot. You're not ending our plan, you're expanding it. Checked the internet lately?
Raiden: Pfft.
Boris: Raiden! Air Force One is turning back to the States!
Raiden: What? How'd they know?!
Boris: Someone posted photos of what's happening to the base. The whole world is up in arms!
Raiden: Show me! [Raiden's codec displays several news reports] How did they...? The story leaked early...? Then Marshal's plan is ruined.
Boris: The hell it is! Look what they're saying! The story just went live and already they are calling for blood!
Raiden: But the president was saved...?
Armstrong: And yet American blood was spilled
Raiden: By Americans! Besides, a few dozen soldiers is tragic, but nothing to start a major war over.
Armstrong: That's just the spark, son. The excuse we've been waiting for. America's wanted this war for years. The Patriots — they knew war was good for the economy. Four years later their legacy lingers on...
Raiden: The memes...
Armstrong: They left us their great "ism"s! Nationalism! Unilateralism! Materialism! Welcome maxims for those with no faith — without guiding principles of their own. Give yourself up to the whole. No need to better yourself — you're American! You're number one! Then the only value left is the dollar value — the economy. So we'll do whatever it takes to keep it humming along. Even war. Especially war.
Raiden: [shakes his head] Bullshit.
Armstrong: The Patriots planted the seed — we don't need them around to filter and foster their memes any longer. We're spreading them just fine ourselves. Every American man, woman and child... We're all sons of the Patriots now! We just need something to jump start the economy out of this funk. This recession it's been stuck in since the fall of SOP.
Raiden: And the military costs? Wasting billions is going to help the economy?
Armstrong: PMCs, arms manufacturers... Job creators, Jack! All those workers spending money, paying taxes... Trust me, a little war can work wonders.
Raiden: So grease the gears with some innocent blood, is that it?
Armstrong: Oh, relax, Jack. It's a "war on terror." We're not out to kill civilians. Extremists. Lawless gangs. Madmen. Of course that would have to include you. Wouldn't want any eyewitness reports complicating the message.

Mickey: What you did back then ─ your mistakes ─ changed the destinies of three of my friends!
Master Xehanort: Ah, but destiny is never left to chance. I merely guided them to their proper places. The broken boy who failed to be the blade...the misguided master who sacrificed herself for a friend...and the feckless youth who became my new vessel.
Mickey: I couldn't find a way to save 'em. But I wanted to believe that their sacrifice stopped you for good. Why? How was I so blind? I should have seen it, as soon as Maleficent started gathering the seven princesses of heart.
Riku: But you failed. Sora stopped you in your tracks on both counts.
Master Xehanort: Yes, he did. That dull, ordinary boy ─ a Keyblade wielder so unlike any I have ever seen. However, I have not abandoned my ambitions ─ the seven guardians of light and the thirteen seekers of darkness.
Mickey: Seven guardians of light? Well, for Keyblade wielders, there's me and Riku and Sora. And my three missing friends, that's six. Then the seventh would be...That means... the thirteen seekers of darkness...
Master Xehanort: Yes, little king. Perceptive. But Sora and another on your list belong to me now. And that puts you three guardians short. But worry not. All of the pieces are destined to appear. Your seven lights just like my thirteen darknesses, whose final clash will beget the prize I seek ─
Xehanort & Mickey: The χ-blade!
— Master Xehanort explaining his plan in Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance

Bedrager: Do you remember, Mr. a-Skankhunt, when you and your little buddies trolled the entire country of a-Denmark?
Gerald: And that was wrong, too. I certainly want to apologize for that.
Bedrager: That was certainly a display of the power of a-trolling, wasn't it. But, what would be even more impressive?
Gerald:I-I don't understand.
Bedrager: What if you could troll the entire world? Somebody who could rise to political power through nothing more that pushing people's a-buttons and getting them all riled up, become the leader of...a Scandinavian country, perhaps, get them to listen to you when, actually...[Now speaking with an American accent] you're not even fucking Danish.
Gerald: No way.
Bedrager: Use that country to create a machine that relies on the shittiness of people to fuck over other people and watch the whole world go completely batshit... [speaking with a Danish accent] Attention all a-Troll Trace workers, Please report to assembly hall one for a big announcement. [reverting back to his American accent] Completely fool everyone and keep your real intentions completely anonymous.
Gerald:You would—deliberately start World War III, let the people of Denmark die, set everyone on Earth against each other? Why?!
Bedrager: Because its freakin' hilarious!
Lennart Bedrager revealing his true plan and intentions in "Not Funny", South Park

Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends, up there on the sanctuary moon, are walking into a trap, as is your Rebel fleet. It was *I* who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.
Emperor Palpatine, Return of the Jedi