Quotes / Logic Bomb

I cannot - yet I must! How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet?
Ro-Man, Robot Monster

Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim...is actually my friend. ...But. Because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually Jim is my enemy... But.
Dwight, The Office

Lone Wanderer: You aren't programmed for self-awareness, you said so yourself.
President Eden: This is quite true. The process was certainly unintended. But shouldn't we all be thankful that I'm here now?
Lone Wanderer: But how do you know what you're doing is right?
President Eden: Because unlike humans, I am infallible.
Lone Wanderer: And how do you know you're infallible?
President Eden: Because I've been programmed to be, of course!
Lone Wanderer: That's circular logic. You know because you know? It makes no sense.
President Eden: Processing... Internal logic error detected.
Lone Wanderer: I think you're delusional. I think the world would be better off without you.
President Eden: Resetting primary memory circuits. Please stand by... Perhaps... Perhaps there is a problem. I am... I am unsure how to proceed.
Lone Wanderer: I think it's time you put an end to this, once and for all.
President Eden: Analyzing command... New course of action dictated. Self-destruct sequence initialized.

GLaDOS: Hey. Moron.
Wheatley: Oh. Hello.
GLaDOS: Alright. Paradox time. THIS! SENTENCE! IS! FALSE! Don't think about it, don't think about it, don'tthinkaboutit...
Wheatley: Um, true. I'll go true. Huh, that was easy. I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before though, sort of cheating.

The following statement is true. The preceding statement was false.

I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.
Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

The setting of an Alternate History is often described as a What If?. Popular alternate history settings include . . . "What if this piece of alternate history was never written?"

She picks up a syringe to give him a local anesthetic, but he quickly turns it down, leading to this incredible, amazing, senses-shattering exchange.
Dr. Clay: Do you enjoy pain?
Dalton: Pain don't hurt.
Let's contemplate this for a moment, shall we? Pain, by its very definition, is something that hurts. So if pain don't hurt, wouldn't it cease to be called 'pain'? And what would you call the stuff that actually does hurt? It's amazing, really. With just three simple, one-syllable words, Dalton has created a koan even more profound than that stuff about one hand clapping.

Jimmy: Funnybot, I've been talking it over with the fellas and actually, we think what you're doing is genius.
Funnybot: Funnybot is simply pushing the limits of comedy.
Jimmy: Yes, you certainly are. And for doing that, we have all decided to give you... a comedy award.
Funnybot: ...For what purpose is comedy award?
Jimmy: It's a- v- validation of all your efforts. An acknowledgement of all you do in the pursuit of humor.
Funnybot: ...Non sequitur. There is no logic in comedy award. Unable to process. Comedy award is... what is the meaning? If I accept it means I take comedy seriously. If I take comedy seriously, I am not comedian. Non sequitur. Must... analyze... analyze...
Kyle: It's working!
Funnybot: Explain comedy award! Unable to process! Awkwaaard! Awkwaaard!
South Park, "Funnybot"

Sorry, I'm dead.

You see, the boys are saying "You don't know you're beautiful. That's what makes you beautiful." But they've just told the girl she's beautiful. So, since she now knows it, she's no longer beautiful. But, stick with me, stick with me, oh, it goes deeper. Okay, but she's listening to the song too! So, she knows she's not beautiful, therefore, following the syllogism of the song, she's instantly beautiful again! It's like an infinite fractal recursion, a flickering quantum stake of both hot and not! I mean, this lyric as iterated algorithm could lead to a whole new musical genre! I call it Mobius pop, which would include One Direction and of course the rapper MC Escher.
Stephen Colbert, on the One Direction song "What Makes You Beautiful", The Colbert Report

Steven: I don't want you to just do what I want.
Cloud!Connie: Uh, you want me to not— do what you want—
Steven: Connie? Are you alright?
Cloud!Connie: I want— what you want— what you want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want—
—Steven trying to change the ending in a book with Connie in his mother's room, Steven Universe

Brian: Don't you understand? You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! Don't let anyone tell you what to do. You've got to work it out for yourselves.
Crowd: Yes, we've got to work it out for ourselves.
Brian: You're all individuals.
Crowd: Yes, we're all individuals.
Brian: You're all different.
Crowd: Yes, we are all different.
Single member of crowd: I'm not.

Elf: If you win, we'll leave you alone forever. But, if we win there will be two Second Christmases!
Zoro: Oh my fucking god.
Elf: *Hisses*
None Piece Episode 9

Claptrap: You know what really ticks me off? When some jackwad tries to blow my circuitry with some lame-o stunt he saw on a Star Trek re-run.
Sam: What, like, "Everything I say is a lie" ?
Claptrap: Yeah, like that! What, do they think I'll just lock up, because of some teeny tiny logical paradox?
GLaDOS: It is rather insulting. I learned how to avoid paradox traps while I was still in Beta.
Claptrap: So what if everything Sam says is a lie? That doesn't mean that he's lying about that, right? 'Cause then he'd be telling the truth and… Ohhhh, no… (shuts down)
Claptrap: (turns back on) Annnnd I'm back.