Quotes / Like an Old Married Couple

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    Anime and Manga 

Tyson: Does anyone know where we're going?
Kai: Just zip it and follow me, okay?
Max: Sounds like they're married.
Ray: Yeah, no kidding.

    Fan Fiction 

Asuka: Shinji! Listen to me, dummkopf!
Shinji: What is it, Asuka?
Asuka: Hikari told me about AXL's Game Center! It sounds fun! I want you to take me there, okay?
Shinji: I don't know if...
Asuka: Stop being so hesitant! You're getting on my nerves!
Toji: Not yet married, and she's already henpecking you...
The Child of Love, Chapter 5

Geez... They sound married already ^_^'

Shinji: You know, if you flashed the class, I bet you could kill half the male population.
Asuka: Tojiís an idiot and Reiís a liar.
Shinji: Tojiís been hospitalized and you never denied that quote from Rei.
Asuka: Alright, sheís a horrible exaggerator! Happy now?
Shinji: No! This shirt was brand new.
Asuka: Gah! Why must you take her side?
Shinji: Iím not. I just enjoy winding you up, or have you not figured that out by now?

    Film - Live-Action 

Chucky: What are you doing? (Tiffany throws a plate at him) What would Martha Stewert say?
Tiffany: FUCK Martha Stewert! Martha Stewert can kiss my shiny, plastic butt! Here I am, slaving away over a hot stove, making cookies, making Swedish meatballs, and for what?! For a man who doesn't appreciate me! For a man who can't even wash one FUCKING dish! For a man who isn't even a man at all where it counts, if you catch my drift! (turns to Jade) Take it from me, honey! Plastic is no substitute for a nice hunk of wood!
Chucky: (turns to Jesse) And you're complaining last night. (turns back to Tiffany) Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, PROBABLY battery-operated, to get a reaction out of you in bed! And by the way, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN TO BAKE?!!


Mayor Snaplaunce: [Ben and Vestara], are they a couple?
Luke Skywalker: No.
Snaplaunce: They argue like one.
Luke: So you are a couple with every one of your political opponents?
Snaplaunce: Oh, well struck, Master Skywalker.

    Live-Action TV 

Penny: It's kind of nice. Look at us, I'm reading, you're reading. We're like an old married couple.
Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store.
Penny: I want a divorce...
Sheldon: Good, on the way to the lawyers pick up some tea and cookies.

Howard: Look, just for the record, we're not in an "ersatz homosexual relationship."
Raj: Well, then why didn't you say that to her?
Howard: Why is it always my responsibility?
Raj: Oh, it's not "always" your responsibility. I swear, this is the same thing you did at the comic book store last week.
Howard: ...I can't believe you're bringing that up.
Raj: I didn't bring it up, you did.
Howard: (through gritted teeth, glancing at Sheldon) We'll talk about this later.
Raj: Well, you always say that, but we never do.
Sheldon: ...You went to the comic book store without me?

Richard Castle: Okay. So you and I are married.
Kate Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: Well, I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay. If we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Owner: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle and Beckett: (in unison) Yes.
Castle, "A Chill Runs Through Her Veins"

Listen, I've been married to Ava Morgenstern for forty-three years...
—- Auggie Matthews (age 6), Girl Meets World

Turk: When Sam gets older I teach him about sports and stuff, and you're in charge of Izzy's emotional crap. We agreed, that's how we'd raise our kids.
J.D.: "Our kids?" Turk, we're not married.
Turk: Dude, we're a little married.
J.D.: I know, I love it.

Don't play coy with me, Captain. I witnessed your little spat with Vash. Nor will I soon forget the look of anguish on your face, the pain, the misery. If I didn't know better, I would have thought you were already married!

Secretary: (on phone) Assistant Director Skinner's office... Oh, I'm sorry, he's about to go into a meeting. Yes, it may last several hours.
Scully: (minor Oh, Crap!)
Secretary: You're welcome.
Scully: (whispering while fussing with Mulder's tie) Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.note 
Mulder: Would you stop that?
Scully: Couldn't hurt.
Mulder: Just stop it!
(Skinner opens his door and sticks his head out, making the others jump)
Skinner: Scully, Mulder...
Mulder: I was drugged!

    Video Games 

Guard: These two bicker on like an old married couple.
Male Scientist: We are an old married couple!
Female Scientist: Who are you calling old!?!

Cabot: Don't worry, [Abe and Parnell] are friends.
Caira: Friends? I thought they were married.

    Web Original 

Snape: Listen to you, quarreling like an old married couple.
Sirius/Lupin shippers: YAY!

Tucker: I'm still picking up the Reds' transmissions from when we broadcast that Lopez song. There's a lot of chatter.
Church: Well, are you at least getting any useful information?
Tucker: Nah, it's just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for like five minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?

    Western Animation 

Kid Flash: So I'm your ninja boyfriend, huh?
Artemis: Hey, I had amnesia. Remember? I completely forgot how truly annoying you are.
Kid Flash: Oh, and you're the goddess of congeniality.
Robin: Sheesh, get a room.