Guard: You two argue like an old married couple.
Male scientist: We are an old married couple!
Female scientist: Who are you calling old!?!
Richard Castle: Okay. So you and I are married.
Kate Beckett: We are not married.
Richard Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Kate Beckett: Well, I don't wanna pretend.
Richard Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Kate Beckett: Okay. If we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment owner: Are you two like this all the time?
Richard Castle and Kate Beckett: [In unison] Yes.
—Castle, "A Chill Runs Through Her Veins"
Kid Flash: So I'm your ninja boyfriend, huh?
Artemis: Hey, I had amnesia. Remember? I completely forgot how truly annoying you are.
Kid Flash: Oh, and you're the goddess of congeniality.
Robin (just came out of nowhere): Sheesh, get a room.
Tyson: Does anyone know where we're going?
Kai: Just zip it and follow me.
Max: Sounds like they're married.
Ray: Yeah, tell me about it.
Howard: Look, just for the record, we're not in an "ersatz homosexual relationship".
Raj: Well, then why didn't you say that to her?
Howard: Why is it always my responsibility?
Raj: Oh, it's not "always" your responsibility. I swear, this is the same thing you did at the comic book store last week.
Howard: ...I can't believe you're bringing that up.
Raj: I didn't bring it up, you did.
Howard: (through gritted teeth, glancing at Sheldon) We'll talk about this later.
Raj: Well, you always say that, but we never do.
Sheldon: ...You went to the comic book store without me?
Snaplaunce: He and the girl, are they a couple?
Snaplaunce: They argue like one.
Luke: So you are a couple with every one of your political opponents?
Snaplaunce: Oh, well struck, Master Skywalker.
Turk: When Sam gets older I teach him about sports and stuff, and you're in charge of Izzy's emotional crap. We agreed, that's how we'd raise our kids.
J.D.: "Our kids"? Turk, we're not married.
Turk: Dude, we're a little married.
J.D.: I know, I love it.
Snape: Listen to you, quarreling like an old married couple.
Sirius/Lupin shippers: YAY!
[FBI Headquarters. Agents Mulder and Scully are sitting on the couch, waiting for a meeting with Assistant Director Skinner. Mulder has killed a teenage murderer (who wore fake vampire fangs) with a wooden stake and his family is going to sue the Bureau. Scully leans over to Mulder and straightens his tie. He impatiently pushes her hands away. The phone rings and Kimberly the secretary answers it.]
Kimberly: Assistant Director Skinner's office. Oh, I'm sorry, he's about to go into a meeting. Yes, it may last several hours. [Scully hears it and her face shows a minor Oh Crap] You're welcome.
[Scully leans over to Mulder and they whisper the following, rather intensely.]
Scully: Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.
Mulder: Would you stop that?
Scully: Couldn't hurt.
Mulder: Just stop it!
[Skinner opens his door and sticks his head out.]
Skinner: Scully, Mulder ... [They both jump from the couch very quickly.]
Mulder: I was drugged!
Chucky: What are you doing? (Tiffany throws a plate at him) What would Martha Stewert Say?
Tiffany: FUCK Martha Stewert! Martha Stewert can kiss my shiny, plastic butt! Here I am, slaving away, over a hot stove, making cookies, making swedish meatballs and for what?! For a man who doesn't appreciate me! For a man who can't even wash one FUCKING dish! For a man who isn't even a man at all where it counts if you catch my drift! (turns to Jade) Take it from me, honey! Plastic is no substitute for a nice hunk of wood!
Chucky: (turns to Jesse) And you're complaining last night. (turns back to Tiffany) Any guy who'd need a hunk of plastic PROBABLY battery-operated to get a reaction out of you in bed! And by the way, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN TO BAKE?!!
Q: Don't play coy with me, Captain. I witnessed your little spat with Vash. Nor will I soon forget the look of anguish on your face, the pain, the misery. If I didn't know better, I would have thought you were already married!
— Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Qpid"