Quotes / Lifetime Movie of the Week

Mary Jo Pehl: I saw this same scene in a Lifetime movie about a woman trying to escape an abusive relationship.
Bill Corbet: Which movie was that?
Mary Jo Pehl: All of them, actually.

Roger: Oh, my God, look what's on Lifetime! Daphne Zuniga in Spooning with Anger.
Steve: So?
Roger: So?! That's our favorite spousal abuse movie of all time. We gave it even higher marks than Valerie Bertinelli's classic, Please, Kevin. Not in the Face.
TV: "I'm sorry dinner was late! I love you so much!"
Roger: Why do they stay, Steve? Why do they stay?
American Dad!, A.T. The Abusive Terrestrial

Announcer: This Tuesday on Lifetime: Valerie Bertinelli stars in a Lifetime Original Movie.
Valerie: Y'know, Doctor, you said you were going to cure my cancer, but all you did was rape me! I'm starting to think I don't have cancer at all.
Doctor: Well, you're right. About the rape part. But I'm sorry, you still do have cancer.
Valerie: [bursts into tears]
Announcer: Valerie Bertinelli in: Men Are Terrible And Will Hurt You Because This Is Lifetime.

Boyfriend: “He did it.”
(He points at someone who is, in fact, the bad guy. She's shocked.)
Girlfriend: “But he hasn’t even said anything yet; how did you know?”
Boyfriend: “This is a Lifetime movie, and he has a penis.”
This post from Not Always Romantic

"It looks like the casting people just waltzed into an Applebee’s and randomly picked people to play the parts as fast as they could so they could get on with their 3 martini lunch. “You’re white. You can play Billy!” I look more like Jane Mancini than the actress playing Jane Mancini does. But you know, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s a Lifetime movie. I want community theater wigs, acting that makes Megan Fox look like Tilda Swinton and actors who look absolutely nothing like the person they’re playing. I want that shit to be a wreck from top to bottom. And judging by that picture, it looks like the Melrose Place movie is well on its way."
Michael K., "The cast looked exactly like the original cast and by that I mean not at all."

Hey sexy stranger
Let’s go to my place
And please don’t harvest my kidney
Don’t give me that incredulous face
I saw a movie like that on Lifetime