Quotes / Laser-Guided Karma


"Instant karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead"
John Lennon, "Instant Karma"

Well, when justice strikes
Well, every once in a while
It makes a bullseye hit
Well, every once in a while
Devo, "Jimmy"

The advertising quack who wearies
With tales of countless cures,
His teeth, I've enacted,
Shall all be extracted
By terrified amateurs.

Well, you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's done in the dark will be brought to the light
Johnny Cash, "God's Gonna Cut You Down"

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Galatians 6:7, King James Version

I've received my comeuppance at last!
Dan Halen, Squidbillies

My bad, homie. I picked C. Ain't that a bitch?
Franklin Clinton, Grand Theft Auto V

Evil deeds have a way of making their way back to us. Prepare yourself.
T. Hawk, to M. Bison, Super Street Fighter IV

Have you ever heard of karmatic justice? Remember... what goes around comes around.

Tell the righteous it will be well with them, for they will enjoy the fruit of their deeds. Woe to the wicked! Disaster is upon them! They will be paid back for what their hands have done.
Isaiah 3:10 - 11, New International Version

The first and most important rule of gun-running is: never get shot with your own merchandise.
Yuri Orlov, Lord of War

A basic rule of covert ops is let someone else do your dirty work. Let someone else find the guy you want to kill. It's a great technique... as long as you're not the "someone else."
Michael, Burn Notice ("False Flag")

You feel your sins crawling on your back.
Undertale, against the Final Boss of the No Mercy route.note 

The funny thing about karma... It goes round and round... and in the end, it comes back to bite you.
Roland, Digital Devil Saga

The thing about karma on the Discworld is that it often happens real soon.
—The Discworld Companion, on the events of Guards! Guards!

Hey, everybody! Look at this! It's that boy who laughs at everyone! Let's laugh at him!
Ian, The Very Tall Man, referring to a pantsed Nelson Muntz, The Simpsons, 22 Short Films About Springfield

So tell me how you're sleeping easy
How you're only thinking of yourself
Show me how you justify
Telling all your lies like second nature
Listen, mark my words, one day (one day)
You will pay, you will pay
Karma's gonna come collect your debt!

Darren's Wikipedia page was back up, but locked after continual editing abuse. He also had a few hundred followers on Twitter, but none anyone would care to meet in the flesh if their communications were any display of personality. But now, after months of intensive work with one of the most complex delusional patients he had even encountered, Dr Bernard P Basset had achieved that moment of acceptance.
Only minutes after that crucial breakthrough session, however, the psychiatrist had been forced to call for immediate security assistance when Darren finally acknowledged – fully, totally and wholly – that when he had killed "the witch," he had effectively lifted "the curse." He was not in fact forgotten at all. But neither would he ever be remembered for anything other than his madness, his depravity, his failure.
Forgotten, by Muriel Gray

John Constantine: I see it all now. All the angles. All the little people you've fucked over - all the innocent lives you've destroyed in your scramble for money and power and nasty kicks without consequences. Well I'm the fucking consequences, sunshine. And I'm thinking Mako won't be too chuffed that you got him trapped in that Soul Cage for all eternity. Your private heaven just turned into a private hell, mate... and Mako's the devil. Give him my best when you get there, won't you?
John Constantine: You made your own bed, Burnham. Fuckin' lie in it.
Hellblazer: The Roots Of Coincidence

Real Life

He that scatters thorns, let him not go barefoot.
Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack (1736)

We're less a football team and more an amalgamation of all the evil teams in sports movies that the hero team finally beats and looks back on as a turning point. It's like our seasons were written by Matt Christopher.

This was a band desperate to hide the fact that they were lip synching, and in front of 80,000 people, the track skipped during the titular line of their album's titular song. 'Girl you know it's! Girl you know it's! Girl you know it's!' It was such a perfect moment that it could only have happened right after God said, "Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham — stop nunchuck fighting! Get over here and check out what I'm about to do!"

If Paula Deen’s assistants are wondering why the sound of squishy cheek pulling is coming from her office, they don’t need to worry. She’s just fapping to that transcript over and over again....But leave it to Hulk Hogan to talk about his daughter’s failed music career and her dating a black guy after (or before) fucking a woman. Heather probably sat there thinking two things to herself: “Boning AND Racism. This tape is going to make me so rich.”
Michael K., "So whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster runs racist on you? WWE: Um, fire you."

"Wait? What's that sound? I dunno, call me crazy, but I think that's the sound of the universe coming back into balance."
SlimKirby Explanation