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Quotes: Laser-Guided Karma

Fiction

"Instant karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead"
John Lennon, "Instant Karma"

Well, when justice strikes
Well, every once in a while
It makes a bullseye hit
Well, every once in a while
Devo, "Jimmy"

Well, you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's done in the dark will be brought to the light
Johnny Cash, "God's Gonna Cut You Down"

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."
Galatians 6:7, King James Version

"The first and most important rule of gun-running is: never get shot with your own merchandise."
Yuri Orlov, Lord of War

Regent:You fucked with my teammate.
— Regent explaining why he is about to fake Shadow Stalker's suicide, Worm Interlude 10

"The funny thing about karma... It goes round and round... and in the end, it comes back to bite you."
Roland, Digital Devil Saga

"The thing about karma on the Discworld is that it often happens real soon."
—The Discworld Companion, on the events of Guards! Guards!

Real Life

"This was a band desperate to hide the fact that they were lip synching, and in front of 80,000 people, the track skipped during the titular line of their album's titular song. 'Girl you know it's! Girl you know it's! Girl you know it's!' It was such a perfect moment that it could only have happened right after God said, "Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham — stop nunchuck fighting! Get over here and check out what I'm about to do!"

"We all know that Kanye West has a lukewarm puddle of soggy delusion for a brain (it was a wedding present from his mother-in-law as a way to help him fit-in with the rest of the family), so this story should surprise no one...Kimís Kurrent Husband told the audience to stand up and dance and threw a tempter-tantrum when he noticed that some people werenít obeying King Kanye. HOW DARE THEY! DONíT THEY KNOW HOW IMPORTANT KANYE WEST IS??

Concertgoers claim that Kanye got all kunty when realized there might still be one or two people in the audience who hadnít stood up...Sure enough, he locates one of the seated persons and demands to know why they arenít standing up and worshiping at the altar of Yeezus, at which point they held up a prosthetic leg as proof that they werenít able to stand, which Kanye deemed an acceptable excuse. Then he managed to locate the other person in the audience who was still seated and insists that they get their ass out of their seat and dance GODDAMNIT. But they continue to remained seated. BECAUSE THEYíRE IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR."
DListed, "Kanye West Stopped A Show To Demand That A Fan In A Wheelchair 'Stand Up And Dance'"

"There isnít a more amusing Seagal tale than the time he was choked out by Judo champion and stunt coordinator Gene Lebell. Seagal, who has a history of abusing stuntmen on the sets of his films, often by kicking them in the nuts when they donít expect it, finally got a taste of his own medicine when he arrogantly declared he could never be choked out by anyone, and lo and behold, was taken down by Lebell. The reason this story is so funny is because not only did Seagal pass out, but he proceeded to urinate and defecate all over himself in the process. At long last Seagal managed to experience the metaphorical equivalent of what moviegoers had been put through every time they saw one of his films. Of course, a lawsuit towards Lebell followed, so Gene had to stay quiet about it all."

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