Quotes: Laser-Guided Karma

Fiction

"Instant karma's gonna get you
Gonna knock you right on the head
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead"
John Lennon, "Instant Karma"

Well, when justice strikes
Well, every once in a while
It makes a bullseye hit
Well, every once in a while
Devo, "Jimmy"

Well, you may throw your rock and hide your hand
Workin' in the dark against your fellow man
But as sure as God made black and white
What's done in the dark will be brought to the light
Johnny Cash, "God's Gonna Cut You Down"

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Galatians 6:7, King James Version

The first and most important rule of gun-running is: never get shot with your own merchandise.
Yuri Orlov, Lord of War

A basic rule of covert ops is let someone else do your dirty work. Let someone else find the guy you want to kill. It's a great technique... as long as you're not the "someone else."
Michael, Burn Notice'''("False Flag")

The funny thing about karma... It goes round and round... and in the end, it comes back to bite you.
Roland, Digital Devil Saga

The thing about karma on the Discworld is that it often happens real soon.
—The Discworld Companion, on the events of Guards! Guards!

Real Life

He that scatters thorns, let him not go barefoot.
Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack (1736)

We're less a football team and more an amalgamation of all the evil teams in sports movies that the hero team finally beats and looks back on as a turning point. It's like our seasons were written by Matt Christopher.

To explain how it all began, let's back up a bit and look at what had been going on behind the scenes between Ric Flair and WCW Vice President Jim Herd. Herd felt that Flair, at forty-two years old, was over the hill...The two bickered back and forth for months, with Herd calling for Flair to drop the WCW title at seemingly every show, and Flair refusing to do so. In the end, Herd simply told Flair to hit the bricks without dropping the belt. The plan was that WCW would declare the title vacant.

All fine in theory, but unfortunately for WCW, Herd failed to realize that Ric Flair believed he owned the physical belt. Back in those days, the NWA Champion had to put down a $25,000 deposit to claim the title. Since Flair never lost the belt in the ring and never got his $25,000 back, he just figured the belt was his to do with as he pleased. He even went so far as to send the belt to Vince McMahon, who began showing it on his television shows. Manager Bobby Heenan claimed that the "Real World's Champion" was on his way to the WWF...Herd may have breathed a sigh of relief when Flair left WCW, but once that belt showed up on WWF TV, chaos erupted within the entire company. Herd caught hell from everyone-from Turner officials to the wrestlers themselves. He immediately went into a full-blown panic and tried to lure Flair back into the company with offers of more money than he was getting from McMahon. Flair, having seen how WCW operated, said "Thanks, no."
R. D. Reynolds and Bryan Alvarez, The Death of WCW

This was a band desperate to hide the fact that they were lip synching, and in front of 80,000 people, the track skipped during the titular line of their album's titular song. 'Girl you know it's! Girl you know it's! Girl you know it's!' It was such a perfect moment that it could only have happened right after God said, "Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham — stop nunchuck fighting! Get over here and check out what I'm about to do!

We all know that Kanye West has a lukewarm puddle of soggy delusion for a brain (it was a wedding present from his mother-in-law as a way to help him fit-in with the rest of the family), so this story should surprise no one...Kimís Kurrent Husband told the audience to stand up and dance and threw a tempter-tantrum when he noticed that some people werenít obeying King Kanye. HOW DARE THEY! DONíT THEY KNOW HOW IMPORTANT KANYE WEST IS??

Concertgoers claim that Kanye got all kunty when realized there might still be one or two people in the audience who hadnít stood up...Sure enough, he locates one of the seated persons and demands to know why they arenít standing up and worshiping at the altar of Yeezus, at which point they held up a prosthetic leg as proof that they werenít able to stand, which Kanye deemed an acceptable excuse. Then he managed to locate the other person in the audience who was still seated and insists that they get their ass out of their seat and dance GODDAMNIT. But they continue to remained seated. BECAUSE THEY'RE IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR.
DListed, "Kanye West Stopped A Show To Demand That A Fan In A Wheelchair 'Stand Up And Dance'"

There isnít a more amusing Seagal tale than the time he was choked out by Judo champion and stunt coordinator Gene Lebell. Seagal, who has a history of abusing stuntmen on the sets of his films, often by kicking them in the nuts when they donít expect it, finally got a taste of his own medicine when he arrogantly declared he could never be choked out by anyone, and lo and behold, was taken down by Lebell. The reason this story is so funny is because not only did Seagal pass out, but he proceeded to urinate and defecate all over himself in the process. At long last Seagal managed to experience the metaphorical equivalent of what moviegoers had been put through every time they saw one of his films. Of course, a lawsuit towards Lebell followed, so Gene had to stay quiet about it all.

Well, well, well, now we come to the crux of it. What really upsets Bobo and is giving him the night terrors. The knowledge that the Depression economy is not just hitting hard on the recent graduate liberal scum what with their new genders and hippity hop, but also good decent hard-working trust fund babies who think waving an Ayn Rand book around and liking Ron Paul makes one an intellectual... And there we get to the real bee in his bonnet. The sad notion that his massive speakerís fee on behalf of fellow travelers in University management wanting to piss on their students is threatened by those same soaking wet and stinking masses taking some small umbrage to their ever-increasing fees going to people who openly despise them and the very process of honest academia.

Cause the right to fleece is a sacred Constitutional right, donchaknow!
Cerberus, "But Nobody Bleeds For the Hack Writer"