Quotes / Kudzu Plot


"Mystery solved!"
Tom Siddell, Gunnerkrigg Court

"That just raises further questions!"
Hermes Conrad, Futurama

Mickey: You see? It all makes sense!
Sora: It...does?
— Actual dialogue in Kingdom Hearts II

"Remember, answers are only questions with funny hats."
The Cheshire Cat, Bookworm Adventures Volume 2


"Jeff Grubb and later Steven Schend and Eric Boyd always religiously followed Ed's guideline: 'For every one of my loose ends you tie up or explain, create three new ones and weave them into the Realms, to keep it alive and interesting.' Pity that guideline somehow gotten forgotten or repudiated, since."

"I don't always understand the plots of these films until I see them with an audience."
Sir Ian Mckellen on the XMen film series

"I was sitting here thinking of how improbable it was that there would be a liquid that you could inject into someone that could permanently rearrange their genetic structure in a matter of seconds. Then, just as I was thinking "dude, you’re being ridiculous, there is a person in this movie who can control the weather with her mind and you’re willing to accept that," we get to the part where Angel’s dad buys Alcatraz and turns it into a science lab. Congratulations, X-Men 3: You have found the definitive line between what I’ll accept and what is bat-sh** crazy nonsense."
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on X-Men: The Last Stand

"Sometimes it really would be easier to just write about the damn characters."

Jay: Poor Donald Pleasence. What a horrible way to end your career.
Rich: What is the original ending?
Jay: Oh, God. It's a whole thing with this cult, and there's, like, magic stones...
Rich: (guffaws) Isn't it kinda funny, what happened to the Halloween series? It started out just about a serial killer. Michael Myers' a crazy man. And then you get genetic engineering, and apparently it almost ended with cults and magic stones.

People call them lazy hacks, but I don’t think that’s true. A lazy writer would do a simple, linear, A-to-B plot. It takes real work to turn straightforward comic book/action stories into films this incomprehensible.

"Tom Wilkinson is an old school gangster who makes his money through real estate and Mark Strong is his right hand man. Plot thread two is about the new school of gangster which they don’t really explain why its “new school” or why its better or whatever. They are going to be lending money to Wilkinson to make a land purchase. Plot #3 involves an accountant for the new school boss (played by Thandie Newton) who is bored with life and is having a fling with small time crook Gerard Butler. Plot #4 is about Butler stealing money from Newton’s boss. Plot #5 is a strange sub plot where Butler has a gay romance with another person from his gang who is going to prison in a short while. Plot #6 involves Wilkinson’s son [who] steals a painting which is central to the business deal between Wilkinson and the other mob. Plot #7 is about Mark Strong and his dealings with the people around him. Plot #8 completely wastes Jeremy Piven... And Plot #9 tries to explain what happened to Scarecrow’s brain. I should not need a flow chart in following this plot."

With all those characters and plotlines going on it's apparently really easy to lose track of what you're doing. That's why even good shows have plotlines that they've just discarded like so many Egg McMuffin wrappers on the street.

"It feels like a stab in the gut to the audience, as though Carter is suggesting that they haven't been paying attention and need to have the whole arc explained to them in great detail. Instead it is Carter who has been at fault, failing to express his unwieldy arc plot in an articulate fashion, throwing up several dramatic dead ends...Reminding the audience that they have been sold a turkey and what should have been a relatively simple alien invasion plot being over complicated to the nth degree is not my idea of celebrating this show effectively."
Joe Ford on The X-Files, "The Truth"

"Play the games yourself if you want to know what's going on, although I can't guarantee that that will be enough. To truly get into the mindset of Hideo Kojima you'll have to do something pretty drastic. Probably involving experimental brain surgery and the complete X-Files box set."

Ever since the game was released, people who enjoy Sons of Liberty have defended its story by saying that it all makes sense if you really analyze it. It takes a lot of work to sort out the details, but it turns out that when you really analyze the story, they’re wrong. The story doesn’t make any sense. It’s certainly not terrible by videogame standards, but it does get more embarrassing the closer you inspect it.

"So you got this high-tech isolationist civilization, yeah? And the moon, see — the moon is where all the monsters in the world come from. They just get together in a big bunch and just like, fall down from the moon. Get what I'm saying? Anyway, but these guys from this futuristic city build this giant floating monolith — you know, real Space Odyssey — that they can use trigger this effect. So its evil ruler — who's one of our two witches — is gonna use this thing to...to...guys, sorry, guys. Hold on. I am blasted.' Then Nojima begins ceaselessly guffawing for five solid hours."

"We also learn more about the Niwa family: Grandpa's past, Mom's past, Daddy comes home, watch the main character choose his love between the two twins Risa and Riku, meet this random blonde chick, revive a sealed soul named Towa and... FOCUS!"

"It would be one thing if the narrative space created by the clear-out were interesting. But instead this [the Red Wedding] marks the point where A Song of Ice and Fire fully commits to its plan of focusing on an ever expanding spaghetti of subplots instead of actually paying off its most interesting promises and concepts."

Said by the creators themselves

This comic is convoluted and has a ridiculously huge archive. The story section alone has over 2,000 comics full of weird magic-babble.
Dan Shive, El Goonish Shive (in the commentary on this strip)