Quotes: Kudzu Plot


That only raises further questions!
Hermes Conrad, Futurama

Mickey: You see? It all makes sense!
Sora: It...does?
— Dialogue in Kingdom Hearts II

Remember, answers are only questions with funny hats.
The Cheshire Cat, Bookworm Adventures Volume 2


Jeff Grubb and later Steven Schend and Eric Boyd always religiously followed Ed's guideline: "For every one of my loose ends you tie up or explain, create three new ones and weave them into the Realms, to keep it alive and interesting." Pity that guideline somehow gotten forgotten or repudiated, since.

I don't always understand the plots of these films until I see them with an audience.
Sir Ian Mckellen on the XMen film series

I was sitting here thinking of how improbable it was that there would be a liquid that you could inject into someone that could permanently rearrange their genetic structure in a matter of seconds. Then, just as I was thinking "dude, you’re being ridiculous, there is a person in this movie who can control the weather with her mind and you’re willing to accept that," we get to the part where Angel’s dad buys Alcatraz and turns it into a science lab. Congratulations, X-Men 3: You have found the definitive line between what I’ll accept and what is bat-sh** crazy nonsense.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on X-Men 3: The Last Stand

Sometimes it really would be easier to just write about the damn characters.

Mike: Good ol' Donald Pleasence.
Jay: Who went to be the best part of a continuing series that just got worse and worse. He was always the best part — because he just got crazier and crazier as time went on. He was overacting so much in Halloween 6...Poor Donald Pleasence. What a horrible way to end your career.
Rich: What is the original ending?
Jay: Oh, God. It's a whole thing with this cult, and there's, like, magic stones...
Rich: (guffaws) Isn't it kinda funny, what happened to the Halloween series? It started out just about a serial killer. Michael Myers' a crazy man. And then you get genetic engineering, and apparently it almost ended with cults and magic stones.

Perhaps their inability to create real conflict and drama is why Kurtzman and Orci instead overcomplicate their screenplays, usually by bringing in shadowy conspiracy elements. The Khan/Section 31 boondoggle of Star Trek Into Darkness is well known by now (and really, what was up with that insane nonsense about hiding people inside torpedoes, anyway?). Amazing Spider-Man 2 also has a subplot (admittedly, borrowed from the comics) about a big Oscorp conspiracy where Peter has to learn the shocking truth about his father. And even in something like Transformers, you have a secret branch of the government called 'Sector 7' that’s somehow able to cover up the existence of 30 foot tall robots...People call them lazy hacks, but I don’t think that’s true. A lazy writer would do a simple, linear, A-to-B plot. It takes real work to turn straightforward comic book/action stories into films this incomprehensible.

Tom Wilkinson is an old school gangster who makes his money through real estate and Mark Strong is his right hand man. Plot thread two is about the new school of gangster which they don’t really explain why its “new school” or why its better or whatever. They are going to be lending money to Wilkinson to make a land purchase. Plot #3 involves an accountant for the new school boss (played by Thandie Newton) who is bored with life and is having a fling with small time crook Gerard Butler. Plot #4 is about Butler stealing money from Newton’s boss. Plot #5 is a strange sub plot where Butler has a gay romance with another person from his gang who is going to prison in a short while. Plot #6 involves Wilkinson’s son [who] steals a painting which is central to the business deal between Wilkinson and the other mob. Plot #7 is about Mark Strong and his dealings with the people around him. Plot #8 completely wastes Jeremy Piven... And Plot #9 tries to explain what happened to Scarecrow’s brain. I should not need a flow chart in following this plot. Its like this movie is so concerned with telling a labyrinth story that we forget about the jokes.

George Pravda is such an odd choice to play the Castellan; whilst he is both officious and likable, his delivery is unusual and he occasionally looks like he hasn't got a clue what he is talking about. Considering the generally baffling affair for the Castellan to unravel, that is not an unrealistic reaction.

With all those characters and plotlines going on it's apparently really easy to lose track of what you're doing. That's why even good shows have plotlines that they've just discarded like so many Egg McMuffin wrappers on the street.

I'm going to recount as much of the story as I can before my brain starts to hurt. Solid Snake is a cloned mercenary who is suffering from premature aging due to a planned obsolescence scheme worthy of Microsoft... Solid Snake is tasked with assassination of his evil clone brother who is dead but lives on through his possessed arm which was crafted onto the body ofoh Christ, I can't go on, this shit is bananas! Play the games yourself if you want to know what's going on, although I can't guarantee that that will be enough. To truly get into the mindset of Hideo Kojima you'll have to do something pretty drastic. Probably involving experimental brain surgery and the complete X-Files box set.

Ever since the game was released, people who enjoy Sons of Liberty have defended its story by saying that it all makes sense if you really analyze it. It takes a lot of work to sort out the details, but it turns out that when you really analyze the story, they’re wrong. The story doesn’t make any sense. It’s certainly not terrible by videogame standards, but it does get more embarrassing the closer you inspect it.

'So you got this high-tech isolationist civilization, yeah? And the moon, see — the moon is where all the monsters in the world come from. They just get together in a big bunch and just like, fall down from the moon. Get what I'm saying? Anyway, but these guys from this futuristic city build this giant floating monolith — you know, real Space Odyssey — that they can use trigger this effect. So its evil ruler — who's one of our two witches — is gonna use this thing to...to...guys, sorry, guys. Hold on. I am blasted.' Then Nojima begins ceaselessly guffawing for five solid hours.

"We also learn more about the Niwa family: Grandpa's past, Mom's past, Daddy comes home, watch the main character choose his love between the two twins Risa and Riku, meet this random blonde chick, revive a sealed soul named Towa and... FOCUS!"