Quotes / "Join the Army", They Said

Oh sergeant, was this the adventure you meant,
When I put my name down on the line?
All your talk of computers, of sunshine and skis,
I'm asking you, sergeant, where's mine?

"Never met a German
Never even seen one
Read it on the newsstand that day
That the tanks are rolling
Next thing I remember is that I'm walking in the army
Following instructions, it isn't very charming"
Brazilian Girls', "Never Met A German"

He said, "Son,
Have you seen the world?
Well, what would you say
If I said that you could?
Just carry this gun, you'll even get paid."
I said, "That sounds pretty good."
Hero of War, Rise Against

"'Join the army,' they said!
'See the world,' they said!
I'd rather be sailing."
Human Footman, Warcraft II

"'Join the army,' they said.
'It'll be fun,' they said...."
American Engineer, Company of Heroes

"The climate was ferocious, the terrain lethal, a third of the population including my own superior was dead drunk most of the time. The average IQ equaled the mean temperature in degrees cee, there wasn't a woman for five hundred kilometers in every direction, and the base commander was a homicidal psychotic. Other then that, it was lovely."
Lois McMaster Bujold, The Vor Game (Miles Vorkosigan on his reassignment to Antarctica. His father Aral then remarks that the base in question apparently hasn't changed much since he was assigned there.)

"I joined the army to see the galaxy, but all I got was eight-hour watches of listening to weird politicians making appointments to—"
Zavirk, Legacy of the Force: Sacrifice

Join the army! See the world! Meet interesting people! And shoot them.

We're in the Army now, We're not behind a plow
We'll never get rich digging a ditch
We're in the Army now.
Abe Lyemon and the Californians — We're in the Army Now

"Join the Marines, see the galaxy." Hell.
Alliance Marine survivor on Nepmos, Mass Effect

"Son, be a colonist", is what Dad said to me
"It's a cushy life, and you'll get alien real esate for free."
So I talked to the recruiter, to see if this was so
He smiled at me... the nicest smile... and said "Kid, don't you know?
A colonist's job is easy, a colonist's wage is high
A colonist's pension plan would make a civil servant cry
There's never any danger, there's always lots of fun
And as for job security, it's better than a nun's."

[spoken:] Kid, I'd like you to meet somebody. His OFFICIAL title is "Commander", but I'd like you to think of him as more of a "Social Coordinator".

If I ever get back home again
If I ever get back home again
If I ever get back home again
That recruiter's gonna die.
The Deadlock Song, by Paul Kwinn.

A vacation in a foreign land
Uncle Sam does the best he can
You're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

Now you remember what the draftman said
Nothing to do all day but stay in bed
You're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

You'll be the hero of the neighbourhood
Nobody knows that you're left for good
you're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

Smiling faces as you wait to land
But once you get there no one gives a damn
You're in the army now oh oh you're in the army now

"God, I knew I should have applied for that job at Beacon. But nooooo, be a criminal everyone said, it's a thrill they said. Idiots..." the woman muttered, melting back into the shadows that somehow covered only her face.
Back at Beacon...
"God, I knew I should have applied for that job at Schnee Dust Corporation. But nooooo, go to Beacon they said, be a Huntress they said, you're giving back to the community. Idiots..." Glynda muttered as she continued to dig through the mainframe.

I don’t think there’s a whole lot to say about this strip, I think the joke is fairly self-explanatory. In fact, I’d say making fun of the cheesy recruiting commercials is one of the favorite pass times of Marines. All of us remember the commercials with the fire demon or the dragon being slain by the NCO sword. Since I’ve been in, the commercials have started gearing toward the Silent Drill Platoon–while I will say is always awesome to watch–has virtually nothing to do with the real Marine Corps. As much as I could focus this on making fun of the Silent Drill Platoon, I will refrain because honestly it’s fucking cool to watch them–as utterly POG as they can be. My old Company Gunny actually was a silent drill guy, Gunny Duprey, and he’s probably one of the best Marines I’ve ever met. (In fact he even has his own Facebook fan page, not started by him.)

With that said, I think the commercials have their purpose in the world: to recruit new Marines. All the jerk off tactics are in full effect here; the image portrayed on TV is the one that everyone at home knows of us, after all. I think making fun of the commercials is an easy target though, as all Marines are generally in universal agreement that they’re straight bullshit.
Lance Corporal (ret.) Maximilian Uriarte, The Rant, Terminal Lance #28: "False Advertising"

I met a soldier in a recruit booth
Said he'd make a man out of me and stole my youth
Todd Snider, "Mission Accomplished (Because You Gotta Have Faith)"

"Join the team, see the galaxy." Hmph. You failed to mention "Drop into a meatgrinder" in your sales pitch, boss man.
Abraham Presley, Evolve