Quotes / Jizzed in My Pants

Stop, or I'l-ah oh fuck! Every damn time, every damn time. This sucks... I gotta go put on some new tights, man, this sucks.
Stephen Lynch as Premature Ejaculator Man

...Leave this place, go back to yours,
Our lips first touch outside your doors,
The whole night, what we've go in store,
Whisper in my ear that you want some more,
This really never happens, you can take my word,
I won't apologize, that's just absurd,
Mainly your fault for the way that you dance...
The Lonely Island, Jizz In My Pants

I spilled my drink!
I didn't notice you drinking cream there, Sid.
Sid the Sexist and friend at a strip club

Dude, I think I just filled the cup.

The night is alive. Eight blocks away, I hear a couple not washing their hands. Close by, I smell the trace fecal matter on this tight rope. I... I feel every shift of every microfiber in my superpants. Oh... O-OHH!

Superhero: Behold, it is I....mindfuck!
Civilian: What's your power?
Mindfuck: I can psychically have sex with any woman simply by making eye contact with her.
Civilian: Holy cow! You can make girls orgasm with a single glance?
Mindfuck: Not them...just me! Otherwise my powers would be revealed!
Civilian: So your superpower is ejaculating every time you see a womam?
Mindfuck: I think you're oversimplifying it.

But whilst her busy hand would guide that part
Which should convey my soul up to her heart,
In liquid raptures I dissolve all o'er,
Melt into sperm, and spend at every pore.
A touch from any part of her had done't:
Her hand, her foot, her very look's a cunt.
—John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, "The Imperfect Enjoyment"