Quotes / Jerk with a Heart of Jerk


He must be so lonely, he must be so sad
He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad
He's really a victim of fear and of pride
Look close and there must be a sweet man inside?

"Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...
Denis Leary, Asshole

Annie: He's a jerk because we exclude him.
Jeff: We exclude him because he's a jerk!
Community, discussing Pierce.

Steve: I should have known better, but then you said that you were doing it because you cared!
Roger: I do care, kiddo. I care about me.

Penny: At first I thought [Captain Hammer] was really cheesy-
Billy: Trust your instincts.
Penny: But you know how sometimes people have one layer on the outside, and then another, completely different layer beneath?
Billy: And sometimes there's a third, even deeper, level, and that one is the same as the...top...surface...one.
Penny: Huh?
Billy: Like with pie.

Leela: You know, Zapp, once I thought you were a big, pompous buffoon. Then I realized that inside you were just a pitiful child. But now I realize that outside that child is a big, pompous buffoon!

Jaime Lannister: I didn't realize you placed such a high value on my brother's life.
Tywin Lannister: He's a Lannister! He might be the lowest of the Lannisters, but he's one of us! And every day that he remains a prisoner, the less our name commands respect.

"He may be grouchy on the outside, but inside beats a heart of stone."
Big Bird, The Hollywood Squares, on Oscar the Grouch.

"Don't be fooled. Underneath all those swastikas, he's a real prick."
John Lyshitski, Let's Go to Prison

Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, Dr. Kelso's all bluster. Underneath it all, I'll bet he's a sweetheart.
Dr. Perry Cox: No, no. Underneath it all, he is pure evil.
Clock: Perry, no one's pure evil. I mean, yes, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside everybody has a creamy center.
Cox: There are plenty of people here on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and hard on the inside.
Clock: So they'd have more of a nougat-y center?
Cox: Lady... people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are, mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
Scrubs, episode "My Common Enemy"

"When you were assigned to be my roommate, I thought you were a jerk. Then I tricked myself into believing you weren't. I won't make that mistake again."

Edge is the kind of man you don't like at first... but gradually, you get to hate him!

Aladeen: I now know that on the outside, I am a bit of a cocksucker...
Nadal: Yeah!
Aladeen: But deep down...I'm nice.
Nadal: Not really.
Aladeen: Yes I am! I'm like mafrum: hard and spiky on the outside, but soft and really mushy on the in.
Nadal: You're not like mafrum at all! You're like an onion! An outer layer of cocksucker, and when you peel it away, there is ten more layers of cocksucker underneath!

"Underneath this harsh surface, I'm deeply sensitive." [..] "I LIED. Underneath this harsh surface, there's just MORE harsh surface."
The Sheriff, Robin Hood

Darkstripe: You're mine, kittypet. It's time for you to die.
Firestar: So now you're fighting on the side of Tigerstar's murderer? Have you no loyalty?
Darkstripe: Not anymore. Every cat in the forest can turn to crowfood for all I care. All I want is to see you dead.

"I am not a nice man. It's important that you understand that. It's going to save you a great deal of time and effort. There is not a warmer, kinder me waiting to be coaxed out into the light. I am acerbic. I can be cruel. It's who I am. Right to the bottom. I'm neither proud of this nor ashamed of it. It simply is. And in my work, my nature has been an advantage far more than it has been a hindrance. I'm not going to change."
— Sherlock Holmes, Elementary

"Beneath that cold exterior beats a heart of pure stone."
Dayna re Avon, Blake's 7

Mokuba: That's not my brother! Everyone says he's a bad person, but it's not true!
Yami: He stole my grandfather's favorite card, put him in the hospital and then left you at the mercy of his enemies! Face it kid, your brother's a giant prick!
Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, "Cliffhanger"

"AH! Hes gone! Something could have happened to him! Or worse, something could happen to me because something happened to him!"

Real Life

Beneath that seemingly crusty exterior — lies an emotional black hole, from which no glimmer of empathy can escape and into which the shattered remnants of the human experience are sucked to implode on themselves into a microscopic singularity of universal indifference.
Samantha Bee, The Daily Show, on Dick Cheney

It's worth noting that not every person who treats you like dirt is trying to hide a deep-rooted romantic attraction that they just can't admit to. Some people just genuinely hate you.
Johnathan Grey Carter, Science Explains The Tsundere Appeal

I have been eagerly anticipating the return of Adric to Doctor Who ever since it was announced that he would be starring in this box set. It surprised me to see Matthew Waterhouse returning to a role that had brought him so much notoriety and I was curious to see whether the character could be given a fresh lick of paint in the same way that so many of the eighties companions have on audio...could they work that same magic on the most loathed of all companions?

Not really, but I question whether this a character that deserves any kind of renaissance... Adric was behaving like spoilt little brat from the moment he first skipped into the TARDIS until the moment he was blown up by the freighter.
Joe Ford on Big Finish Doctor Who, "Psychodrome"

When you're a just-legal megastar raising hell and being a brat, people will still give you a chance. They'll blame the money and the fame and probably your parents. But once you lose the baby fat, there are no viable excuses. You are officially just a little shit for pissing in buckets and cursing out Bill Clinton and writing the exact wrong thing in the guest book at the Anne Frank house and spitting on people and having your monkey confiscated. Also, he dresses like a blind magician.
Drew Magary, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2013"

Four years ago, Andrew 'Weev' Aurenheimer poked an easy hole in Apple's iPad security, exposed the information of 114,000 users, and embarrassed both that company and AT&T. He spent a year in prison before his sentence was tossed out, becoming a hacker hero in the process....Weev recalls what he learned from his time in prison—apparently a deep hatred of Jews, black people, and other significant portions of society—and reveals a giant swastika tattoo on his chest.

The man is known for deliberately offending as many people as possible with racism, antisemitism, and other forms of inflammatory hate speech. But for years now, it's been chalked up to his self-professed 'troll' status. But the line between Hey, just trolling! and This man is an open fascist is clearly artificial one. But if your life is one big troll, it's not a troll at all; you are just a hateful, bad person.

And that really shows you the indomitable spirit of Donald Trump. To fall to his lowest point, and in that very moment, still find a way to be kind of a dick to a homeless guy.