The moment is so fleeting
But our talent is so vast
The so-called stars are hopelessly outclassed
— Commentary! The Musical, "All About Me"
You think the world revolves around you but it doesn't so, you sit and spin
Baby, someone is crazy and it's you.
— Jonathan Coulton, "Someone Is Crazy"
They said it's you / Who puts the gravity in the ground
They said it's you / Who all the stars revolve around
Scientists were wrong / And you suspected all along it might be true
The world belongs to you
— Jonathan Coulton, "The World Belongs to You"
Heil myself. Heil to me...
I'm the kraut who's out to change our history.
Heil myself, Raise your hand.
There's no greater dictator in the land!
Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Black Mage: If you think about it, I'm the victim here.
Black Mage: I didn't get what I wanted.
"So what if I'm prolonging a war that's causing thousands of innocent victims all around the world and if I'm manipulating other people? As long as it will change the world to suit me, I don't care about the rest."
— Wang Liu Mei, Mobile Suit Gundam 00
"Cormac hasn't asked me one single question about myself, no, I've just been treated to A Hundred Great Saves Made by Cormac McLaggen."
— Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Anthony Marston: I've just been thinking — John and Lucy Combes. Must have been a couple of kids I ran over near Cambridge. Beastly bad luck.
Judge Wargrave: For them, or for you?
Anthony Marston: Well, I was thinking — for me — but of course, you're right, sir, it was damned bad luck on them. Of course it was pure accident... I had my license endorsed for a year. Beastly nuisance...
"A dog will do anything it can to please you. A cat will do everything it can to please itself."
"In the end, all that matters to me... is me. And all that matters to you... is you. It is the nature of things."
— Andrew Ryan, BioShock
"Hey, kids! Did you know what your mommies and daddies gave up so your family could live in Opportunity? Literally nothing! Your family is paid to be here — I'm the one who feeds and protects everyone. Remember: we should all love our parents, but love me more."
— Handsome Jack, Borderlands 2
"The definition of the true savage does not concern itself even with how much more he hurts strangers or captives than do the other tribes of men. The definition of the true savage is that he laughs when he hurts you; and howls when you hurt him."
Dan: (while stealing a mummy's artifacts) Hold these.
Dan: Because if I get caught with them, I'll go to jail.
— Dan Vs.
"Is there any way this 'collapse of civilization' thing could affect me personally?"
"Don't you care about how I'm feeling?"
Fry: Bender! This has nothing to do with you!
Bender: That's impossible!
"Can't you stop talking about yourself for one second, Alex?"
— Jenna, Golden Sun: The Lost Age
"I do like a man who tells you right out he's looking out for himself. Don't we all? I don't trust a man who says he's not."
— Kasper Gutman, The Maltese Falcon
Piper: Leo this is not cool, I have people coming over in 10 minutes.
Leo: Chris isn't who he says he is, Piper. I know he's the one who banished me to Freyja, and this proves it.
Piper: You know what Leo? Nothing will ever change with you. You will always find a way to make your job more important than your family.
Obscurus Lupa: I just— I seriously want to murder every single character in this show. They are just the most thick, selfish people on the planet. I don't get why this is a hard concept for Piper to understand. Saving lives is more important than your stupid normal life shit. Baby showers are not more important, parties are not more important, dates are not more important, your feelings are not more important.
"All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?"
Noah: You can't defeat me, because I posses the person you care more about than anyone else in the world!
Kaiba: Unless you've somehow kidnapped me without my knowledge, I think that's impossible.
Walter White: Skyler, all the things that I did, you need to understand...
Skyler: If I have to hear, one more time, that you did this for the family—
Walter: I did it for me. I liked it, I was good at it, and I was really...I was alive.
"I think that's half your problem, T — you always think everything that happens is about YOU!"
— Julio Scoundrél (to Tarquin), The Order of the Stick
Hi, I'm Julia Roberts. You know, a lot of people died in the tsunami. But don't worry, I didn't, and I'll be here to entertain you and love my life for many, many years to come.
Meee. Meee. MEEEEE AH HAHAHAHAHA!
—Julia Roberts, Family Guy
All roads lead to...
The best things in life are...
All's well that ends with...
— Gaston, "Me," stage version of Beauty and the Beast
"Clark goes to Chloe for help finding his dad's watch, and she indicates she's found a new vigilante running around Metropolis kicking butt. She's even got a great article out of it.
Clark: I let my mom go down to Suicide Slums alone, she gets mugged, and you're cashing in on it!
Key words: I let my mom go down to Suicide Slums alone, she gets mugged.
"Here's me saying the exact same thing. 'I let my kid juggle knives, a knife went through his forehead, and you're fascinated by it? How dare you!'"
"Of course, it wouldn’t be a faux reality show if people didn’t get voted off. And who better to nix the first girl than our old pal, Triple H? You know, now that I look back on this whole stupid contest, the only thing that really surprised me is that Hunter’s ego didn’t require him to enter the contest and rig it so he’d win the $250K himself."
"Lindsay was supposed to shoot the cover and a big feature for Elle Indonesia. The call time for the shoot was a pretty reasonable 12:30 pm, but when she hadn't yet arrived by 4 pm, the photographer Eric Silverberg, whose style is to shoot in natural light, decided that the day was a bust and it needed to be rescheduled. This created something of a scheduling nightmare for Elle editor Anindita Saryuf, who'd flown 27 hours from Indonesia for the shoot and interview... Instead of being embarrassed about the problems she caused for the crew and the magazine, she brags about how she has "co-styled" so many of her shoots and then complains that she never gets credit for it. At the end of the night the Anindita asks if she can finally get Lindsay to sit down for 20 or 30 minutes for the interview. Lindsay refuses. She already had plans to go to a party. She can't be late."
—Jezebel, "The Lindsey Lohan Trifecta"
"Ladies and gentlemen, Project Hollywood has succeeded. Decades ago, we constructed an artificial environment disconnected from humanity. Its only function was to create even more artificial scenarios even further disconnected from humanity. After billions of dollars, this philosofractal metamaze has realized its ultimate goal: an utterly oblivious human. A man with less self-reflection than Dracula. A man so geocentrically self-centered, he thinks the sun is a stage light constantly searching for his best side. A man so lacking in self-awareness, he's invisible to Zen Buddhists. A man who pushed the limits of assholing harder than Goatse. May I present: Homo Shia."