Quotes: Insurmountable Waist-Height Fence
Hey, uh, there's this little wall in my way that I could easily jump over, but it's not giving me, like, the 'jump overing
' command. What should I do?
Thanks to the searchability of GMail, which I use to backup my site mail, I can easily find that it was on January 6th of this year that a reader named Thomas Savage sent me a note that said, in part: "... I have noticed some consistancies with all the half life games: you always have to go through incredible odds of alien monsters and potent deathtraps and evil soldiers and treacherous jumps and taxing challenges just to get to the other side of a locked wooden door."
A huge chair is blocking your way.
And now I'm trapped inside potted plants! Potted! Plants!
I am the goddamned
Avatar, and I will not be defeated by mere hedge and shrubbery! (spin around impotently)
I'm screwed. I can match wits with GODS, I can slay DRAGONS, but a potted tree? Fucking indestructible
, KISS MY ASS!!
Now the second rule is if you've got a gigantic flamethrower and your first stage is made outta ice
it's gonna melt that shit to the ground. Turn it to a big puddle, it's gonna turn it to a big puddle, real quick! Now I don't see that happenin', so that's a little bit bafflin' and mind confusin'
. You got a 50-foot flamethrower and you can't melt through a series of ice blocks, well, sucker punch?
...oh, bums. See, this
is what it's like being a black man. It's metaphors! Gabriel:
Wouldn't be happening if I was white.
A fence? Bleak, you ruthless bastard.
(firing at a chain-link fence) It's no use! THE BULLETS ARE JUST GOING THROUGH THE HOOOOOLES!
: "A wall composed entirely of plot." Kung-Fu Jesus
: "The most powerful substance known to video game characters."
Can't get over... Chairs in way... Cool guy with gun, blocked by small folding chairs...
Surrounding the compound is a non-electrified three-foot metal fence. This is more than enough to keep anything in the game from getting in or out; robots can't climb. And if I'm wrong, I plan on repeating these as my last words while I hug my own legs at the top of a building being climbed by robots.