Quotes / Innocent Innuendo

Black Mage: Where the Hell are we?
Red Mage: My A-hole.
Black Mage: Goddamnit, Red Mage.

Atsushi: Would you like to get it on?
Hina: What? Yours is too big it will never fit!
Recorder and Randsell Hina and Atsushi are both eleven years old, but Atsushi looks like he is 17. They are talking about Atsushi's coat.

The Doctor: You don't have any vegetable matter in your trousers, do you, Brian?
Brian: Only my balls.
(Rory facepalms)
The Doctor: I'm sorry?
Brian: Golf balls. (holds up golfball) Grassy residue.

Hugo: Is this your parent's place?
Louise: Yes, they're down in the basement, grinding the meat.
Hugo: Uh-huh.
Louise: That's not a euphemism, they're really grinding it (pelvic thrust), the meat.
Bob's Burgers, "Human Flesh"

June: W-Wait!
Junpei: What..?
June: I-I-I-I'm not really...uh... I just... Oh Gosh...
Junpei was at something of a loss. What cpuld she possibly be so frightened of? After a little thought, Junpei decided that she had to be nervous about being locked up in such a small space alone with a boy. In a way, it was kinda cute. Very...demure, you could say, he thought. Still, even though it wasn't exactly roomy in the elevator, they weren't going to be pressed up against one another. At least, they didn't have to be— Still, it was making her nervous. Junpei couldn't help but think how innocent she was...
Junpei: C'mon, let's go.
Again, he stepped toward the elevator—And again, he felt himself restrained.
June: I said wait a minute!
Junpei: Why?!
June: Aren't you afraid, Jumpy?
Junpei: Afraid of what?!
June: Well, I've never...you know...
She'd never been in an elevator with a man alone before? Even so, she still seemed awfully alarmed...
June: I might...get wet.
Junpei: Wh-What?!
June: Down there... I'd get soaking wet...
Junpei: W-Well, I mean, of course you would, that's the way it works. I mean, I've never heard of anyone getting soaking wet...somewhere...else...
June: That's...that's true...
Junpei: ...
June: You...don't mind?
Junpei: Mind what?
June: Getting...wet...
Junpei: W-Well, I dunno, I think I'd probably... You know...like it.
June: Gosh, Jumpy! You're so brave!
Junpei: ...Really? I mean, I kinda think any guy would do the same thing, you know? What happens, happens, right? If you get the chance, you've just gotta go for it. That's what a man's supposed to do, I guess.
June: Y-You're so cool, Jumpy! I really admire you!
Junpei: Uh, that...doesn't really seem like the sort of thing you oughta admire someone for...
June: I'm...I'm really scared...
Junpei: Y-Yeah... I mean, like you said, you've never...done it...before...
June: Yes...
June: So I don't think I'll be able to last very long, and then it'll be...over...
Junpei: ...O-Over...?
June: Yes. I'll go to heaven...
Junpei: ...Heaven...?
June: It feels kind of like you're floating in space, and your mind gets all fuzzy, like when you pass out... At least, that's what I've heard from people who have experienced it...
Junpei: A-Ah, yes, I've heard that too. Although I don't think the same thing happens to guys.
June: ...What?
Junpei: ...Huh?
June: But, it would happen to men too, wouldn't it? It would happen to anyone. Once it gets into your body, the same thing happens to everyone.
Junpei: ...Well...I mean... Usually it doesn't...go inside...the man... I mean, generally...
June: Yes, it does. Well, eventually it will. It's not like you really have a choice... Your body will force you to swallow some of it, eventually...
Junpei: Wh-What are you trying to do to me...?
June: Nothing... I'm not going to do anything to you. I'm just saying that that's what happens. It's a psychological reaction to what you're experiencing...
Was...was that really how it happened? It occurred to Junpei that perhaps that was how it worked... Perhaps he'd been mistaken all these years. Had he misunderstood life so gravely? The thought terrified him. June seemed to be entirely oblivious to Junpei's mounting confusion and terror.
Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors, Junpei and June, about an elevator which could seemingly only go down to the submerged part of the ship.

I tried talking to the wife but she doesn't understand
The pleasure that it gives me when I hold it in me hand
The longer you play wi'it, the more it gets hard
Especially when you got no memory on your memory card!
— The Lancashire Hotpots, "Me PSP"

"Wow. Just ... around you, Kyon, that slider turns into a living innuendo factory. Kanae-chan's little 'you wore me out last night' comment, her constant Freudian slips, and now, 'accidentally falling into your bed'? I can't even bring myself to get worked up over the things that get said between the two of you - what really happened? And where'd the Trope-tan cosplay come from?"
Haruhi, Kyon: Big Damn Hero

Belkar: I sense a great disturbance... as though a thousand double entendres cried out, and were suddenly silenced.
The Order of the Stick, on the subject of Lord Shojo's very large, very impressive junk with room for lots of seamen.

Baby Blue: Hey there sexy. Is that a telescope or are you just happy to see me?
Criminy: It's a telescope.
Baby Blue: I bet you like playing with your instrument.
Criminy: Oh indeed I do! I take it out every chance I get!
Baby Blue: Oo! Sounds like fun.
Criminy: It's very powerful. I've enjoyed many heavenly bodies with it.
Baby Blue: [to Fuchsia] The force is strong with this one.
Baby Blue: Okay then. Show me how to use it.
Criminy: Sure!
Criminy: First you find a nice, cozy spot. Then you plant it firmly in place...
Criminy: Then you adjust the knobs. Gently. You want to be delicate with it. It's an extremely sensitive machine. Slide the lens back and forth... focus in and out...
Criminy: In... Out... In... Out...
Criminy: This could go on for hours.
Baby Blue: I need a cigarette...

Detective Jake Peralta: Alright, Boyle, I trust your gut. Let's go free an innocent woman.
Detective Charles Boyle: Nice! My dream's comin' true... you and me, gettin' my lady off together.
Detective Jake Peralta: ... I mean, you know how that sounds, right?
Detective Jake Peralta: Check out the date on this storage locker receipt. She couldn't have rented it because she was busy gettin' busy.
Detective Charles Boyle: This is fantastic! I mean, I'm not happy that she was having sex with another man but I'm okay with it if that's what gets her off!
Detective Jake Peralta: Do you seriously not hear it? Because it almost seems intentional at this point.

Kara: I'm looking through it. It's amazing. All the equipment I'm seeing. So many sizes and shapes...
Linda: All the…? Kara! Just where are you looking?!
Kara: The equipment room, where they keep all the sporting stuff, why?
Linda: Oh, I thought you were peeping in at the guy's lock— Forget it. My own dirty mind.

You might imagine that the Smut Orcs killed Standards & Practices Agent Richard Cockingham, but actually they were just confused and couldn't figure out why he was so angry all the time.
In fact, Agent Cockingham choked to death on his own bile when he misheard a Smut Orc talking about a sick duck.
Monster Manuel, Kingdom of Loathing

JARVIS: Well, it is a tight fit, sir...
Tony Stark: Ow!
JARVIS: Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt.
Tony Stark: Be gentle, this is my first time.
Iron Man note