Quotes / Incredibly Lame Pun

"Pun (n.): the lowest form of humour"
Samuel Johnson

Sookie Stackhouse: Fang-tasia?
Bill Compton: You have to remember that most vampires are very old. Puns used to be the highest form of humor.

"Riddle me this: What happens when you fill an empty eggshell with nitro? It becomes an egg-splosive! Uhuhuhuhuh!"
The Riddler, the 1960s Batman cartoon

"Lindsay" anyone got any more horse puns?
"Kidn" Nay.
—[[lets build! http://youtu.be/m-o8SOudLlU]]

Terry: "You're sure about this?"
Bruce: "Everything they steal is tied to playing card suits."
Terry: "How does the yacht fit in?"
Bruce: "It was part of a yacht club."
Terry: "Ouch."
Hero: (to Lionfang) But it's great that you've come to the party, and you even brought me a present. I get to beat you into the ground just like I did last time. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
AdventureQuest Worlds, during the Frostval Events

Sek-Duat: Once again, you prove what a nuisance you are, half-breed.
Zhoom: It's good to see you too, mummy.
Hero: I thought your mom was dead...
Sek-Duat: Can we skip the puns this time?
King Dedede: Heh heh heh heh heh. Oh, I just love it when I get Dedede-structive!
Dilbert: Wally, would you like to be on my TTP project?
Wally: What does "T.T.P." stand for?
Dilbert: It's short for The TTP Project. I named it myself. So... do you want to join?
Wally: I'd rather be your archnemesis.
Dilbert, May 18, 1994

DJ: Okay, we're gonna take a little fiver, so your MC can go pee. (brief moment of silence) ...That joke never gets a laugh.
Victorious, "Freak the Freak Out"

(after the Starship Rangers have been stuck to a giant spider web)
Commander Up: Well... at least we stuck together!
Everyone Else: (groaning)

"The 1998 Oscars, I found myself in a bathroom next to Tom Selleck. So I leaned over and said, "Looks like we're a couple of peeing Toms!" His angry silence is something I'll never forget."

"Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water."
Dave Barry, "Why Humor Is Funny"

"If the Internet were an auditorium, I'd be on stage grinning proudly against a chorus of groans."
Chris Hastings, creator of The Adventures of Dr. McNinja (Alt Text here)

Kaiser: You thought Frieza was cool. Huh? Huh?
Lani: His brother's Cooler.
[Taka groans and vomits]
Lani: Get ready for that about twenty more times during that movie. We literally have that line in there twenty times, and we haven't even written it yet.
Team Four Star Podcast Episode 2

There isn't enough wah-wah music in the world to make up for that pun.
Linkara, on the "carried away" pun from Adventures of the Kool-Aid Man #1

Chick: Nobody likes puns, Disney, come on.
Nella: Nella likes puns.
Chick: As I was saying, nobody likes puns.
Nella: [Slopes away like a beaten dog.]
Chris: This is the part where we find out that Benjamin Bratt’s character’s name is DETECTIVE TOM LONE.
David: That’s appropriate for the character, because as he later says, he’s a loner!
Chris: And Tom, like a male cat!
David: Oh my God, I didn’t even think of that. I mean, I’m GLAD I didn’t think of that.
Chris: I heard the guy that named the cop in the Phoenix Wright games “Detective Dick Gumshoe” walked out of the theater in disgust when he heard that name.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Catwoman

"I’m not sure why, exactly, but I find this Beetle Bailey particularly insulting. Look, General Halftrack is hunched over with rage and he’s pouring booze down his throat, OK? And his wife is falling all over herself apologizing for planning some sort of basic interaction with other humans. The General doesn’t want to go. We get it. You don’t have to name them 'the Borrings' to emphasize that General Halftrack will, in fact, be bored (borred?) when he has dinner with them. I never thought I’d hold up Blondie as some sort of paragon of efficient, naturalistic narrative in sequential art storytelling, but, well, Blondie managed to pull this off without giving the off-screen hateful family a name that telegraphed their function."
The Comics Curmudgeon on Beetle Bailey

"For example, some of the puns the creators use are wretched enough to serve as arguments for the death penalty (I really think they could have found a better name for the bottomless "Frank N's Stein")."
This review of SenZar

"Someone should make a frisbee with the picture of a 14th century English poet on it. It'd be a...Flying Chaucer."
— a real life exchange.

Nash: Ugh, not another pun! The deepest circles of hell are reserved for people who make bad puns.
Tara: I'm pretty sure when I get to the pearly gates the puns are going to be the least of my worries
WTFIWWY on Radio Dead Air