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Quotes / I'm a Humanitarian

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    Anime and Manga 

Ryujiro: Heh. So, what're you in here for?
Firo: Huh? Oh, uh. I messed some people up bad.
Ryujiro: That's not what I'm talking about, buddy. That's not it at all.
Firo: Huh?
Ryujiro: What I mean is, what happened after that? You had to have done something after that to get yourself a ticket here.
Firo: Oh, uh. I messed some guards up bad, too.
Ryujiro: Huh...
Firo: What, you don't believe me? You don't think I could do it?
Ryujiro: Hah! You too, eh? Yeah, I get whatcha mean. You're in here for the same thing as me.
Firo: ...You too?
Ryujiro: Yup. Well, in my case, there was this guard who pissed me off, so I gave his neck a little chomp. You understand, right?
Firo: ...
Ryujiro: Heheh! Hey, ever heard of odorigui? It's this way of eating the Japanese have — you bite down on your food while it's still alive and moving. The feeling of something live squirming against your tongue, against your teeth as you bite down... It just all comes together with the salty taste of blood and makes it so incredible!
Firo: Yeah, okay. I think I've heard enough.
Ryujiro: Whoa, whoa, hear me out here. I mean, I think about it right now and... Damn, that feeling! That tearing sensation as my teeth snag against skin! The taste of iron flooding into my mouth! The sound of the guard screaming and the pain of the clubs hitting my head making the perfect seasoning... Delicious! It was so great I thought I'd died and gone to heaven!
Baccano! 1934 - Alice in Jails

You will become sushi
Simon, Durarara!!

Could everyone stop eating, please? You're eating the guest of honor.
Fran Madaraki, Franken Fran

Can I eat him?

    Comic Books 

Yum, yum. Dim sum. Chinese food made from real Chinese. All of them. I guess someone should have yelled "Peking... Duck!" (BURP) Okay, Joker, you've wiped out the People's Republic of China. What are you going to do next? And the first one of you who even thinks "I'm going to Happyland" gets to be dessert...

Filemón: Cowpatland? But that's the land of the savage! Where explorers are eaten raw...
Super: Well, some progress has been made... Now they are fried first!
Mortadelo y Filemón, "Fórmula Uno"

"I am not adverse to the taste of human flesh, sir."

"You stupid cow! I'll eat you myself!"
Dolok, Way of the World

"Tell me, are these humans edible?"

    Fan Works 

BITCH, I EAT PEOPLE!

"You Are What You Eat!" proclaimed an ad for Soylent Green.

“Romeo wasn’t talking to you, Hobbes.” Marco looks at Tobias again. “If he’s this out of it, he’s probably going to end up killing and eating someone in the middle of the night.”
“I’ll lock him in my room tonight,” Tobias says. “And anyway, if he eats my uncle it’ll be no great loss.”
“I don’t wanna eat any humans,” Jake whines. “Humans taste gross. They’re all covered in shampoo and detergent and stuff.”
Marco and Tobias digest this tidbit in silence for several seconds. And then they exchange a glance with each other and decide they’re both going to forget they ever heard that.
“Plus,” Jake continues, utterly unaware, “There’s testos… tosser… tessosserone.” He squints at Marco as if they are much further than six inches apart. “Girl deer taste better. ‘cause hormones.”
“Thank you,” Marco says solemnly, “ever so much, for making sure the rest of us share in the urge to puke our guts out. Really.”
“Shit like this the reason I’m a vegetarian,” Tobias mutters.
— "What if Jake was stuck in morph?", All Assorted Animorphs AUs

    Film — Live-Action 

Well, listen up, sonny Jim. I ate a baby! Oh, aye! Baby, the other, other white meat! Baby, it's what's for dinner!

You don't understand... I've seen it. I've seen it happening. The ocean is dying, the plankton is dying. It's people! Soylent Green is made out of people. They're making our food out of people. Soon, they'll be breeding us like cattle for food! You gotta tell 'em! Listen to me, Hatcher! You gotta tell 'em SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!! We gotta stop them! Somehow! Listen! Listen to me... PLEASE!!
Robert Thorn, Soylent Green

"Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc."note 
Addams Family Creed, The Addams Family

I'm a cannibal, hombre! We're gonna fucking eat your ass!
Danny McBride, This Is the End

"Heading down for a midnight snack... and I can guess what kind."
Marv on Kevin, Sin City

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."
Hannibal Lecter, The Silence of the Lambs

Meg Mucklebones: What a fine fat boy you are, Jack!
Jack o' the Green: You don't really mean to eat me, do you, ma'am?
Meg: Oh, indeed I do!

"She was so sweet, I could eat her brains like jam!"
Blunder on Princess Lily, Legend (1985)

    Literature 

"Aren't you the chap that I found boiling down some rebel skulls in Bikili last year?" I asked.
He fidgeted nervously.
"Yes, sir."
"Well, beat it, my boy. I don't want your type in my unit."
"But sir, I promise you I've given it up!"
Congo Mercenary by Mike Hoare

He took up with a band of mutie marauders who had a rather more liberal attitude to norms than most — that is, they accepted him, instead of slow-roasting him over a fire and eating him...

I decided I would show the livestock a friendly face before they were taken to the washroom; otherwise, the fat father and the weasel son would be the last people they would see before they were stuffed inside the sacks and chained up. When we reach the courtyard, I remember what the fat father told me last time, about how the meat tastes better with bruises under the skin. That's why they use the clubs. To tenderize the meat and get blood into the flesh. When he told me that, I wanted to escape from Gruut Huis and keep running into the poisonous mist until I fell down, until no one in the building could ever find me again. The residents don't need to eat the fresh meats. Like the staff, they can eat the soft yellow yeast from the tanks, but the residents are rich and can afford variety.
Doll Hands, by Adam L G Nevill

I was standing to one side of them, praying as they were blindfolded, when the eldest one spoke to me.
"I have tasted it," he said. "I have eaten the Word made flesh. Now God is in me, and I am God. He tasted good. He tasted of blood."

"Don't know shit about fairies," Nauk admitted.
Which wasn't entirely true. He had an old family recipe for braising them with southern spices, but Kilian was quarter-fae and might be displeased by the revelation. Humans always got all offended when orcs mentioned eating other humans, like eating each other wasn't the most natural state of Creation. You'd think they'd never eaten a rabbit, by the way their hackles got raised. You just had to accept that, to the Clans, everyone else might as well be rabbits.

Boy Pie might be better than Bird Pie. More meat and not so many tiny little bones!
Mr. Twit, The Twits

Finally after ninety-seven long days adrift Captain Pertwee was rescued, mercifully ending his miserable diet of rainwater and strips of sun dried Haddock which was actually far ghastlier than it sounded what with George Haddock being his former first mate.
Phillip Davies of Cardiff, Wales, The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2014: Adventure: Dishonorable Mentions

Eat of the dead, les you be consumed by the emptiness. The living cannot teach the dead, but the dead can instruct the living.
Necronomicon: The Wanderings of Alhazred, by Donald Tyson

    Live-Action TV 

Peralta: Are you a... cannibal, Caleb?
Caleb: Well, that's not how I would define myself. If we're going by what I'm most passionate about, I would say that I'm a woodworker. Why did you think I was in protective custody?
Peralta: I dunno, I guess I hoped you were another cop wrongly convicted of crimes you didn't commit.
Caleb: Nope! I did all my stuff - and more! There's tons they can't even trace to me. The secret is eating the evidence.

Madame Vastra: Jack the Ripper has taken his last victim.
Jenny Flint: How did you find him?
Madame Vastra: Stringy, but tasty all the same. I won't be needing dinner.

I know we've had our differences, Tormund. But just one time, before you die, you really ought to try... crow.
Styr, Game of Thrones

I ate my sister and my mom. My dad, too. Up in Fort Collins. Couldn't eat the dog, though. Only an animal would chow down on their own dog, don't you agree?
Ralph Greenwald, Scandal, "The Belt"

You're either the butcher or the cattle.

This isn't cannibalism, Abel. It's only cannibalism, if we're equals.
Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal

Col. Sumner: (motioning to a nearby corpse) Looks like the food didn't agree with him.
Wraith Queen: There we are quite different. WE don't require our food to agree with us...

Moss: I am so embarrassed, I cannot tell you.
Roy: What happened?
Moss: It wasn't a cookery class at all.
Jen: What was it?
Moss: He wrote it down wrong 'cause his English isn't very good, and it turns out he didn't want to teach me how to cook, he wanted to cook me.
(Beat)
Jen: What?
Moss: He wanted to eat me. I know, egg and my face were in alignment.
Jen: He wanted to eat you?
Moss: Yes.
Roy: (gasps) He's one of those German cannibals.
Moss: He is and he was such a nice man.
Roy: Oh, was he?
Moss: Yeah, he was a fine young cannibal.
The IT Crowd, "Moss and the German"

"You'll never know true power until you've tasted the testicles of a man who has wronged you."
Santiago, Cowboy Bebop (2021)

    Music 

Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf),
Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf),
Eating all the bodies,
Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf!
Rob Cantor, "Shia LaBeouf" Live

    Newspaper Comics 

My Soylent Green came out lumpy.

    Stand-Up Comedy 

Cannibalism. Imagine that: chowing down on another human being. You gotta be all out of beef jerky, man. You gotta be really fucking hungry. But it happens, doesn't it? Still happens to this day. A bunch of people stranded in the wilderness run out of pop tarts, gotta eat something... Might as well be Steve! And by the way, how do you decide who to eat first? How do you decide who's first on the barbecue rack? Do you pick on the little guy because he's skinny and he can't fight back, or do you all gang up on the bodybuilder because he's got a lot of steaks and chops on him?
George Carlin, "Extreme Human Behavior"

    Video Games 

Tick tock, feed the croc...
Killer Croc, Batman: Arkham Asylum

This one was a good one. Very nice to kill.
Easy to cut with my knife, like to cut food.
— My secret note #4, Cry of Fear

Rend...
Slaughter...
Devour your enemies!
There is no other way to survive. You cannot escape your hunger, Warriors of Purgatory!
Angel , Digital Devil Saga

There is a meat sweeter than the most cornfed livestock. Most of you have tasted it. All of you have coveted it. [...] For our society to be truly elite, we must dine on the most delicious, the most exclusive food known to us.
Mortimer, Fallout: New Vegas

Listen, sweetling. A New England professor says: "Cannibalism represents the most egregious violation of etiquette between host and guest." He says that, sweetling, but you cannot hear him. He's muffled, buried in a distended belly. A clawed foot crushes his bloodied glasses.
The Buzzing, The Secret World

It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks, and become one with all the people.
Chairman Sheng-ji Yang, "Ethics for Tomorrow," Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri

Spencer Jankowski: Fucker's got an appetite.
Jin Sun-Kwon: I think he has an agenda. It's not just recreational - he's getting something out of it.
Jankowski: Essential vitamins and nutrients?

I've never eaten a homosexual before. I wonder if your meat tastes different~
Linda Simons, Ouija Sleepover

    Web Animation 
Carl: Because we're friends, and friendship is two pals munching on a well-cooked face together.
Paul: That isn't friendship, Carl. That's sick.
Carl: Well, then you're probably not going to like your birthday decorations.

Looks like all the food is gone. You know what this means... IT'S OKAY TO EAT PEOPLE!
Luis Suarez, The Champions

I'M NOT HERE FOR YOUR SOUTHERN COOKING! I'M EATING KNEECAP OR NOTHING!

"Did you know... many cultures consume blood for food, and that includes humans?"
Bob Velseb, Spooky Month, "Tender Treats"

    Western Animation 
Webby: Hot dog costumes!
Huey: I'm sorry, what?
Webby: You know, in case we get lost at sea and one of us— probably Louie— goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on! Louie hates hot dogs, so he probably won't eat us.
Huey: Are you saying Louie would rather eat us than hot dogs?
Louie: I do hate hot dogs.

Half-dead fat guy: (to Lois and Brian) Wait! You gonna eat that dead fat guy?
(later)
Stewie: I was just upstairs, and there's a half-dead fat guy eating a dead fat guy.

Fry: My god, what if the secret ingredient [of Slurm] is people?!
Leela: There's already a drink like that, Soylent Cola.
Fry: Oh. [beat] What's it taste like?
Leela: It varies from person to person.

Pud'n: Falling chickens from the sky! Now we don't have to eat each other to survive!
Sperg: (with Pud'n's limbs stuffed in his mouth) Tough luck for you, kid.
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, "Which Came First?"


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