"Well, she tried making it 'health food style', so it was, like, with nothing but natural ingredients and stuff, so, it... it, it tasted like ass. ...I don't know what ass tastes like, but I say it tasted like ass."
— Shadow, Super Playify
For breakfast, we both had whole-wheat breakfast squares! My mom said they were good for us, and I knew it had to be true, because...they didn't TASTE good.
— Bill Harley, "I Love My Sister"
No matter what they claim, there is only one diet that works. I call it the You-Gotta-Suffer Diet.
Having just lost 25 pounds in about 10 weeks, I know it works and I'm willing to share it with you. It's quite simple. You don't have to do a lot of calorie counting, measuring and weighing tiny bits of food or poring over time-consuming recipes. All you have to do is be miserable, which is fundamental to any successful diet. And you have to remember only one rule, the cornerstone of my diet.
The rule is: If you enjoy it, you can't have it; if you don't like it, you can eat all you want.
This rule derives from the scientifically acknowledged fact that Mother Nature is a nasty, sadistic, mean broad. She made everything that tastes good fattening. And everything that is not fattening tastes terrible.
An example is the Brussels sprout. Under my diet, you can eat all the Brussels sprouts you want. Stuff yourself with them. Shove them in your mouth with both hands. You won't gain an ounce. That's because Brussels sprouts are awful. Just as lettuce, celery, cabbage, carrots and most vegetables are awful. The only vegetable that isn't awful is the potato — and only when it's French fried. Or baked and heaped with butter, sour cream and chunks of bacon. Or covered with gooey cheese. Then the potato tastes great. Therefore, you can't eat it.
See how simple it is?