Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Otacon: Okay... There's a saying that goes "Even a bird on high dies a glutton's death, as do the fish of The Deeps." The lesson is — er, don't be greedy. The fish that belonged to a family called the Deeps died from overfeeding, and so did a bird that got high on something — probably fermented fruit.
Snake: ...okay. If you say so.
Otacon: I do, Snake. Don't take unnecessary risks just because you're greedy for more Items. Remember the Deep family's fish.
Otacon: Do you know the saying "Those who walk a hundred leagues think not that their journey is half ended until the ninetieth league?" That means... what does it mean? Okay, it means that if you're planning to walk that far, you'd better damn well know how to do simple arithmetic. Study! Stay in school!
Snake: This seems to be getting more and more random.
Otacon: Correction: It's becoming more deep. Trust me!
The Sphinx: If you do not learn to master your rage-
Mr. Furious: Your rage will become your master?
The Sphinx: ....
Mr. Furious: That's what you were gonna say, right?!
The Sphinx: ... Not necessarily...
time / and beauty / are orthogonal
to learn / is to die having learned
an object sought / finds the seeker / before they look
We eat chickens. We take a bird and we put it in our bodies. In our stomach it dissolves down into atoms and then those atoms enter our bodies. We do this every day all over the planet. Now, think about this: WE are the chickens.
— Mike Gravel, "Candidate Questions Overlooked by the Associated Press," Something Awful
Parker: A man with one watch knows the time. A man with two is never sure.
Parker: I had fortune cookies for breakfast.
— Leverage, "The Snow Job"
Now here they throw more pretentious crap on the screen. How 'bout givin' me some pretentious patterns instead? This ain't good enough.
The nude man catcheth the hen while the clothed man shivers.
"In unifying your chi with that of your opponent—in aligning the breath of your life and theirs—you will storm the strongest fortress. There! Is that a good Secret?"
"I have no idea. It sounds as if it might be really profound. It also sounds like baloney. It is, therefore, the highest-quality bullshido, or martial arts hogwash. I don't know whether to commit it to memory and study it or consider it an object lesson in the ease with which you can counterfeit ancient proverbs."
In the Second Scroll of Wen the Eternally Surprised, a story is written concerning one day when the apprentice Clodpool, in a rebellious mood, approached Wen and spake thusly:
"Master, what is the difference between a humanistic, monastic system of belief in which wisdom is sought by means of an apparently nonsensical system of questions and answers, and a lot of mystic gibberish made up on the spur of the moment?"
Wen considered this for some time, and at last said: "A fish!"
And Clodpool went away, satisfied.
"What would Uncle do? "Zuko, you have to look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself." (Beat) Ugh, even when I'm talking for him I can't figure out what he means."
— Zuko, Avatar: The Last Airbender
"Darkness is light's light of darkness as a dark farewell to dark lightness."
"It's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Those are good. The sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain. The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. And I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt."
—Troy, Reality Bites
"It's possible that I hate Troy more than any other fictional or living human."
—Jezebel, "I Re-Watched Reality Bites and It's Basically a Manual for Shitheads"
Sage: Critic... the path to enlightenment... is the enlightenment of the path.
"Fear is the dark room where the devil develops his negatives."
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."
— Shia LaBeouf (or was it Eric Cantona?) in response to a press question
"The fans used to say, ‘Tell me something to live by, Doctor.’ They’re always saying that. I used to say really dumb things like, ‘Remember, the living are just the dead on holiday,’ and they’d go, ‘Ohh man, did you hear that? The living are just the dead on holiday!’"
"Thousands of years ago, they didn't have doctors stop bleeding. They had to be able to control their bleeding. So instead of bleeding to death they could go on and live."
—Master Dominik Giocobbe
"Master Giacobbe's version of history is so much better than ours. I don't think he's right, but let's not get into that tired debate of which came first, the karate trance or the bandage?"
“What does it feel like to die? I believe it’s a choice. See, you can choose darkness and finality, gnashing of teeth. Or you can choose life.”
"Just so I have this straight…for Sting, dying feels like a choice, wherein one of the choices is in fact to live.
Spider-Man: He was my mentor, he taught me ... uh ... actually, now that I think about it, he was clearly trying to be a mentor to me, but he sucked at it. He would say stuff like, "If you could do good things for other people, you had a moral obligation to do those things" and "Ever since you were a little boy, you've been living with so many unresolved things. Those things send us down a road. They make us who we are."
Cracked: That advice sounds like something my drunk uncle would say, only translated into Fortune Cookie. I think your uncle might be something of a crazy person.
Spider-Man opens and shuts his mouth several times, like he's thinking carefully about what he wants to say next.
Slovak: Fate and destiny are but two sides of a worthless coin that should be given to a baker on Skid Row!
Lupa: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOOUT
— Obscurus Lupa watches Vampire Assassin
"In the animal kingdom, let a budgie fly into the open and the sparrows kill it. If you don’t belong, life can get very strange."
—Jimmy Savile, Love is An Uphill Thing (memoir)
"I don’t want to get into some long psychological investigation into the frightening mind of Jimmy Savile, because it’ll end up like that film The Cell, but with some boy scouts eating their breakfast on a rollercoaster that dips and swerves into an old man’s glittering anus."
—Stuart Millard, "Summer of Savile"
u can't always walk a straight line, especially if the line is crooked
— From Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte's Twitter Account