Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Otacon: Okay... There's a saying that goes "Even a bird on high dies a glutton's death, as do the fish of the deeps." The lesson is — er, don't be greedy. The fish that belonged to a family called the Deeps died from overfeeding, and so did a bird that got high on something — probably fermented fruit.
Snake: ...okay. If you say so.
Otacon: I do, Snake. Don't take unnecessary risks just because you're greedy for more Items. Remember the Deep family's fish.
Otacon: Do you know the saying "Those who walk a hundred leagues think not that their journey is half ended until the ninetieth league?" That means... what does it mean? Okay, it means that if you're planning to walk that far, you'd better damn well know how to do simple arithmetic. Study! Stay in school!
Snake: This seems to be getting more and more random.
Otacon: Correction: It's becoming more deep. Trust me!
The Sphinx: If you do not learn to master your rage-
Mr. Furious: Your rage will become your master?
The Sphinx: ....
Mr. Furious: That's what you were gonna say, right?!
The Sphinx: ... Not necessarily...
time / and beauty / are orthogonal
to learn / is to die having learned
an object sought / finds the seeker / before they look
We eat chickens. We take a bird and we put it in our bodies. In our stomach it dissolves down into atoms and then those atoms enter our bodies. We do this every day all over the planet. Now, think about this: WE are the chickens.
— Mike Gravel, "Candidate Questions Overlooked by the Associated Press," Something Awful
Parker: A man with one watch knows the time. A man with two is never sure.
Parker: I had fortune cookies for breakfast.
— Leverage, "The Snow Job"
Now here they throw more pretentious crap on the screen. How 'bout givin' me some pretentious patterns instead? This ain't good enough.
The nude man catcheth the hen while the clothed man shivers.
"In unifying your chi with that of your opponent—in aligning the breath of your life and theirs—you will storm the strongest fortress. There! Is that a good Secret?"
"I have no idea. It sounds as if it might be really profound. It also sounds like baloney. It is, therefore, the highest-quality bullshido, or martial arts hogwash. I don't know whether to commit it to memory and study it or consider it an object lesson in the ease with which you can counterfeit ancient proverbs."
In the Second Scroll of Wen the Eternally Surprised, a story is written concerning one day when the apprentice Clodpool, in a rebellious mood, approached Wen and spake thusly:
"Master, what is the difference between a humanistic, monastic system of belief in which wisdom is sought by means of an apparently nonsensical system of questions and answers, and a lot of mystic gibberish made up on the spur of the moment?"
Wen considered this for some time, and at last said: "A fish!"
And Clodpool went away, satisfied.
"What would Uncle do? "Zuko, you have to look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself." (Beat) Ugh, even when I'm talking for him I can't figure out what he means."
— Zuko, Avatar: The Last Airbender
"Darkness is light's light of darkness as a dark farewell to dark lightness."
"It's all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Those are good. The sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain. The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. And I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt."
—Troy, Reality Bites
"It's possible that I hate Troy more than any other fictional or living human."
—Jezebel, "I Re-Watched Reality Bites and It's Basically a Manual for Shitheads"
Sage: Critic... the path to enlightenment... is the enlightenment of the path.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."
—Shia LaBeouf (or was it Eric Cantona?) in response to a press question
"The fans used to say, ‘Tell me something to live by, Doctor.’ They’re always saying that. I used to say really dumb things like, ‘Remember, the living are just the dead on holiday,’ and they’d go, ‘Ohh man, did you hear that? The living are just the dead on holiday!’"
Look, there’s Sting laying in a casket.
“What does it feel like to die?” the Stinger eloquently asks. “I believe it’s a choice. See, you can choose darkness and finality, gnashing of teeth. Or you can choose life.”
Just so I have this straight…for Sting, dying feels like a choice, wherein one of the choices is in fact to live.
Slovak: Fate and destiny are but two sides of a worthless coin that should be given to a baker on Skid Row!
Lupa: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOOUT
— Obscurus Lupa watches Vampire Assassin
"Yoko Ono is brilliant. Sadly, a lot of younger people only have some vague sense of who she is, “Oh, that weird chick who hung out with the hippie guy from The Monkees”, but if you follow her on Twitter, you’ll know different. You’ll know better. Yoko Ono’s glorious Twitter feed reads like a bunch of fortune cookies written by Charles Manson..."
—Stuart Millard, "What Would Yoko Do?"
u can't always walk a straight line, especially if the line is crooked
— From Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte's Twitter Account