"This is going to be legen- wait for it..."
—Barney Stinson, "Something Blue" (season 2 episode 22).
—Barney Stinson, "Wait For It" (season 3 episode 1).
"Ted is literally the sweetest guy in the world. He's like a modern-day Martin Frobisher. If Ted took his awesomeness and built a skyscraper out of it, it would literally be taller than Mount Waddington! That's over 4,000 meters tall! When we split up, I literally cried forever. Yet, we both wanted different things, so we knew it wouldn't work oot in the end. Still, Ted is not a jerk. Would a jerk steal a Smurf Penis just to impress a girl? Would a jerk literally make it rain just to see me? I don't think so. In fact, Teddy Boy and I are still literally the best of friends. Anyone who thinks Ted is a jerk is a major idiot (Major Idiot!). Let me put it this way: I wouldn't trade the time I spent with Ted for literally all the grizzly paw ice cream sandwiches in the world."
—Robin Scherbatsky, in a testimonial vouching for Ted hosted at tedmosbyisnotajerk.com
"Hi. I’m Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet, and we’re gonna get married, and... We’re gonna have two kids. And we’re gonna love them and each other so much... All that is 45 days away. But I’m here now, I guess, because... I want those extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. And look, if I can’t have them, I’ll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because... I love you. I’m always gonna love you. Till the end of my days... and beyond. You’ll see."
—Ted, to the Mother in an Imagine Spot
"Hi. One ticket to Farhampton, please."
—The Mother's first line
"What point is that? Because she hurt you once, you now get to hurt her? That's not how it works in a marriage."
—Marvin Eriksen, "Sunrise"
"You are gonna lose. You're gonna lose this[points at them both]. If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like 'winning' or 'losing' when you talk about our marriage... it's not like it's going to happen all at once but keep acting this way and little by little, you're gonna lose me. Is that what you want?"
—Lily Aldrin, "Sunrise"
"How I Met Your Mother is a show about how awesome Neil Patrick Harris is, but there's also a recurring sub plot about a guy named Ted Mosby..."
—Cracked writer Dan O'Brien in 4 Pieces of Relationship Advice Movies Need to Stop Giving