Quotes: Hollywood Hacking

WHAT IS A HACKER EVEN? JUST SOME SMUG ASSHOLE IN MOVIES DOING FAKE THINGS AND MAKING UP WORDS.
Karkat Vantas, Homestuck

In Watch_Dogs, you can hack traffic lights and barriers to discourage pursuers, but how that applies is that a quick-time event flashes up as you drive along the road, you press it, and hey, presto! Pursuer fucks off. Thank goodness, I was coming dangerously close to waking up.

"The only person who could erase Chloe is Chloe."

Yes, because no one on Earth is better with computers than a girl who grew up with sub standard equipment in a Kansas farm town. Sigh.
Julian Finn on Smallville, "Shield"

Matt: Heís told heís no longer eligible for unemployment insurance after some verbal sparring, and then he finds an ad on the back of a matchbook to become a computer programmer, which got a big laugh out of me.
David: This movie is so unapologetic about not giving a f*** about how computers actually work that I canít really hold anything against it.
—Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Superman III

Oh, and they also decide to hire a stereotypical hacker kid (DJ Qualls) to hang out at Mission Control, ostensibly as some kind of backup plan, but mainly to annoy the more technologically savvy viewers.

"Control-Alt-Death"? Geez, this is gonna be one of those movies, isn't it? Where people stare really intently at these monitors that have these scrolling lines of code that don't mean anything, and talk about computers and networks using a lot of techno-jargon they don't know what it means, like 'They're attacking our sub-net!' 'Quick, install more firewalls!' 'Close all our sockets before they upload a Trojan virus!'

Let's imagine that you're on a ship and you want to take over the computers. How would you do it? Would you:

A: Sneak into the Captain's office late at night and crack his password
B: Pretend to be a crew member and sit at a crew terminal
C: Pretend to be a drunk, wander into the captain's deck and slap a remote control under the wooden desk that the computer sits on

Well of course the answer is C because we all know you only need to be near a computer and you can change the entire nation's satellite system. And download it onto a floppy disk.
Chris Parry on Speed 2: Cruise Control

She appears to have that quaint '90s internet power that lets her be in any computer anywhere at any time for any reason, whether or not the damn thing is even connected to a phone line, and her tentacles help her do this because of mumble mumble internet.

I can hack you back in time to Nazi Germany, like a time machine.
The hacker, Kung Fury

"Helicopters now? They're not even vaguely connected to an online network! He's a hacker, not a bloody wizard!"
Film Brain, talking about Jobe from The Lawnmower Man 2

"The movie is smart and entertaining, then, as long as you don't take the computer stuff very seriously. I didn't. I took it approximately as seriously as the archeology in Indiana Jones."
"The movie is well directed, written and acted, and while it is no doubt true that in real life no hacker could do what the characters in this movie do, it is no doubt equally true that what hackers can do would not make a very entertaining movie."