Quotes / Hollywood Hacking

Film — Live-Action

I can hack you back in time to Nazi Germany, like a time machine!
Hackerman, Kung Fury

Live Action TV

What is hacking? ...I mean, I know in the movies there's usually a montage where they play really serious music - even though you're just watching somebody type really, really fast - and then it says like "server acquired" and then boom, something's hacked. Did it for the lulz, all that good stuff. I just don't know what happens during the typing part. Or even what the word "hacking" means exactly.

So as it turns out, the reason movies just show a montage, they do it that way, is because hacking is boring. I mean I could tell you about programming languages or how I got in touch with 3VERYWHERE, the hacker collective that schooled me in basics, but really? Wouldn't you just rather be watching some Vines of things blowing up instead?
Brain, Limitless


"The movie is well directed, written and acted, and while it is no doubt true that in real life no hacker could do what the characters in this movie do, it is no doubt equally true that what hackers can do would not make a very entertaining movie."


Karkat Vantas, Homestuck

Web Animation

In Watch_Dogs, you can hack traffic lights and barriers to discourage pursuers, but how that applies is that a quick-time event flashes up as you drive along the road, you press it, and hey, presto! Pursuer fucks off. Thank goodness, I was coming dangerously close to waking up.

Web Original

Hollywood still does a horrific job of portraying anyone who uses a computer or cell phone for anything. They may as well just set every movie before 1998 so that they can avoid the cinematic poison of shooting an actor looking at a fucking screen. But in an effort to stay HIP and KEWL, the people behind the new Fantastic Four reboot (yes, it's already being rebooted) have decided to change Victor Von Doom from being a small-country dictator into an "anti-social programmer," which means Hollywood is trying to edgify him by 10 percent. He was already a crazed homicidal maniac. You don't have to mess with that formula. That's an evergreen.
Drew Magary, Make It Stop

"The only person who could erase Chloe is Chloe."

Yes, because no one on Earth is better with computers than a girl who grew up with sub standard equipment in a Kansas farm town. Sigh.
Julian Finn on Smallville, "Shield"

Matt: Heís told heís no longer eligible for unemployment insurance after some verbal sparring, and then he finds an ad on the back of a matchbook to become a computer programmer, which got a big laugh out of me.
David: This movie is so unapologetic about not giving a f*** about how computers actually work that I canít really hold anything against it.
—Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Gus Gorman, Superman III

Oh, and they also decide to hire a stereotypical hacker kid (DJ Qualls) to hang out at Mission Control, ostensibly as some kind of backup plan, but mainly to annoy the more technologically savvy viewers.

Let's imagine that you're on a ship and you want to take over the computers. How would you do it? Would you:

A: Sneak into the Captain's office late at night and crack his password
B: Pretend to be a crew member and sit at a crew terminal
C: Pretend to be a drunk, wander into the captain's deck and slap a remote control under the wooden desk that the computer sits on

Well of course the answer is C because we all know you only need to be near a computer and you can change the entire nation's satellite system. And download it onto a floppy disk.
Chris Parry on Speed 2: Cruise Control

She appears to have that quaint '90s internet power that lets her be in any computer anywhere at any time for any reason, whether or not the damn thing is even connected to a phone line, and her tentacles help her do this because of mumble mumble internet.

Web Video

"Control-Alt-Death"? Geez, this is gonna be one of those movies, isn't it? Where people stare really intently at these monitors that have these scrolling lines of code that don't mean anything, and talk about computers and networks using a lot of techno-jargon they don't know what it means, like 'They're attacking our sub-net!' 'Quick, install more firewalls!' 'Close all our sockets before they upload a Trojan virus!'

Grif: You should explain what's going on, and I could make an educated suggestion.
Simmons: 'Educated'...? Okay, fine. This computer is a dedicated interface with a highly developed security protocol. The information we are accessing is stored on a separate database with its own dedicated hardware. That system has its own distinct layer of security. From what I can tell, the two systems verify their identities by trading randomly generated 2056-bit encryption keys. I'm trying to spoof one of those keys now. So, I'm all ears, any suggestions?
Grif: Oh yeah, I've seen that before. You should try uploading a virus to the mainframe.
Simmons: Jesus!
Grif: I find that viruses which feature laughing skulls tend to work the best.
Simmons: Shut the fuck up and let me work!