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Anderson: "In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen."

Alucard: "Don't mistake my patience for cowardice."

Jan: "Hello? This thing on? This is a message going out to Round Table conference and a personal shout out to Ms. Hellsing herself. Your ass is officially being kicked by the Valentine brothers. My name is Jan Valentine and I'm coming to kill you. In the meantime I recommend pissing yourself followed by praying to your impotent God. Thank you London, we love you. GOODNIGHT!"

Seras: "Walter, why is there a coffin in my bedroom."

Walter: "It's here on orders from Sir Integra. We can't have a vampire that doesn't sleep in a coffin."

Seras: "Where's my bed?"

Walter: "I disposed of it. (Seras screams) If it helps, Alucard approved of the order as well."