Good evening, my name is Bill Hicks. I've been on the road now doing comedy 12 years, so, uh, bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this shit one more time... I'm kinda tired of traveling, kinda tired of doing comedy, kinda tired of staring out at your blank faces looking back at me, wanting me to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourselves.
Photographer: Hugh, could you look less — um —
Hugh Grant: Pained?
Hugh Grant: Pained?
The assumption is that thereís a button that, because youíve sat down, there youíre going to be scrutinized like youíre a kiddy fiddler whoís running for mayor. What I have to do in the future is give myself permission to say, ĎThat is more than likely a syphilitic parasite and I need to distance myself from this clown. Otherwise Iím probably gonna put hands on this clown and then thereís a real story!'
It is like being screamed at by thousands of people. I donít know what the experience is throughout history, probably some kind of genocide. I canít think of anything thatís equivalent.
—Jesse Eisenberg on attending Comic Con
I like show, but I don't like the business.
—Gene Wilder on his retirement
I hated myself for my lack of anger. Was there no limit to humiliation that I'd put up with to hold onto a job? No. There was no limit.
—Tom Baker, Who On Earth is Tom Baker?
Making motion pictures—and God knows it's been said before—is probably the most boring art form ever devised. For an actor, anyway. You wait while they hang lights, focus cameras, check sound, tape marks on the floor, and you do the same three lines over and over and over again.
—Alan King, Name Dropping
I never really enjoyed acting in the first place. I started when I was 10 and Iíve been doing it for 50 years...Upstairs Downstairs brought me fame and kudos but it didnít pay anything. I think I got £230 an episode and each episode took two weeks to shoot.
I love the process of acting, but not the masochism. No matter how successful you get in Hollywood, you cannot rest. Your new movie doesn't open well; they're looking for the next person to replace you; it's always something. You never have true peace.
Here's a man who has spent years going to great lengths to let you know just what an inconvenience it is for Harrison Ford to be in the movie you're watching. Cowboys and Aliens would have been a bad movie regardless, but Ford made matters worse by sleepwalking through his scenes and treating the publicity for the movie like someone was asking him to build a Malaysian prison.
—Drew Magary, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2011"
Cara Delevingneís quick interview with Good Day Sacramento started off on the wrong side of awkward before she even spit out one word. The host called her ďCarlaĒ and Cara looked like she would rather be getting finger banged by a hawk than talk to three hosts from a Sacramento morning show... But Cara handled it all wrong. Youíre not supposed to just sit there and emote with your caterpillar brows.◊ Youíre supposed to say, ďIím shutting your butt down,Ē before pulling off your mic and dramatically exiting. Thatís how itís done. If Cara needs some lessons, Iím sure the master Quentin Tarantino will give her some while he gives her a pedicure with his mouth.