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Quotes: Harmless Villain
"Plankton. One percent evil. Ninety-nine percent hot gas."

"Your penchant for mass murder notwithstanding, people tend to regard you as a bit of tool."
The Narrator, on Eridan Ampora, Homestuck

Guybrush: You're about as fearsome as a doorstop.
Murray: ...Is it a really evil-looking doorstop?
Guybrush: Uh, never mind.

Ganon: Now how am I gonna get back at that jerk for everything he's done to me? Hmm, I could always kidnap the princess... nah, been there, done that. I could just go and kill him, but that wouldn't be evil enough... No, I must do something so utterly evil, he'll be all like, "Whoa dude, that was like totally evil!" I got it! I'll go punch him in the nose! That'll show him!
Bit: That's gotta be the worst idea I've ever heard!

"When it comes to havoc, nobody wreaks like me!"
Dr. Heinz Doofensmirtz, Phineas and Ferb

Just because you are bad guy, it does not mean you are bad guy.
"What am I supposed to do, drop it in the road and wait for Kirby to trip over it?"
King Dedede, about Blocky, Kirby: Right Back at Ya!

"I am evil—stop laughing!"
Veigar, the Tiny Master of Evil, League of Legends

"I would like to submit that [A]Eon the Terrible is not very good at being terrible."
Mike Fireball in his review of Rudolph's Shiny New Year

David: Poison Ivy shows up to yell at Bruce Wayne about how he doesn’t support her insane plan to kill off a bunch of people in the name of stopping using resources. “Batman and Robin! Militant arm of the warm-blooded oppressors.”
Chris''': I genuinely love how she says that no one’s going to be able to protect them from the plants, and everybody just busts out laughing at her, and Gossip Gertie is all in Gotham, we’ve got Batman, so f*** you. Gossip Gertie don’t shiv.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Batman & Robin

"The Borrower's superpower was leaving signed documentation at the scene of all his robberies. That's like being a regular criminal only easier to convict — like, suspiciously easier. His escape vehicle is a chatty stroll and he's dressed like an embedded reporter in a war between leprechauns. If a rookie superhero saw The Borrower, he'd probably say, 'Oh, fuck. This is all some kind of Make a Wish Foundation stunt. I'm ... I'm dying, aren't I?' The Borrower's crime spree was doomed from the start, but it's a special kind of shitty luck when you snatch Wonder Woman's purse. She spends most of her superhero days being chloroformed and hogtied by Egg Fu or Baron Blitzkrieg, so a normal guy with a pile of napkins and a pen is like Christmas. It was such a relaxing day of crimefighting that she went shopping before she bothered to put on her costume."

"Mr. Hyde is not all that compelling in this movie. He is built up all during the first half (kind of like Harry Lime in The Third Man) where we only get glimpses and whispers of how evil he is. When we finally meet him we find he is not so much evil as just an asshole. He beats up a few people but the majority of his evil acts are insulting people and drawing penises in medical textbooks (I’m not kidding). Heck I can get that from any episode of House."
Miles Antwiler on Mary Reilly (1996)

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