Quotes / Guide Dang It

FromSoftware, are you getting backhanders from the GameFAQs people?

It's not fair if you don't make all the rules clear. If I'm stuck in a puzzle game, I prefer it to be because I'm a big thick-y bobo who can't figure out where all the pieces go, not because one of the pieces was still in the box. Forgive me if it didn't occur to me to near the bleeping explode-y death ball and repurpose it as a dessert trolley!

This is one game where there's officially no shame in looking up the FAQ

I don't mind having to intuit a few things, but I don't know how it makes any kind of sense that I can't access the Eastern lands until I've put on the mask of a dead ninja warrior, which is, for some reason, in the possession of two flamboyant German porn stars who run the race track.

You have to consult walkthroughs and things to get through the tutorial, because it's not made up of puzzles. It's made up of the developer saying, "Guess what I'm thinking."

Finally! Holy crap! I don't know how anyone could have solved this one, because it was so unbelievably convoluted. —Well actually, human ingenuity of course could've solved it. A HUMAN MADE IT, A HUMAN CAN SOLVE IT.

How are you supposed to know all that unless you read Nintendo Power? The townspeople don't help that much; they might as well just say "Get the power! Nintendo Power!" Yeah, it's classic hidden cryptic Nintendo horseshit.

[Akitoshi] Kawazu is the type of person who designs those sadistic Super Mario hacks, only he happens to be an executive at one of the world's biggest and most influential video game companies.
Pat R., "Clubbing Myself in the Head: The Final Fantasy II Experience"

...Space Quest IV will give you hours of frustration unless you have this hintbook. Want to know how to get the dog into the hanging basket? Want to find out how to attach the melon? Buy this hintbook and it all becomes obvious.
Space Quest IV, cheerfully hanging a lampshade on its own genre here.

Iolo: "Remind me again why we're doing any of this?"
Steve: "Obviously, to get the jawbone so that we can teleport to Monk Isle and get me a spellbook."
Iolo: "But there's no way you would have known that Erstam had any such thing, or that it could get you there. You just arbitrarily decided we'd go look for the Mad Mage!"
Steve: "Hey. Avatar. Trust me on this."

"What?! All I had to do was move up and down? UP... AND DOWN?!? What the fu-" *Time Over*
Sonic in Sonic Shorts, voicing the frustrations of many players at the barrels in Carnival Night Zone Act 2 of Sonic 3 & Knuckles

Strong Bad: Besides, everybody knows the way to save Senor Cardgage is to cut a bunch of motor sports magazines in half and pour gravy on a defibrillator.

Donít be discouraged, just read Nintendo Power
Or call the Nintendo Power Line number,
Or just get the Strategy Guide!