[[folder:film - live-action]]

->My father was a wheel! The ''first'' wheel! And do you know what he transformed into? ''Nothing!!'' But he did it with honor! Dignity, damn it!
-->--'''Jetfire''', ''Film/TransformersRevengeOfTheFallen''

->Grandpa Schneider is kind of, you know, nice and affable. He'd maybe take you for ice cream, maybe read to you. Grandpa Palmer doesn't wanna do any of that. If you ask him to read, he might throw the book at you.
-->--'''Hank Palmer''', ''Film/TheJudge''

->Never, never, interrupt me, OK? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for any reason.
-->--'''Melvin''', ''Film/AsGoodAsItGets''



->''My kids say, 'He said to me, [[ValleyGirl and I'm like and he's like and she's like]]'\\
'It's all, he's all, she's all'\\
I can't get behind that kind of, [[GotMeDoingIt like, English]]\\
Yeah, and what about student drivers using '''my''' streets to learn?\\
If you learn to play the drums, you gotta go to a studio\\
I can't get behind a student driver''
-->--'''Creator/WilliamShatner''', "I Can't Get Behind That"



->You punks gotta realize, these 70 year old guys, most of them have been in a war, and you haven't.
-->-- '''Radio/NealBoortz'''


[[folder:video games]]

->You know the problem with the youth nowadays? They're YOUNG!
-->--'''Jolee Bindo''', ''VideoGame/KnightsOfTheOldRepublic''

->They can't keep this level of graphics up for much longer! We used to be lucky if we only got three shades of grey, let alone any real colors!
-->--'''Cranky Kong''', ''VideoGame/DonkeyKongCountry''


[[folder:web video]]

->'''Grandpa:''' This never would've happened when I was a boy! You kids these days and [[TheLongList your Millennium Items and your card games and your loud music and your hula hoops and your hopscotch and your dungarees and your lollipops and your Sony Playstations and your voice-activated light switches and your leather pants]] [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and your artificial inseminationó]]\\
'''Yugi:''' That's enough, Grandpa. It's time for [[AnAesop the big message]].\\
'''Grandpa:''' Hey, I'm not finished ranting!
--> --''[[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Movie]]''

->'''Third Hokage''': I can't believe it, Orochimaru, but you're making me resort to my ultimate attack, a forbidden jutsu passed down through the line of the Hokages!\\
'''Orochimaru''': ''[Gasp]'' You don't mean...\\
'''Third Hokage''': Yes! The ''[[RamblingOldManMonologue Old Man Monologue Jutsu]]''!
--> -- ''NarutoTheAbridgedSeries''


[[folder:web original]]

You gosh darn millennials, you are the cause of all the issues here today. You arenít ambitious, but [[YouKeepUsingThatWord youíre also not trepidatious.]] Just writing that sentence required me to [[PerfectlyCromulentWord look up the meaning of the word trepidatious]] on three different sites just so I could try to figure out what [[Wrestling/VinceMcMahon Vince]] was meaning in his rant. Despite spending this time researching it, I still have no clue...Oh, and did we mention he now looks like [[Series/TheAndyGriffithShow Barney Fife?]]\\\
That makes us really sad.
-->--'''''Website/{{Wrestlecrap}}''''', [[http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/induction-vince-mcmahon-and-the-brass-rings-2014-gooker-award-co-winner/ Vince McMahon and the BRASS RINGS Ė 2014 Gooker Award Co-Winner"]]

->Okay, so Billy Crystalís words about how he thinks TV should calm down with showing so much gay sex were taken out of context. Billy never said that heís sick of TV shows shoving hot, hard, sweaty, long gay sex scenes in his face. He said that he doesnít really want to see ANY sex scenes, not just the gay ones. Remind me to never watch TV with Billy Crystal.
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/01/19/correction-billy-crystal-thinks-all-sex-on-tv-is-getting-out-of-hand/ Michael K.]]'''

->Creator/TommyLeeJones isn't the human Grumpy Cat. Grumpy Cat is the pussy Tommy Lee Jones.
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/10/29/the-time-tommy-lee-jones-said-i-hate-you-to-jim-carrey-in-the-middle-of-a-restaurant/ DListed]]''''', "The Time Tommy Lee Jones Said 'I Hate You' To Creator/JimCarrey In The Middle Of A Restaurant"

->Ditka was a speaker at our high school's version of career day. The auditorium was packed and erupted with he walked on the stage. The first words out of his mouth were: 'You are all a bunch of spoiled brats.' Everyone started booing him and I don't remember anything else he said.
-->--'''''Deadspin''''', [[http://www.deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-chicago-bears-1627368933 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Chicago Bears"]]

->They can call each other "giants" but we have to call them "[[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad enlarged people]]" or something. That's how it works. They start out simple and then they just want to torture you, make you bend over backwards so you don't hurt any feelings. Before you know it, up is down, men are getting married to each other, and the Jets are hosting a Super Bowl.
-->--'''''SomethingAwful''''', [[http://www.somethingawful.com/feature-articles/ditka-redskins-racist/ "Mike Ditka's Team Name Horseshit Roundup"]]

->When you get older, much of your hate comes from knowledge and experience, which is why really old people [[HatesEveryoneEqually hate everyone.]]
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-pittsburgh-steelers-1625613194 Drew Magary]]'''

->'''Batman:''' The only thing I know of that can cut through her hide ain't in no WorldOfWarcraft game. So how you like them apples, hippies? Can't stop rockets with your Starbucks and [=iPads=], can you? Old guys win again! OLD GUYS WIN AGAIN!
-->--'''[[http://comicsalliance.com/frank-miller-occupy-muslim-comics/ Chris Sims]]''', "Creator/FrankMiller Was a Cranky Old Man All Along"

->It doesn't help that today's old-folks were raised at a time when it wasn't considered cool to talk about your problems in any kind of constructive way. You sucked it up and lived with it. If you committed suicide, they would literally [[NoSympathy call you a fag in the obituary]]. Well, if you 'suck it up' for 80 years it eventually just overflows onto everyone who walks past your house.
-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16952_6-obnoxious-old-people-habits-explained-by-science.html#ixzz3EAXUqDdv "6 Obnoxious Old People Habits (Explained By Science)"]]

->Tomorrow the tides will ebb and flow, the sun will rise, and BillOReilly will be pissed off about something. I settled back on my couch and let it all wash over me. [='=]'''[[YouCanPanicNow We are in the twilight zone. America has entered another dimension]]''',' he began, and I gave out a small, satisfied sigh. Take me home, Bill, take me home.
-->--'''[[http://www.salon.com/2014/01/28/my_personal_fox_news_nightmare_inside_a_month_of_self_induced_torture/ John Haggerty]]''', "My Personal Creator/{{Fox News|Channel}} Nightmare"

->Snore, er what huh? Why have you awaken me, slave? What? [[AttentionWhore My minions have forgotten about me?]] This shall not stand, [[BornInTheWrongCentury fetch me my telegraph]], I must pen a missive on the slatternly behaviors of the youthful whores who have had the unmitigated gall to be young and uninterested in [[DirtyOldMan sexist old men]] while I doze off into my twilight hours and thus should be punished!!! Er, I mean to say, [[EEqualsMCHammer something about math and statistics]] thatís impressively ignorant in order to try and handwave the real problem of rape. All right, Iíve completed my dictation, go slave and fetch my monetary recompense.
-->--'''''Sadly, No!''''' [[http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/39878.html rebuts]] George Will

->He is a savage scoffer and merciless mocker (though hardly in a league with [[Creator/ChristopherHitchens Hitchens]]). He is a commercial as well as a political success: ''Things That Matter'' briefly topped the ''New York Times'' best-seller list last fall. Facility in framing the conventional wisdom, [[SimpleCountryLawyer however vacuous]], with perfect assurance, indeed with an edge of impatience in one's voice that such truisms need to be explained at all, is a singular gift, and probably the supreme qualification for an op-ed columnist or talk-show guest.
-->--'''[[http://www.georgescialabba.net/mtgs/2014/05/floats-like-a-vulture.html Scott McLemee]]''' on Charles Krauthammer


[[folder:western animation]]

->'''Young Homer''': You wouldn't understand, dad. You're not with it!\\
'''Abraham Simpson:''' I used to be 'with it'. But then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it', and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to '''''YOU.'''''
-->--''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "Homepalooza"


[[folder:real life]]

->If men learn this, it will implant forgetfulness in their souls; they will cease to exercise memory because they rely on that which is written, calling things to remembrance no longer from within themselves, but by means of external marks. What you have discovered is a recipe not for memory, but for reminder. And it is no true wisdom that you offer your disciples, but only its semblance, for by telling them of many things without teaching them you will make them seem to know much, while for the most part they know nothing, and as men filled, not with wisdom, but with the conceit of wisdom, they will be a burden to their fellows.
-->--'''{{Plato}}''' on the invention of ''[[OlderThanFeudalism writing]]''

->We live in a decaying age. Young people no longer respect their parents. They are rude and impatient. They frequently inhabit taverns and have no self control.
-->--Ancient Egyptian tomb inscription

->Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and [[FauxHorrific everyone is writing a book.]]

->The Golden Past was never the Golden Present.
-->--'''UsefulNotes/BenjaminFranklin''' (attributed)

->The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
--> --''' Creator/HLMencken'''

->You know, it's a funny thing, every one of the bastards that are out for legalizing marijuana are Jewish. [[RacistGrandma What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob?]] What is the matter with them? I suppose it is because most of them are psychiatrists.
-->--'''UsefulNotes/RichardNixon''', transcripts from White House tapes

->Pull your pants up and act like a man!
-->--'''Gene Hackman''' to Creator/WesAnderson on the set of ''TheRoyalTenenbaums''

->The world is in greater turmoil than at any time in my lifetime.
-->--Senator '''[=John McCain=]''' (AZ), on being born in [[TheGreatDepression 1936]]

->We didn't have room for cute in my life. Things were tough every day of our lives. And we made the best of it. Frankly, that's why I'm driven the way I am. I was raised on neglect, anger and hate. I was raised the old-fashioned way.

->Lactose intolerant milk?! '''''KISS! MY DICK!'''''
-->--'''Creator/LewisBlack''' on lactose-free beverages

->We don't need one show about cupcakes, as far as I'm concerned. But you know what, if you've got one, okay, that's fine, let's have a show about cupcakes. But does it have to be a fucking competition? Do you have to have ''CupcakeWars''? And I'm sure people who have been in war kind of take offense to that. Because seriously, it's not that goddamn dangerous to make a cupcake.
-->--'''Billy Bob Thorton''', ''Oprah's Master Class''

->Nowadays people give the middle finger quite quickly Ė itís not the best behavior. Everybody does that, whatís new about that? Itís just become a bad habit. People in magazines are 50% bimbo and 50% pregnant women.
-->--Fashion designer '''Karl Lagerfield'''

->I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.
-->--'''Bill Maher''', ''The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass''