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Quotes: Grumpy Old Man
My kids say, "He said to me, and I'm like and he's like and she's like"
"It's all, he's all, she's all"
I can't get behind that kind of, like, English
Yeah, and what about student drivers using
my streets to learn?
If you learn to play the drums, you gotta go to a studio
I can't get behind a student driver
William Shatner, "I Can't Get Behind That"

"My father was a wheel! The first wheel! And do you know what he transformed into? Nothing!! But he did it with honor! Dignity, damn it!"

Young Homer: You wouldn't understand, dad. You're not with it!
Abraham Simpsons: I used to be 'with it'. But then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it', and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to YOU.
The Simpsons, "Homepalooza"

"You know the problem with the youth nowadays? They're YOUNG!"

"If men learn this, it will implant forgetfulness in their souls; they will cease to exercise memory because they rely on that which is written, calling things to remembrance no longer from within themselves, but by means of external marks. What you have discovered is a recipe not for memory, but for reminder. And it is no true wisdom that you offer your disciples, but only its semblance, for by telling them of many things without teaching them you will make them seem to know much, while for the most part they know nothing, and as men filled, not with wisdom, but with the conceit of wisdom, they will be a burden to their fellows."
Plato, on the invention of writing.

"We live in a decaying age. Young people no longer respect their parents. They are rude and impatient. They frequently inhabit taverns and have no self control."
—Ancient Egyptian tomb inscription

“Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.

"The Golden Past was never the Golden Present."
Benjamin Franklin (attributed)

"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."

"Pull your pants up and act like a man!"
Gene Hackman to Wes Anderson on the set of The Royal Tenenbaums

"You punks gotta realize, these 70 year old guys, most of them have been in a war, and you haven't."

"The world is in greater turmoil than at any time in my lifetime."
—Senator John McCain (AZ), on being born in 1936

“Lactose intolerant milk?! KISS! MY DICK!
Lewis Black on lactose-free beverages

"We don't need one show about cupcakes, as far as I'm concerned. But you know what, if you've got one, okay, that's fine, let's have a show about cupcakes. But does it have to be a fucking competition? Do you have to have Cupcake Wars? And I'm sure people who have been in war kind of take offense to that. Because seriously, it's not that goddamn dangerous to make a cupcake."
Billy Bob Thorton, Oprah's Master Class

“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.”
Bill Maher, The New New Rules: A Funny Look At How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass

Batman: The only thing I know of that can cut through her hide ain't in no World of Warcraft game. So how you like them apples, hippies? Can't stop rockets with your Starbucks and iPads, can you? Old guys win again! OLD GUYS WIN AGAIN!
Chris Sims, "Frank Miller Was a Cranky Old Man All Along"

"...I suppose there are other ways of dealing with pleasant news. You could, for example, be notified that someone, perhaps a relative, was graduating. This is generally a happy occasion, a celebration of being completed with a long phase of your life, moving on to a next phase that's full of potential and possibility that hasn't been ground down to misery by the horrors of life yet. That's how I look at it, anyway.

If, however, you're Ed Crankshaft, you could look at it as being legally ordered to bitterly hand over your money to someone. This dude makes Ebeneezer Scrooge at the beginning of the book look like Ebeneezer Scrooge at the end of the book."
ComicsAlliance, Funkywatch

"'The Last Night of a Jockey' is an old Twilight Zone episode about a jockey who gets suspended from riding horses, then wishes he was bigger. The wish, obviously, backfires, because The Twilight Zone was basically one giant PSA about the dangers of evil genies. As far as episodes go, it's nothing special — until you hear the commentary of Mickey Rooney (who stars as the jockey) and one incredibly brave interviewer...Toward the end, the interviewer makes the mistake of insisting that The Twilight Zone was an important show. It is then that we finally get a glimpse into the mind of Mickey Rooney. And find that it contains only misplaced rage at Internet pornography."

"It starts with a seemingly innocuous detail — that the Monoids have Beatles haircuts. The Beatles, of course, are the icon of youth culture. It's very, very difficult to come up with a reading of the decision to make the irredeemable savages have Beatles haircuts as anything other than a savage condemnation of youth culture...Or, for that matter, the decision to replace Vicki, our Scouse revolutionary, with the bumbling and naive idiocy of Dodo — a jaw-droppingly harsh reconsideration of how to portray youth culture. Much is made of the fact that Dodo is a (poor) attempt to add a contemporary London girl to the cast, but not nearly as much is made of the fact that she's played as stupid comic relief...And all put together, it's very difficult — for me, at least, impossible, to get away from the message. Revolution is bad. Youth are stupid. Dark-skinned people are savages who cannot be redeemed. And if you, like the Doctor, side with those people and help them, you will cause untold death and destruction.

For all his skill in making a good program, the fact of the matter is, the 24 episodes produced by John Wiles are mean-spirited, reactionary, and, frankly, in the final analysis, racist. They're well-made. But ten again, 'The White Man's Burden' is a well-written poem about being a racist imperialist."
Phil Sandifer on Doctor Who, ("The Ark"

"Snore, er what huh? Why have you awaken me, slave? What? My minions have forgotten about me? This shall not stand, fetch me my telegraph, I must pen a missive on the slatternly behaviors of the youthful whores who have had the unmitigated gall to be young and uninterested in sexist old men while I doze off into my twilight hours and thus should be punished!!! Er, I mean to say, something about math and statistics that’s impressively ignorant in order to try and handwave the real problem of rape. All right, I’ve completed my dictation, go slave and fetch my monetary recompense."
Sadly, No! rebuts George Will

"At the time, I had no idea that the Great Communicator had cut his teeth on campus protests during the 1960s, using long-haired Berkeley students as perfect foils. Reagan assailed the Free Speech and antiwar movements, promising the taxpayers that if elected, he’d get college kids off picket lines and back in class. With comments like, 'They are spoiled and don’t deserve the education they are getting' and that the state 'should not subsidize intellectual curiosity,' he won in a landslide. Fourteen years later, Reagan was elected president, running against a host of mythical foes from 'welfare queens' to an omnipotent 'Evil Empire,' but he and his administration never shed their antipathy toward 'elitist' campuses and the young people who dared question the system."
Peter Lunefeld, Salon

Third Hokage: I can't believe it, Orochimaru, but you're making me resort to my ultimate attack, a forbidden jutsu passed down through the line of the Hokages!
Orochimaru: [Gasp] You don't mean...
Third Hokage: Yes! The Old Man Monologue Jutsu!

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