A man has a successful life when he makes more than his wife can spend. A woman has a successful life once she's found such a man.
— Old joke
Fan Works
Wendy: "So is that it then? Am I to marry someone I don't love, just for the sake of money?"
Millicent: "Love cannot keep you warm at night, it can't put food in your belly, Money can. Sir Gavin Benett will do well to provide for you and your family so you must marry him and do as he says."
Millicent: "Love cannot keep you warm at night, it can't put food in your belly, Money can. Sir Gavin Benett will do well to provide for you and your family so you must marry him and do as he says."
The case seemed simple enough. Carol Ferris had run off with her lover, this hotdog test pilot. Her for love, him for money. Carl Ferris didn't want the guy's hands in his wallet. Maybe. But maybe it wasn't that simple.
—Jonny Double, With this Ring... (Green Lantern)
Film — Animated
"Your spirits are high, but your funds are low
You need to marry a pretty honey whose daddy got dough!"
You need to marry a pretty honey whose daddy got dough!"
—Dr. Facilier to Prince Naveen, The Princess and the Frog
"Do you know how much, how very very much
You mean to me?
Do you know how rich, how very, very rich
Our lives could be?"
You mean to me?
Do you know how rich, how very, very rich
Our lives could be?"
— "How Much You Mean to Me/Court Me Slowly", A deleted song from The Aristocats
Film — Live-Action
"There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer
Thinks you're awful nice
But get that ice or else no dice
He's your guy when stocks are high
But beware when they start to descend
It's then that those louses go back to their spouses
Diamonds are a girl's best friend"
Thinks you're awful nice
But get that ice or else no dice
He's your guy when stocks are high
But beware when they start to descend
It's then that those louses go back to their spouses
Diamonds are a girl's best friend"
Esmond Sr.: Have you got the nerve to tell me you don't want to marry my son for his money?
Lorelei Lee: It's true.
Esmond Sr.: Then what do you want to marry him for?
Lorelei Lee: I want to marry him for YOUR money.
Fanny: Were we on the front page?
Trippy: Not quite! You were on the page titled "Business Transactions"!
Trippy: Not quite! You were on the page titled "Business Transactions"!
Ralph: I take it this bum will be calling you?
Linda: Dad, he's a millionaire.
Ralph: You have my permission to marry him.
Linda: Dad, he's a millionaire.
Ralph: You have my permission to marry him.
"I still think you should marry Johnny! Now, you can't live on love. You need financial security."
—Claudette, The Room (2003)
Maria: You will meet a rich man and he will give you money.
Clo-Clo: You and your cards! "Meet a rich man"! I look for them with money. And what rich man hasn't money? And for what was I born, if not for money? You're not telling me anything!
Clo-Clo: You and your cards! "Meet a rich man"! I look for them with money. And what rich man hasn't money? And for what was I born, if not for money? You're not telling me anything!
"You surrender the pink too soon, honey, they're on to the next thing. Alex is my ticket out of middle America. I help him out with a bj now and then, but he won't get what he wants until I get what I want."
—Cassie, Big Bad Wolf
"[Mr. and Mrs. Norton are] a very happy couple. J.P. worships the ground her grandfather discovered oil on."
—The Narrator, Air Raid Wardens
"No, the one for you is the Captain, obviously. I mean, not only is he a 'ighly eligible bachelor, but he makes over 5,000 nickers a year. 'E must 'ave a bomb in the bank."
— Mrs. Dailey, Doctor in Trouble
"My Daddy... sugar daddy!"
— Blanche Gaunt, Please Turn Over
"Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first."
— Rufus Firefly, Duck Soup
Literature
"Well, you can't just walk up to a woman and say 'Hello, I've heard about your large bank account, let's get married.'"
— Luke, The Corellian Trilogy
Rosemary knew her. "Vickie Lynn."
The blonde looked puzzled. "They don't call me that anymore."
Rosemary laughed. "Anna Nicole, then."
"Where did you know me?"
"Wal-Mart. We were both clerks. Before you got famous."
"Oh! I'm sorry, I should remember you-"
"I'd have been shocked if you had," Rosemary said. "Allen, you wouldn't know about Vickie—Anna Nicole. She was Playmate of the Year, then she married a billionaire. Scandals everywhere after that."
Vickie glared.
I said, "Nice rock." She didn't answer, so I asked, "Why are you here?"
"I don’t know!" Vickie wailed. "Everyone said I married Howie for his money, but I didn't! I mean, well, he knew what he was getting! And he got it! He got everything he thought he would. I made him happy."
"J. Howard Marshall was eighty-nine. She was twenty-five," Rosemary said dryly. "It was her fourth marriage."
"Third! And I was twenty-six! And he died happy. I earned everything I got from him."
"I just bet you did," Rosemary said.
The blonde looked puzzled. "They don't call me that anymore."
Rosemary laughed. "Anna Nicole, then."
"Where did you know me?"
"Wal-Mart. We were both clerks. Before you got famous."
"Oh! I'm sorry, I should remember you-"
"I'd have been shocked if you had," Rosemary said. "Allen, you wouldn't know about Vickie—Anna Nicole. She was Playmate of the Year, then she married a billionaire. Scandals everywhere after that."
Vickie glared.
I said, "Nice rock." She didn't answer, so I asked, "Why are you here?"
"I don’t know!" Vickie wailed. "Everyone said I married Howie for his money, but I didn't! I mean, well, he knew what he was getting! And he got it! He got everything he thought he would. I made him happy."
"J. Howard Marshall was eighty-nine. She was twenty-five," Rosemary said dryly. "It was her fourth marriage."
"Third! And I was twenty-six! And he died happy. I earned everything I got from him."
"I just bet you did," Rosemary said.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
Live-Action TV
Abby: How did you manage to last this long without some girl marrying you?
Carter: We come with a built in gold-digger alarm. My grandmother installs them at birth!
Susan: And I haven't set it off? You better have that thing checked!
Carter: We come with a built in gold-digger alarm. My grandmother installs them at birth!
Susan: And I haven't set it off? You better have that thing checked!
— ERFun fact
"That floppy old bag of money is gonna be dead in like a month. And who's going to comfort Jessica and her millions of dollars? Yeah, Jessica's a gold digger, but I'm a gold-digger-digger."
— Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation
Sgt. Cerreta: Well, May-December romances do happen.
Det. Logan: Yeah. But December usually comes with Santa Claus.
Det. Logan: Yeah. But December usually comes with Santa Claus.
"You can say what you like about Marcus, and God knows I do, but he is a very generous man."
— Dorien Green, Birds of a Feather, "Loyalty"
Music
I asked her, "Why would you wanna be a Hollywood wife?"
"Because I don't wanna end up living in a dive on Vine'z"
"Because I don't wanna end up living in a dive on Vine'z"
— "Hollywood", Marina Diamandis
They can beg and they can plead
But they can't see the light (that's right)
'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always Mister Right
But they can't see the light (that's right)
'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always Mister Right
— "Material Girl", Madonna
Ain't got a job, job
But she will call you "honey"
She'll never stop, stop
'Til she gets all your money
But she will call you "honey"
She'll never stop, stop
'Til she gets all your money
— "Shopping Cart", Parallel Dance Ensemble
I ain't sayin' she a gold digger
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas
But she ain't messin' with no broke niggas
— "Gold Digger", Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx
I guess all his money, well, it isn't enough
To keep her bill collectors at bay
I guess all his money, well, it isn't enough
Cause that girl's got expensive taste
To keep her bill collectors at bay
I guess all his money, well, it isn't enough
Cause that girl's got expensive taste
— "Why Don't You Get a Job?", The Offspring
She wants one hundred dollar bills, no, she don't want love
— "Just a Stranger", Kali Uchis
Louis XIII and it's all on me, nigga, you just bought a shot
Kamikaze if you think that you gon' knock me off the top
Shit, your wife in the backseat of my brand new foreign car
Don't act like you forgot, I call the shots, shots, shots
Like brap brap brap
Pay me what you owe me, don't act like you forgot
Kamikaze if you think that you gon' knock me off the top
Shit, your wife in the backseat of my brand new foreign car
Don't act like you forgot, I call the shots, shots, shots
Like brap brap brap
Pay me what you owe me, don't act like you forgot
— "Bitch Better Have My Money", Miss Piggy
Rihanna
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldn't have to work at all
I'd fool around and have a ball
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldn't have to work at all
I'd fool around and have a ball
— "Money, Money, Money", Abba
Yeah, I'm sorry
I can't afford a Ferrari
But that don't mean I can't get you there
I guess he's an Xbox
And I'm more Atari
But the way you play your game ain't fair
I can't afford a Ferrari
But that don't mean I can't get you there
I guess he's an Xbox
And I'm more Atari
But the way you play your game ain't fair
— "Fuck You", Cee Lo Green
You don't like players
That's what you say-a
But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire
You don't like ballers
They don't do nothing for ya
But you'd love a rich man six-foot-two or taller
That's what you say-a
But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire
You don't like ballers
They don't do nothing for ya
But you'd love a rich man six-foot-two or taller
— "F*** Me Pumps", Amy Winehouse
Ladies leave your man at home
The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown
The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown
— "Jumpin' Lyrics, Destiny's Child
Make you buy cars
Make you cut cards
Make you thought you'd fall in love
Maneater
Make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
Make you cut cards
Make you thought you'd fall in love
Maneater
Make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all of her love
— "Maneater", Nelly Furtado
She'll get what she wants
If she's willing to please
His type of girl
Always comes with a fee
Hey now, there's nothing for free
If she's willing to please
His type of girl
Always comes with a fee
Hey now, there's nothing for free
— "Boys and Girls", Good Charlotte
"She's dangerous, superbad
Better watch out cause she'll take your cash
Better watch out cause she'll take your cash
— "Gold Digger", Ludacris ft. Bobby Valentino
Stand-Up Comedy
"Men have nice cars. Not because they like nice cars, but because they know women like nice cars. That's how it goes! Because men are hunters! And the car's the bait! And a woman comes and says, 'Ooh, nice Porsche.' 'Gotcha, bitch!' That's how it is! That's true! Come on now, you go to a woman's house, their house be comfortable as shit. Women love comfortable surroundings, so men get comfortable surroundings. Lemme tell ya something: If a man could fuck a woman in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house!"
— Dave Chappelle, Killin' Them Softly
Theatre
That woman made brazen overtures
With a gilt-edge guarantee
She had a golden glint in her eye
And a silver voice with a counterfeit ring
Just melt her down and you'll reveal
A lump of lead as cold as steel
Here! Where a woman's heart should be!
With a gilt-edge guarantee
She had a golden glint in her eye
And a silver voice with a counterfeit ring
Just melt her down and you'll reveal
A lump of lead as cold as steel
Here! Where a woman's heart should be!
— "Pick A Little, Talk A Little", The Music Man
"I come to wive it wealthily in Padua."
— Petruchio, The Taming of the Shrew
"How can women deny me anything? I mix morals with sable. I drip pearls into protest. I adorn resistance with rubies. My smile is a Ferrari. I have ALL women — or can have them, which is the same thing."
— Ragpicker, The Madwoman of Chaillot
Video Games
"Marrying money? That is not sounding like a good idea. Money would be a bad husband."
— Petra, Fire Emblem: Three Houses
''"This is my debut in society! I have been dreaming of this day! I may be just a baron, but I am going to latch myself onto a nice Duchess and Aqua Jet myself to the top of society!"
— Baron Herrison, Pokémon X and Y
Moxie: Anyway, marriage between foxes is all tangled up in money and property rights. My mom told me to never get married or else my spouse'll steal half my assets.
Candy: ....
Treat: ...Really?
Moxie: ...Is that weird?! I thought it was normal! That's why marriage is such a big deal, right?!
Candy: How shocking... There's nothing like that between wolves.
Moxie: (To herself) I should probably be more critical of everything I learned from my mom, huh...
Web Animation
"If that loser thinks that I'm gonna date a guy with no job, he is barking up the wrong tree. Because this cute puppy only eats wet food, not fucking Kibble, if you know what I mean."
— Cameron Van Buren, The Most Popular Girls in School (Episode 58)
Web Original
Zsa Zsa really is from an unrelatable period of antiquity. After a half hour of nonstop chatter about the benefits of senior citizen fitness, there is only one mention of self esteem and none about health. Zsa Zsa Gabor's entire philosophy on life seems to be wrapping your legs around it until it buys you a house. Exercise is only good for two things: making ozzer vomen jealous and fucking zeir husbands.
Jesus, it’s Clickety Clack, not Stompity Stomp, Brett; if you want #datmoney you need to play it smart and play it quiet. First you tell Charlie you want kids, but 'Way, way in the future' and make that hand gesture that looks like you’re swatting away money. Then you let some time pass; typically 3-5 months, but I bet Charlie’s crack-fried cockroach brain is no longer able to comprehend the passing of time, so you could just wait 3-5 weeks. During this time, stop taking birth control and start practicing your best 'Whoopsies, I’m pregnant!!' face.
, not Stompity Stomp, Brett; if you want #datmoney you need to play it smart and play it quiet. First you tell Charlie you want kids, but 'Way, way in the future' and make that hand gesture that looks like you’re swatting away money. Then you let some time pass; typically 3-5 months, but I bet Charlie’s crack-fried cockroach brain is no longer able to comprehend the passing of time, so you could just wait 3-5 weeks. During this time, stop taking birth control and start practicing your best 'Whoopsies, I’m pregnant!!' face.— Michael K., "Your Gold Digger Game Is Showing, Brett Rossi"
, "Your Gold Digger Game Is Showing, Brett Rossi"Web Video
Krillin: We met at the bank. I was there picking up my life insurance money and she was there depositing her money from her night job. I think she's a waitress or something because she was depositing a lot of fives and ones.
Marron: And me and my dear sweetie little chestnut fell deeply, truly in love.
Krillin: She says I have a very rich personality!
Marron: And a wealth of knowledge!
Krillin: And her boobs are as big as my head!
Marron: And me and my dear sweetie little chestnut fell deeply, truly in love.
Krillin: She says I have a very rich personality!
Marron: And a wealth of knowledge!
Krillin: And her boobs are as big as my head!
Guild Girl: Goblin Slayer! Come to the Harvest Festival with me!
Goblin Slayer: Yeah, fine.
Guild Girl: Good! Come pick me up at five... in five months. Oh, and make sure to bring lots of money!
Goblin Slayer: (to himself) Oh shit, she's after my money.
Goblin Slayer: Yeah, fine.
Guild Girl: Good! Come pick me up at five... in five months. Oh, and make sure to bring lots of money!
Goblin Slayer: (to himself) Oh shit, she's after my money.
Western Animation
"Wake up leprechaun, she's after your gold!"
— Stan Smith, American Dad!, "Max Jets"
My love is pure.
Purely for money.
Money from people
Who I don't love.
Old men disgust me.
I'd never love one.
Unless they give me money!
— Gina, American Dad!, "Max Jets"
Bonnie: Ron Stoppable, you are such a hottie!
Ron: Are you just saying that because I'm rich?
Bonnie: Uh-huh.
Ron: Cool!
Ron: Are you just saying that because I'm rich?
Bonnie: Uh-huh.
Ron: Cool!
— Kim Possible, "Ron The Millionaire"
"Dear, rich Dora Standpipe! HOW I LOVE HER father's money."
— Dan Backslide, The Dover Boys
Home Ec. Teacher: On your first date, look at the man's shoes. Sometimes you can tell how much money a man has just by his shoes. When he takes you out to dinner, try to sneak a peek at his wallet while he pays for you. If he only has one credit card, BEWARE. It means he doesn't spend a lot, and worse yet, it could be a debit card. If he has more than four credit cards, that's a little fishy. The perfect number of credit cards for a man to have is... two.
Bebe: What if we meet a guy who wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, but is still getting his degree?
Home Ec. Teacher: Dump that zero and get yourself a hero! He could be earning that degree all his life while you starve to death with two dying babies sucking at your teats.
— "Tweek vs. Craig", South Park
"The female may store the male's sperm for several years before incubating her eggs. That way, if the male hits the Powerball or invents a killer iPhone app, the female can cash in on that shit. Any questions?"
