"Kids, we just have to learn to accept this. Like one of those stories on Dateline, where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody. Sure, they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside. They're dead. And that'll be our lives."
— Lois, Family Guy
"If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that she hopes that you stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach. What kind of wretched person are you that you can't take five lousy minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?"
"Radio Flyer pushes so many buttons I almost wanted to start pushing back. One of the things I resisted was the movie's almost dog-like desire to please. It seems to be asking, how can anyone dislike a movie that is against child abuse, and believes little red wagons can fly? I found it fairly easy. The movie pushes so many fundamental questions under the rug of its convenient screenplay that the happy ending seems like cheating, if not like fraud."
"For about the next three minutes, we watch Forrest basically torture Big Mike. Since all of Seagalís 'characters' are utterly unbeatable, we know that Big Mike wonít even be able to touch Forrest as he slowly decimates him... Then, in one of the most amazing jaw-droppers in movie history, Seagal confronts the bloodied, brutalized and weaving Big Mike, now just barely conscious. 'What does it take,' Forrest asks his victim, 'to change the essence of a man?' Big Mike answers, 'Time,' and then begins sobbing. 'I need time.' Seagal nods sagely. 'Me, too,' he replies. (Personally, I need an antacid.)"
"Gasoline Alley has spent the past few months on an extremely mawkish story about a dying little boy with a wacky parrot sidekick who just wants to operate a real life steam locomotive before he kicks it. Iím a guy who loves train and isnít in favor of little children dying of mysterious diseases, and yet am wholly unmoved by all this, mostly because the lad has been introduced to us already pre-dying, a transparent spectacle for our emotional catharsis. 'Iíll remember this theÖ' [SIGNIFICANT PAUSE TO REMIND YOU THAT THE NEXT PHRASE IS POIGNANT AND SIGNIFICANT] 'Örest of my life! Come here, parrot, give me a big hug! WEEP FOR ME, ENGINEER-MAN!'"
"Peter Engelís productions (California Dreams, Hang Time, City Guys) are cultural touchstones for at least an entire generation, of which, Saved by the Bell is the most interesting and most well-remembered. Essentially a weekly, 22 minute morality play, painted in broad, day-glo, strokes by a gurning cast, it plays like the grand emotions of the teenage years it portrays, with an audience who whoops and woos at every hallway zinger and peck on the cheek. Bayside is a world where the bad kid who takes up smoking will be dead from lung cancer within the same day, and where never-before-seen characters appear as heavy-handed moral-cyphers, greeted like old friends, never to be referred to again once the credits roll."
"Sincerity is a virtue but taken to this degree its like watching morally sound paint drying. I canít believe the episode shoves in a Ďletís get the Indians out of here so we can exploit the landí moral at the end. Itís the most obvious place the show can go so naturally thatís where we head."
"Up to the very end, almost everything Lex said in this show was right, certainly more so than the petulant whining or trite platitudes that vomited out of Tom Wellingís face."
"Peter is the sort of person who will try to mind control his fiancee to make sure she does what he wants. No matter how much you handwave away the 'but she wasnít mind controlled when she agreed to the proposal,' you still have Sarah Jane professing her genuine love to someone who fucking sci-fi raped her, which, no. Just no. Weíve praised The Sarah Jane Adventures in the past for its ethics, but this is absolutely horrific. There is no standard whatsoever by which knowingly attempting to covertly mind control your bride to be is not horrific abuse, and this story normalizes it so that the abuser can get a stirring speech about how Sarah Jane made him into a better person. Itís absolutely appalling."
Kristoffer: ... And know this, as the swallow twittered beneath the eaves, this is not adieu, but au revoir!
Finur: Thanks for your words. May they be your last. Thanks for sentimentality so nauseating that no living creature could possibly take it seriously.
Ravn: ... *SOB!*