"I don't know what I'm going to say or do until I do it. I improvise about one-third of my dialogue. The director gives me a time slot and I fill it. I walk all over the script, I pick up a verbal shotgun and go berserk, otherwise you end up giving in to TV. The pressures on TV writers are so great they'll do the silliest things over and over. My job is to fight that voodoo repetition...
"You can nanoo your heart out, it would be very easy to do that. So I try to work out several levels at once, to slip in tiny innunendos. It's a little game I like to call "Getting shit through the radar." Yiddish is good because the censor knows Spanish; she knows what "putz" means, though."note
"It is better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission."
"After all these are just simple movies made for kids and not adults at all. That's why they have... Assassination attempts. Sexual innuendo. Decapitations. Kidnap, torture, and suggested rape. Hookers. Boring political dialogue. Forced amputations. Drug dealing. Mass murder."
"I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it."
— Mae West
"I thought this was a kid's show!"
— Chowder, Chowder
<Good. Spacey. Now I'm going to ask you some questions, Spacey. You will answer me. If you answer all my questions I will give you a bottle. If you attempt to lie I will kill you. Is that clear?>
—Visser Three, Animorphs
Ifi: <I will also trade you this knife I made out of a toothbrush for a pack of cigarettes.>
Adam: [I] like how they can't actually say the contents of the bottle, due to the target audience of this book.
Adam: KA talking with her editor: "Oh, you know! It's a bottle filled with warm milk! Because Spacey has been out on the street so long, and he could use a good nap."
—Adam and Ifi of Cinnamon Bunzuh!, responding to the above quote.
What most non-English majors don't realize is that under Shakespeare's flowery language and incomprehensible old-timey wordplay is a whole lot of sly references to boners, anal sex, masturbation, and much worse.
—Grace McCarthy, before listing several examples of Shakespeare using this trope.
"Watch this scene with your eyes closed, and tell me it doesn't sound like Tiger's Eye is chasing the girl down and sexually harassing her."
"Yeah we can do THAT, but whatever you do, don't dare mention that Uranus and Neptune are gay."
"We can do THAT, but whatever you do, don't *bleep* make fun of Hitler."
— Drew Carey on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, after the director told them they couldn't make fun of Hitler.
Costolot: Can I interest you in something seedy? No, I don't mean like that.
Dunkey: What the fuck!?
Dunkey: What the fuck!?