Quotes: Gameplay and Story Segregation
You just gotta love the sewers of Castle Britain
which are crawling
with giant predatory rats and man-sized fucking cobras. And this is the instant you set foot off the ladder. You'd think Lord British would send a coupla guys down here every few days to try
and keep the giant fucking serpent population
to a minimum. He's let it go too long; at this point he needs to mobilize the regular army... WHOA! There's a roomful of lava, man! This is in the sewers, under the castle!
Someone should tell British about the active magma flow running right under his throne
you know what, fuck him.
Much has already been made of the powerup mechanic: that Samus already has them all
in her overnight bag but refuses to use them until her commanding officer—with whom she has surrogate daddy issues up the delicately sculptured arse—authorizes it. This leads to a rather notorious moment when Samus blunders through an extremely hostile atmosphere without protective clothing because daddy didn't specifically order her to wear some
, putting her on the intellectual level of one of those robot vacuum cleaners. It's like every character put their retard hats on that morning by mistake: There's a mawkishly overdramatic scene in which a character sacrifices himself by bravely detaching and blowing up the entire Metroid wing of the spaceship with him inside
. We'll let slide for now the issue of why exactly he had to be inside it
to do this, but Metroids show up later on anyway
, so he might as well have just stuck yellow and black tape over the door
for all the good it did!
Metal Gear Solid
was the K-T extinction asteroid of 3D gaming. Before it struck, warm-blooded gamers suffered under clumsy, lumbering games
which were as three dimensional as the pyramids: they had depth but moved at the speed of continental drift and were visibly blocky from four miles away. Metal Gear
kicked the entire industry in the ass, and to this day Psycho Mantis is the only individual who could convince many gamers to put the controller down for a second.
Unfortunately Hideo Kojima
thought this was because he included a personalized War and Peace
for every character... The fourth game
elevated video game meta-conflict by trying to defeat the player with relentlessly extended cut-scenes
instead of bullets.
Hey, is this Bob from the gameplay department? Yeah, this is Mike from the story department. Listen, I know the game's almost done, but I think we're actually gonna kill off the protagonist's girlfriend... uh... pretty early in the game, so you're gonna have to replace her after the warehouse scene. Uh, just some disposable female character will be fine, clothing is optional.
"I like games where the story and gameplay go hand-in-hand, while in most JRPGs, story and gameplay are kept on either side of a wrought-iron fence made of TIGERS."