Quotes / Gag Penis

I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start a-meltin' away
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay
I gotta sing and dance when I glance in my pants
And the feeling's like a sunshiney day
I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis
And everything is goin' my way
Da Vinci's Notebook, Enormous Penis

"Take about five dozen eggs, start putting them in a bowl, mix the FUCK out of them and what do you get? PENIS!"
Awesome Series, "Awesome Man"

"You hear those dick pill ads, and they’re all like, 'If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, consult a doctor.' It should read: 'If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, consult a bunch of sexy ladies and high-five your penis!'

You ever read mythology? Look back at those old gods and you’ll see ‘em sporting dangerous, unholy wood. Their cocks are basically baseball bats studded with thorns and snaked with vines and tipped with antlers—it’s erectile divinity. We could all only aspire to have that in real life.

Well, in the World of Darkness, you can. You can be a werewolf with a giant mythic erection. You can be a vampire with a majestic pale pillar of undead man-meat. You can be a Promethean with a hundred turgid wangs stitched together to create an uber-wang crackling with nascent electricity.

Your tumescence is legendary."
World of Darkness, Dudes of Legend

"Even you won't be able to beat off this magnificent schlong."
The Terminal Guardian, Shin Megami Tensei IV, as he summons Mara

When Oedipus appeared at London’s National Theatre in 1968, the set was decorated by a gigantic golden phallus 30 feet high. Actress Carol Browne saw it and commented, “Well it’s no-one I know.” Another giant phallus (beige this time) was used in a 1979 production of Aristophanes’ Lysistrata staged in Cambridge, Massachusetts USA. Mid-way through the opening performance the wires supporting the phallus gave way and, as if in a symbolic gesture, it fell right across the stage knocking the leading lady to the ground.
From Great Theatrical Disasters by Glyes Brandret.

Tary is examining a naked portrait of Grog that his Robot Buddy Doty drew:
Tary: Doty, [Pike] said realism.
*Doty nods*
Tary: Really?
*Doty nods again*
Tary: How does he walk?
Percy: With confidence and pride.