You can get a large audience together for a striptease act—that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you come to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every one see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of the sex instinct among us?
One critic said that if he found a country in which such strip-tease acts with food were popular, he would conclude that the people of that country were starving. He meant, of course, to imply that such things as the strip-tease act resulted not from sexual corruption but from sexual starvation.
Jerry: I'll tell you what you did, Caligula. You've combined food and sex together into one sick, uncontrollable urge!
George: You gonna finish those fries?
Jerry: Please tell me that's all you're gonna do with them.
"My mind is muddled with excess, having just lived on copious amounts of champagne and cheese, meats stewed in lusciously decadent sauce, chocolate soufflés and salted caramels, and more champagne to wash it all down."
Soft, sultry commercial voiceover (Dervla Kirwan): "Gourmet salad with caramelised pears and creamy stilton... cookswell pork pie, in rich crust pastry... extra-sweet, hand-picked fresh cherries... This is not just food..."
Charlie Brooker: (leaping up and undoing his belt) "You're damn right it's not, it's food that's about to be fucked silly."
In my own first story I described at length what I thought a very fine high tea given by a hospitable faun to the little girl who was my heroine. A man, who has children of his own, said, "Ah, I see how you got to that. If you want to please grown-up readers give them sex, so you thought to yourself, 'That won't do for children, what shall I give them instead? I know! The little blighters like eating.'" In reality, however, I myself like eating and drinking. I put in what I would have liked to read as a child and what I still like reading now in my fifties.
C. S. Lewis, On Three Ways of Writing for Children
The other night I watched Nigella Lawson; picked up a couple of good tips on baking bread. And in the process, I just about ripped my cock off.
Sexy Female Voiceover: We start with pure milk chocolate...
Homer: mmmm, chocolate...
Sexy Female Voiceover:...add a layer of farm fresh honey...
Homer: ohhhh, sweet....
Sexy Female Voiceover:...then we sprinkle on four kinds of sugar...
Sexy Female Voiceover: ....and dip it in rich, creamery butter.
The Simpsons, "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"